AIBU to wish my colleague would STOP EATING for five sodding minutes?

[SelectAUserName]

I have recently moved desks and the colleague I now sit opposite never seems to stop eating. So far as I know she has no medical conditions that mean she has to graze constantly, it seems to be a combination of liking her food and possibly boredom/habit.

It is driving me up the wall as it is just non-stop. I am learning a new system, I'm having to concentrate hard (inbetween Mumsnetting, obviously ) and it's all to a constant backdrop of rustle-chomp-gulp-rustle-chomp-gulp. She started eating at 09:15 this morning and has barely paused for breath since. It was the same yesterday. I've started yearning to be invited to a meeting just to get away from it, and that's saying something...

ShutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP!

Foxy I have plenty of work. Hard to ignore someone when they are sat in front of you and keep saying I am really hungry and must eat. What shall I eat? Ermm I think I will have - insert food item

I don't really understand this. If I was a boss/employer I would ban eating during work hours. People who work with the public manage to last to break times without snacking - why not extend the same courtesy to people who share office space.

Foxy I think it's the colleague who should find themselves more work to do - if they've got time to eat that lot they can't possibly be fully utilised!

I would ban it too fatlazymummy

If a smoker kept popping out for fag breaks, I'm sure there would be complaints about how it was cutting into their work.

One handed typing and constant face stuffing isn't likely to be fully productive either.

Vlad you need to look up innocently during one of her tirades and say "oh are you fasting? I had no idea"

Select, I wasn't trying to be funny, I seriously think you're bang out of order moaning about others' eating habits when you're wasting time on mumsnet in a new job.

God yes. Totally grim. Our (sadly) communal office in which I spend as little time as possible looks like a slovenly teenagers bedroom, not the work place of middle aged people who want to be taken seriously as professionals. Mouldy mugs, crusty cereal bowls, crumbs, cakes, biscuits, crappy magazines all over the place. I loathe it.
Add to that the vile kitchen and crusty microwave in which people zap unspeakable food combos and my stomach churns. Bleeerghhh.

I also think it should be illegal for anyone under 15 to eat crisps. I don't think cheesy breath and clogged up teeth combined with coffee breath overlaid with a hint of stale digestive can be carried off by anyone.

For your information stridence, I was at a point where I couldn't continue what I was doing until a particular person with administrator rights gave me access to a particular part of the system, and they were unavailable for a certain amount of time. An inevitable part of most new jobs, I've found, is a certain amount of sitting around waiting for the right person to show you what you need to know next.

Select my work was the same when I started, took 2 days before I could get started until I could get full access to everything, so no harm in you looking at MN while you are waiting

How do people eat this stuff and not be huge?!
Today I had Greek yog and berries, protein shake after gym and tea was 4 meatballs with tomato sauce and veg. No snacks at work except two coffees
Now I want crisps

Select, I wasn't trying to be funny, I seriously think you're bang out of order moaning about others' eating habits when you're wasting time on mumsnet in a new job.

She's moaning about the constant noise of "rustle-chomp-gulp-rustle-chomp-gulp"

Mumsnetting isn't going to produce any more noise than normal typing.

Sorry, I didn't realise it was the one and only time you had posted on MN during work's time this week

I'm sorry if you think I am labouring the point but it's really rather churlish to slag off a colleague's eating habits when you are new to the job and fucking around yourself.

...I suggest you bellow across the desk: 'Excuse me, would you mind shutting the frig up whilst I am trying to mumsnet?'

Puhleese - like any normal person can't manage a productive day of work with the odd minute of Mumsnet thrown in here and there. I believe the OP was complaining about the noisy chomping. Not lack of productivity of her colleague.

OP, you are totally in the right. Can you sprinkle her food with laxatives at all?

Loveandsmiles they all do that in my office, drink their crisps crumbs out of the packet, it infuriates me.

I don't understand the people who are saying "employers should ban eating in work hours". How does that work? unless the whole team has their lunch break at the same time (and then who would answer the phones?).

Today, one of my colleagues had her lunch at 12, one had it about 12.30 and I had mine at 12.45. By the time I ate my lunch my colleague who had her lunch at 12 had finished and was working again. And obviously I was working when she had her rather deliciously smelling soup for lunch. How can you realistically avoid colleagues taking their lunch breaks when you're working and vice versa?

I do agree that people ought to minimise the noise though.

They should provide an eating area or staffroom for eating meals, and proper meal breaks. That is what I would do if I was an employer. There would be no eating at desks, because it is unprofessional, IMO.

I have just realised I'm am incredibly annoying work colleague.

I munch 27/7 but now I'm pg it's not just little nibbles, it's full on meals.

And I crunch apples.

And lick my yoghurt lids.

Sorry!

So what exactly was I supposed to do instead, stridence?

There was precisely ONE person in the office yesterday who could give me the access I needed. They were unavailable for over 30 minutes. If I had logged out and done something else - not that I had anything else to do at this point, and even if I had it would have involved using the same system - I would have lost the work I'd done up to that point and had to start again.

I'm not new to the company, only this team and this specialist system, and my so-called "buddy" is on a training course (great planning there, new boss ) so there were no policies to read, no housekeeping rules to learn, no "new starters induction pack" to leaf through, no email signature to set up yadda yadda yadda. The training is pretty sporadic until "buddy" comes back and I'm very familiar with the signs that the rest of the team - with the exception of Food Woman, who is clearly otherwise occupied - are clearly thinking "oh shit, what do we have time to show her / what can we give her to do now?"

So yes, I have spent a bit of time on MN this week, because the alternative is sitting back in the chair staring at Food Woman/the wall/a static screen or making conversation and disturbing everyone on the frequent occasions I have to wait for the person I need to become available. (On the plus side, I've made some useful notes on how NOT to give an induction into this team!)

fatlazymummy it would be lovely if my employer provided a staff room, but in all my years of working for either charities or the public sector (I'm currently in the public sector) I have only ever once worked somewhere where there was a staff room. Almost 1000 people work in the building I'm in, which would mean a lot of staff rooms -it's not going to happen.

It's all very well saying thatvpeople shouldn't eat at their desks but for many people there is no choice. I have no other option, nor do my colleagues.

We do try to be considerate of others when we're eating though.

Lighten up Stridence!

Yabu. Why do you care what she eats? That noise is no louder than her using the phone or talking to a colleague so can't be anymore distracting. In a shared office you need to learn to tune out external noise. What she eats is none of your business tbh.

And who cares if she is thin or overweight? What bearing does that have at all?

Yesterday my day went like this...

Work colleague number 1. Ate a bowl of porridge, an apple, a banana, a packet of mini cheddars, a sandwich, sliced peppers, a yoghurt, a packet of mini chocolate fingers, an apple, a packet of cheese and onion crisps and a cup of soup. At her desk.

And how, exactly do I know precisely what she ate?

Because work colleague number 2 decided to do a little commentary. Ooh an apple. That's x amount of weight watchers points that is, did you know that? Ooh a packet of crisps? That's x amount if weight watchers points, did you know that? It's quite a lot isn't it? You know for the same amount of points you could have 4 salads! Funny, isn't it.
Ooh a yoghurt. That's x amount of weight watchers points, did you know that? I eat the weight watchers yoghurts myself, they taste really nice. Do you want to try one?
Ooh peppers. That's x amount of weight watchers points, did you know that? Good isn't it? You should eat more of those.

SHUT THE FUCK UP. STOP EATING. STOP TALKING ABOUT EATING. JUST FUCKING WELL SHUT UP. AND GO AND EAT IN THE STAFF ROOM, THAT IS, ACTUALLY, DESIGNED FOR PEOPLE TO EAT THEIR FUCKING LUNCH IN

I really feel your pain, OP. I still have horrors when i remember sitting beside a muncher for an 18 mth contract which ended nearly 3 years ago. She ate cakes, pastries, crisps, biscuits all day, chewing with her mouth open and talking while spitting bits of crumb all over the place. When she wasn't eating she was belching loudly, claiming every couple of days that she had a medical problem (reflux)which caused it. I did once say to her that her choice of food may well be the cause of her reflux and was subsequently advised by HR that it was not appropriate to make comment on medical issues so I suffered in silence for the next few months until my contract expired. I refused to renew, citing her eating habits as the reason.