Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I need soMe one anyone to talk to

80 replies

Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 01:17

I am extremely ill I'm hearing things including command pychosis seeing things and I've been told I'm very paranoid.

I won't take my kids to school and I won't sleep because I see a man on the street corner at all hours watching the house but whenever I go to fetch dh he is gone. I am scared he is a peado scouting out the house to take one my children.

I have tendencies of going catatonic in the past and doctor thinks this is what I am doing right now. As I don't do anything but play on my phone for some reason I am able to to this. I don't speak to the point even if someone is sat in the room they sometimes text me as they get a more in depth answer rather than usually a grunt.

I dream about suicide every night and it won't be long because the voices say I will sexually abuse the children if I stay. I don't care for my kids being unable to even care for myself. Dh had to physically bathe last night and has placed bottles of pop around the house as I'm dehydrated. The situation has been slowly degrading for weeks and now my husband works long hours and is trying to clean a house (when he has always been useless at it) cook dinner and take care of our three dc one of whom is severely disabled. My mother picks the kids up and takes care of them all day.

The problem I have a support from Mia because I have a disabled daughter and during one of her regular visits she saw how ill I was and the state on the house this has been going on months my house is a pig sty. And she has referred me to social services. What is there reaction to all the above likely to be my dc are getting to school since my mum took over their care btw. There is something else I'm giving up cannabis and I'm scared they will find out that I used to smoke it and will take the kids.

I don't know what to do and I feel very uneasy and paranoid about social services and sometimes when I get paranoia to bad I react badly. What is gonna happen am I gonna lose my dc?

OP posts:
sewingandcakes · 27/02/2014 16:31

Great, well done. That's the first step. What could you start doing instead when you would normally have a smoke? Do you have a dog you could take out, or could you just go outside for a walk?

Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 16:34

To be honest for the moment I've just replaced them with ordinary cigarettes Blush

OP posts:
Bettybum · 27/02/2014 17:09

Well done for posting

Sounds like you are doing really well

Ever tried Risperidone?

You certainly need sleep

Child services will not remove a child because of a messy house

Your insight is one of your strongest coping strategies

Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 17:16

Bettybum that's what I wanted to be put on but my pychiatrist refuses to change my anti pychotic saying I need to persevere with the aripiprazole.

OP posts:
Helpyourself · 27/02/2014 17:34

Hi 5833 I was on your giving up thread.
Flowers
There is a marijuana anonymous with meetings in london and Brighton and support here

Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 17:41

Thank you help yourself I'll look into that.

OP posts:
Bettybum · 27/02/2014 18:19

It's a shame, how much longer to they want you to try for?

Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 19:09

He keeps getting confused he says I've already tried three anti pychs when I haven't he said he changed my dose in November when he changed it at the end of December to be honest sometimes I wonder who's notes he has been reading because they are not mine. He also said I ran out out of one med for a week through carelessness when I didn't I don't think he is lying I just wonder if he is reading someone else's notes lol. He didn't say how long but I've been on it about a year now at the highest dose and it's not working.

OP posts:
LexiLouise · 27/02/2014 19:31

Hello

Do you have a CPN you see? Sometimes the actual pychiatrist's never meet you long enough to recognise who you are between visits and yes mistakes can happen but it's also possible he has done as he said he has and the confusion you are experiencing has prevented you from recalling this with clarity?

How are you doing tonight? I'm just about to feed the cat, my life is full of excitement lol Smile

Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 19:38

I did have two cpns but when I was stable they discharged me and he hasn't re referred me to them. I have checked with dh and I am definitely correct.

OP posts:
Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 19:41

Oh and my life is not that glamorous ATM either I'm actually feeling slightly better tonight thank you.

OP posts:
woodrunner · 27/02/2014 19:47

You've reached out here and been so honest. That is very courageous of you. From what you say I think you need more than community support. Can you get yourself admitted for a while? And please, please get help coming off weed. I'm not judging you but I do judge it. It is sold as a soft drug and it has caused so many families untold heartache because it is such a strong psychotic and hallucinogenic.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 27/02/2014 19:53

Hi Op I am a social worker so thought I would respond because you are really worried about losing the children. Firstly if they come to do an assessment be honest with them. If not they will find out and will think if you've lied then you are not ready for help and can't work with them.

As for previously smoking weed don't worry too much as long as it's not happening now . Some parents smoke weed and as long as it's away from the kids and doesn't impact on them then we do nothing about it.

Your mental health (possibly the home depending on if it's safe and comfortable for the children?) will be the concern. At the moment you have a plan so that the childrens needs are met by your mum or dh. This is good, although think honestly about whether the children see any of these difficulties you are having and how this might worry or confuse them? Do they have young carers involved? That might be good for them.

The social worker will see you and them and assess the risk to the children. If they feels it's too much right now would you let them stay temporarily with your mum whilst you get help? That would be an option way before they considered removing the children from you.

OneLittleLady · 27/02/2014 20:01

I lurk on this board but couldn't read and run. Do you have a Home Access Team/Crisis Team in your local hospital? I think all health trusts are meant to have one. If you do, could you contact them, they are meant to be 24 hour and often based in A&Es, and ask them to come out to assess you if you feel you need help right now? If needs be, you could ring A&E and ask. It really sounds like you are in crisis and need help ASAP and not to wait on seeing your regular doctor. I've used my local home access team, I have significant mental health issues and they have always listened and helped when I've needed them to. They can push for emergency appointments with services to help you and in some cases can arrange for you to stay a few nights away from home volunterally if they have the facilities. I hope this info might be of some use

LexiLouise · 27/02/2014 20:11

This is not something I speak about readily but hope this might give you some reassurance?

I was involuntarily sectioned for psychosis a good few years ago and nothing ever happened to my children. They have always been with me and no-one ever mentioned ever taking them away.

I was worried at the time that they might die in my care (my partner had committed suicide and I believed anyone I loved would die) and some other bizarre tohoughts

It was a dark dark place I was in but I came through it, you can to..you have that drive to .

As others have said the skunk is doing no good and well done for giving it up but take all the help/support you can.

Wishing you well

Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 20:21

Wood runner both me dp and my mum have begged crisis to admit me they have offered in the past but since our local pych unit was closed it seems to be harder to be addmitted.

What mistakes thank you I have never been able to lie as I don't believe in it of my three dc the younger two have noticed nothing I believe one being two and the other being four and having autism she is pretty oblivious to the outside world. My eldest 8 has noticed I have sat down and explained to him that mummy has something wrong with her brain and that it sometimes tricks her into thinking she is sad when she isn't but that I will get better. I or my dh if I'm unable have answered any questions in a age appropriate way. He is on the waiting list for young carers but there is a long list in my area.

Re the house there is nothing dangerous left within the kids reach and the majority of mess is washing and toys. Of course I would prefer they go to my mum first.

Onelittlelady I have been to crisis many times they bring my appointment with my pychiatrist forward and sometimes phone daily.

OP posts:
Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 20:24

Lexilouise thank you for sharing your story it is of great comfort. I'm sorry you went through all that.

OP posts:
LexiLouise · 27/02/2014 20:50

My children are older now and refer to that period of my life as my 'Jack Nicholson period' (we watched one flew over the cuckoo's nest together Grin)

I can tell you that they were not scarred or damaged by the experience, if anything it's given them more of an insight into people and friends have confided in them about their own/families struggles with MH issues.

They joke with me about it, there is no shame, no embarrassment

MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 27/02/2014 21:46

Hello all,

Thank you to everyone who brought this thread to our attention.

We're sorry you're going through a tough time OP. We'd like to echo everyone on this thread and encourage you to seek help in real life as well as on Mumsnet.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Kindest regards.

LexiLouise · 27/02/2014 22:42

MNHQ what are you getting at?

Is this a troll? I really hope it's not?

LexiLouise · 27/02/2014 22:47

And can I just say the op has not asked for emotional or financial support and you might just be making someone in distress feel even worse about themselves

Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 22:48

I am not a troll.

OP posts:
Original poster
Suicidal5833 · 27/02/2014 22:49

I don't understand why mnet have commented.

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 27/02/2014 22:53

I don't think you're a troll love, you're just saying how you feel. You sound very intelligent. Could you do one thing to improve things everyday like some dishes or anything you could manage?

stayanotherday · 27/02/2014 22:54

It's an achievement to get up, shower and dress.