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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have come up with an answer to the wedding dilema?

42 replies

higgle · 26/02/2014 19:12

We get lots of posts on here about how unwanted people sometimes feel if they only get an invite to the evening do after a wedding, and some of them are from people who would really have liked to go to the ceremony but can't hang about afterwards until the evening.

What if the b&g had a big drinks reception with canapes and cakes for everyone invited immediately after the wedding, in the afternoon, and then invited the closer members of the family and special friends to a dinner/music/dancing later on -sort of having the evening do first?

OP posts:
MiddleEarthBarbie · 26/02/2014 19:14

And then the family members and friends deemed 'not special' will complain, yabu!

JeanSeberg · 26/02/2014 19:17

Would you tell all your guests 'Right it's 7 o'clock, now piss off unless you got a golden ticket'?

ShadowFall · 26/02/2014 19:17

I reckon that the people not invited to the special evening do would still complain about not being special enough for that.

JumpingJackSprat · 26/02/2014 19:21

I'd rather do everything cheaper per head so I could invite everyone to the whole day. Get married around 2 or 3pm then a cheap buffet or maybe fish and chips or bacon butties and a disco. A little like weddings used to be before the wedding industry sprang up.

WooWooOwl · 26/02/2014 20:05

But people usually want everyone there for the dancing. It's the 'party' bit with the music and dancing that lends itself better to inviting the friends that aren't so close so it makes no sense to exclude them from that part of the day.

Plus it would be a nightmare getting rid of people, especially after they'd had a drink!

HoratiaDrelincourt · 26/02/2014 20:24

I wonder if it's why Americans have the "rehearsal dinner" the night before - very closest invited to that, then all-comers on the day itself.

Carriemoo · 26/02/2014 21:27

My plan is to have a 4 om wedding, canapés and drinks at 5 PM then disco/ buffet. This way everyone can come to my wedding :D

Abbierhodes · 26/02/2014 21:35

Carriemoo, if you weren't bothered about the traditional 'not seeing the groom' thing, you could take your nearest and dearest to lunch first with that arrangement.

Littlefish · 26/02/2014 21:37

Carriemoo - we did something very similar.

4.00pm - wedding at church
5.00pm back to venue
5.15 - drinks for everyone (photos for bridal party so no-one knew we were having them done!)
6.45 - dinner, band etc.

Everone was invited for everything!

cornflakegirl · 26/02/2014 21:42

A friend of mine did it. Morning wedding, drinks and nibbles after. She married straight after uni, so all the friends were happy to go and socialise together after and leave her with family and closest friends.

DeWe · 26/02/2014 21:57

I think the only way to do it without complaints beforehand is probably elope. You then just get complaints afterwards. Grin

Personally I have never felt upset at getting an evening only invite. I appreciate that the bride/groom have other commitments as to who they want/have to invite. If, say my best friend, or my sister chose to do that I would assume they had a good reason. I like my friends for a reason, and one day is not going to effect our friendship.

hermionepotter · 26/02/2014 21:59

YABU I don't think that's an answer

Peekingduck · 26/02/2014 22:51

We did that, it worked great. Really posh venue. Great afternoon for 100 people, who has also been at the ceremony, in lovely surroundings, canapes, drinks, wedding cake. Then in the early evening the event finished and 20 or so of us went to our favourite restaurant for a taster menu evening. It meant that everyone was able to be with us for the ceremony and also be treated by us. Was brilliant.

Original poster
higgle · 27/02/2014 15:11

I remembered that years ago I went to a colleagues wedding - quite posh but without limitless cash. They had big church wedding with more guests than I've ever seen, the we all went off to a Georgian hotel/restaurant and drank lots of fizz (not sure if champagne) and canapés and nice cakes. They had the usual speeches then and cut their cake then about half of the guests went home late afternoon. The remainder reassembled at his parents' big old farm house where caterers did a dinner for maybe 50 or so and then we had a barn dance. Great fun. Must say that the general idea of having less plush do and inviting everyone for the whole thing sounds nicer that the present full day arrangements most people have.

OP posts:
pompey27 · 27/02/2014 15:17

I catered a wedding recently that had drinks and canape reception for all the guests and then a lot of them left and the rest remained for a sit down meal followed by a band/disco. Of course, by the time the guests staying for the meal finally sat down, they were completely trolleyed and it was a mess. I just don't think it works that way round.

Quoteunquote · 27/02/2014 16:14

You don't have any of these problems at Quaker weddings, everyone bring great plates of food, the couple have a lovely wedding ,people eat and everyone joins in with a céilidh.

I have never been to a Quaker wedding where this doesn't happen and I have been to a lot.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 27/02/2014 16:23

Do you think evening guests want to go to the ceremony if they are not invited?

Original poster
higgle · 27/02/2014 16:26

Lots of people who post on wedding threads say the ceremony is the only bit they are really keen to go to, certainly it is always the bit I enjoy most - even better t get offered the chance to chat and have a drink. I find traditional evening do s a it of a pain because the music is so loud and you can't really talk to anyone.

OP posts:
Creamycoolerwithcream · 27/02/2014 16:35

I can't see the logic. I had evening guests, a mixture of uni friends I hadn't known as long as other friends, DH had lots of work collegues and their partners. I hadn't even met lots of DH's colleagues before and I'm sure they would be more interested in a party than a ceremony.

expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 16:42

What carriemoo and JumpingJack said. N. American weddings tend to go like this. Never heard of 'evening do' until coming here.

eltsihT · 27/02/2014 16:52

I agree I hate evening only invites so we did exactly as you suggest and had 250 guest throughout the day, then a party with speeches cake etc in the church garden. We then had a sit down dinner for 50 in the evening.

I have also been to a wedding when we were invited to the ceremony and dancing but not the sit down dinner as the bride and groom couldn't afford to pay for us. I wish they had asked us to chip in for the meal as 10 of us, all uni friends of the bride and groom, went out for dinner and paid ourselves and then went to the dancing, but would have rather paid to join the big wedding breakfast than some grotty Italian

WaitingFor · 27/02/2014 17:08

I've been to one where our invite was for the wedding ceremony, then cup of tea and wedding cake in the church immediately afterwards. The family went off to a separate venue for a meal after that. I thought it was lovely.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/02/2014 18:09

Why cant they just invite everyone to it all, keep it simple and so it all follows on with no waiting around. Even more perfect if theres not a mention of gifts or poems for cash.

Original poster
higgle · 27/02/2014 19:26

I should add that in "my day" the only option DH and I had was the local gro;tty register office, so we had 6 to the wedding and then everyone else joined us for photos, drinks, sit down dinner and dancing. (about 100) , Going back to the 60's when some of my older relations were married it was church at about 11am, wedding reception and then all over by about 3pm when the B &G would be off on honeymoon by train from the local station.

OP posts:
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 27/02/2014 19:32

I think our wedding was the best, everyone was invited to ceremony and reception and then, instead of a big party, we went out for a meal with a few friends that we hadn't seen for a long time, to catch up properly. The evening bit wasn't "all about us", it was just a chance to chat to old friends. It didn't detract from the wedding at all, and we're still married 18 years later. (Of course, it might explain why MIL and SIL hate me! Grin)

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