AIBU to wish my colleague would STOP EATING for five sodding minutes?

[SelectAUserName]

I have recently moved desks and the colleague I now sit opposite never seems to stop eating. So far as I know she has no medical conditions that mean she has to graze constantly, it seems to be a combination of liking her food and possibly boredom/habit.

It is driving me up the wall as it is just non-stop. I am learning a new system, I'm having to concentrate hard (inbetween Mumsnetting, obviously ) and it's all to a constant backdrop of rustle-chomp-gulp-rustle-chomp-gulp. She started eating at 09:15 this morning and has barely paused for breath since. It was the same yesterday. I've started yearning to be invited to a meeting just to get away from it, and that's saying something...

ShutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP!

Are you not supposed to lick the foil bit of your yoghurt? .

I'm an out and proud lid licker

But a quiet one

Oh God, one of my mates works next to the boss in their office who eats nothing but crisps and cuppa soup. All day. Good thing is, she's lost two stone as he's put her right off snacking.

God. I ate all day today. I had an apple! I'm just bloody hungry ok - I breast feed and I went to the gym at lunchtime

Get some chocolax and leave it on her desk disguised as a normal chocolate. At least when she's stuck on the loo it will be quiet...

Oh god, I hate noisy eaters!

I work with a loud dieter, very similar to Vlad's loud Faster! 'I've lost 2 stone, don't I look good', 'oh, I don't eat at work anymore' as I'm tucking in my not at all noisy or obtrusive snack (night worker), 'do you like these trousers, they are a size smaller, did I tell you I've lost 2 stone'........

On and on it goes, all frigging night! How I don't kill him before morning I don't know!

And there was someone a few weeks back that ate an extremely ripe mango extremely noisily! I actually did gag and have to leave the room, the smell and sounds were horrific!

Another guilty grazer raising head above the parapet...
I try to save any noisy food for when no one else is around.

I work with a guy who has a bacon, egg and black pudding roll on a Friday morning. He will talk to you while he is eating and spends the remainder of the day with brown sauce across his face. Grim

I work opposite a woman who bloody eats all day. She has a drawer full of food and literally every hour goes to the fridge and gets out yet more food. Her desk is always covered with plates and cups and she to make several trips to the kitchen to keep washing all the dishes.

She saw my salad yesterday and commented that it was huge she brings a carrier bag full of food each day - apparently that is not huge

She is surprisingly not overweight. I am not either but would be if I ate all blinking day

I would sprinkle some mouse droppings on the desk and wait for the penny to drop...and suggest nicely that they like the crumbs so perhaps we had all better eat in the staff room from now on and I'd make 'bleurgh' noises and make myself shiver in horror all day.

I have a work colleague who constantly says how hungry she is, shovels cup a soups down her throat as soon as she walks in (20 mins late) but she is so hungry, talks about the takeaway she gad last night, the two meals she will consume whilst waiting for her husband to get home late, whereupon she will eat takeaway with him and then talks about the rubbish she us going to consume next.

Drives me up the wall and she is the size of a fu**ing house - I just want to swear at her but have to smile and be nice - and breathe......

You know what I can't stand? Noisy, open mouthed gum chewing. Shudder

Used to sit opposite someone who ate all day...or maybe it just seemed that way. Apples, yoghurts, sandwiches with lots of 'nom nom' (ugh) sounds and so on. Eventually, it was said, in general terms, at a staff meeting that people should leave their desks, in order to eat lunch, even if people weren't taking lunch hours or whatever. Thankfully, that stopped her.

Another grazer here, and now I feel bad.

I am a little overweight though not massively so. I've always preferred to graze rather than eat lots in one go. Maybe I will try to go longer without food. There's a lot of eating at desks at my company though which I think has normalised it for me!

stridence that would have been both funnier and more apposite if I hadn't pointed out my own hypocrisy first

I am at home, in blessed silence. Even the animals are quiet (which is worrying, if I'm honest ). I can't hear chewing. It's wonderful.

Ugh. As soon as I read the title I knew that the first question would be about her weight. Why the fuck does that matter? People without weight issues can annoy the crap out of you as well you know.

I always eat at my desk, a small bowl of cereal when I get in, a Tupperware pot of lunch and an apple in the afternoon. I can't imagine having time to get any work done if I ate any more than that.

(Phoenix yes, thank you. 3 years, 2xIUI and 4xIVF and one mc and I have finally got as far as the 12 week mark :) At this point, if the mini alien wants carbs, it gets them!)

OMG YANBU!

Reminds me of a woman I used to work beside who bought boxes of crisps from cash and carry and always kept one beside her desk. She would munch through bags all day and when she got to crumbs at bottom of packet would throw her head back, open her mouth and empty crumbs in ~ I wanted to KILL her. She always ate cheese and onion, prawn cocktail and any other strong flavours you can think of, her phone, paperwork, everything stank of crisps ~ gag ~ getting worked up just thinking of it!!

Oh dear. ...another (bored) grazer here...will try to be more quiet in future and sweep up my own crumbs

In my defense I'm v slim so I need all that food

Foody - fucking cutlery on teeth scrapers - wtf - STOP IT NOW.
And slurpers (I don't care how hot your tea is)
And sweet suckers with the slapping noise thrown in
And general noisy eaters
And this Reno scrape a bowl clean with cutlery - aaaarrrggghh

Look up missophonia - it's a medical condition and I think I probably have it!!!

Today my colleague ate a chocolate bar, leftover curry, box of salad, two slices of cake, three biscuits, a pot of cottage cheese, packet of crisps, cup of soup, a pile of cookies, sandwich and other stuff I can't remember. It just doesn't seem to end.........

Then she wonders why her desk is so dirty and messy

Oh god I could have written the OP...my colleague opposite has just discovered the joys of Pop Chips and eats at least two packets a day...I feel like I'm living every mouthful with her...she's a lovely person and actually my manager but when I see her coming back from her break with a rustling bag I do that silent 'The Scream' face...on the inside.

But actually the whole bloody office is just OBSESSED with food...there's a whole cupboard top area that I have to pass every time I go to the printer that always has at least three packets of biscuits on the go, plus boxes of chocolates and sundry specialty items that someone has just brought back from a trip abroad. I try not to see it but my eyes are automatically drawn there every time I pass. I's a continual test of my willpower!!

Oh just bleh, and gagging whilst licking yoghurt pots just why? You have just eaten the rest of the yoghurt you will not starve if you don't lap up the dregs like a stray dog.

Remarkably, considering what I'm about to say, I am quite tolerant of other people's eating habits; as long as people attempt some measure of manners and courtesy (use cutlery if you need it, chew with your mouth closed, don't champ like a cud chewer etc) but I cannot watch The Supersizers eat... I love Sue Perkins & the idea but watching Giles Coren eat actually makes me feel sick, he is repulsive.

Select - I would fantasize about recreating the scene between Otto and Ken in a fish called Wanda. Slowly stuffing chips into her nostrils until she relents and promises never to do it again. Her doing z snaps without irony made me laugh, you really aren't making her sound appealing!

Cleartheclutter - I think you need to find more work to do and absorb yourself in it!