To think being told "you owe me an apology..." Infuriates me....

[Rhinosaurus]

And makes me highly unlikely to give a bloody apology!!!!

Any context, the pomposity of it makes me very oppositional and argumentative.

If somebody said to me, "what you have just said/done upset me, because...." I probably would feel sorry and say so.

DP is the worst culprit of doing this, and it is getting worse as he gets more and more old fatty

farty not fatty bloody ipad, before somebody demands I owe them an apology for a sizist comment!!

I just think that as a rule apologies are pretty much meaningless. Even more so when they're forced out of you!

It annoys me to.

Politicians are always demanding that other people should apologise or resign or (this one really winds me up) lose the pension they've been paying into for thirty years.

My daughter gets her oppositional defiance disorder from me. I'm 55 and a stubborn old bag. Like you, if I'm told in those terms, the likelihood is a big fat "No chance!"

I don't know. Nobody's ever said it to me. So what are you doing that someone has said this to you?

TBH I'd find it weird if dh had said this. We both try to keep things on track. Sometimes I'm useless because I'm shattered. But he understands. Something's not in tune.

I think we need more detail. Give me an example?

before somebody demands I owe them an apology for a sizist comment!!

No but you did make a fartist comment

Apologies by definition aren't things owed are they?

They're supposed to be freely given.

Askbasil

Can't say this has ever happened to me. I do instruct dtds to say sorry but they are 2yo - would never ask an adult!

Sorry to all farters, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings

Bloody fairy dust in my eyes now, Askbasil owes me an apology, harummmphhhhhhhhh

Nova1111 - nothing in particular, I certainly don't get asked every day, can be anything from forgetting some shopping to more serious misdemeanours like..... Oooooh....... I don't know......... Not locking the garage!!!!

OK op so you know this is bollocks don't you - everybody forgets to lock the garage from time to time. I get asked to get one thing shopping (as does dh) and buy a load of stuff but generally forget the one thing. If someone's seriously asking you to apologise for it they have a screw loose. None of this is important in the grand scheme of things.

I know it's not important, hence I never comply! I just wondered if anyone else found it as infuriating and pompous as I do - those who have experienced it obviously!

fart in his face and don't apologise! ,. is it his garage you forgot to lock?? he needs a good slap.

Hmmmm well the man space should not be compromised at any time!!!!

It's very odd and I would find it infuriating. I think my response would be something along the lines of "I am very sorry that you are such an irritable fucker and I wish that you could have a sunnier disposition."

body and Cas your comments have left me laughing so much for the last 5 min ! and fatty/farty te he ! DH is wondering what's wrong with me!
Have had a $hit day so this has cheered me up no end.

Depends if I do owe them an apology. If it's my fault- yes!

YABU. I'd far rather someone told me that I'd done something to piss them off enough to require an apology than passively-aggressively seethe in silence. I don't have to hand over the apology, but at least it's assertive....

Hmmmm split opinion. Perhaps I am just an argumentative git. I'm off to fart in the unlocked garage (purely in the interests of research).

I don't know, being directed to give an apology is annoying, but if I forgot to buy something I'd specifically been asked to get, I'd apologise (without being asked to). It's a very light thing, it acknowledges that you have inconvenienced someone, you don't have to throw yourself to the ground beating your chest and tearing your hair. If DH continuously did thoughtless annoying things without apologising, I might start asking him to.

Hmmmm split opinion. Perhaps I am just an argumentative git. I'm off to fart in the unlocked garage (purely in the interests of research).

It depends on what you mean by "apology".

If you mean "a verbal demonstration that you feel sorry from the bottom of your heart" then clearly that is something that can never be owed and can only be freely given.

If you mean "a verbal acknowledgement that what you did was wrong and a commitment to make sure it is not repeated" then I can think of plenty of instances where it is perfectly legitimate to demand that. Otherwise how can you ever trust people not to muck up again?

"What you've done upsets me" can easily descent into emotional blackmail. Besides, there are plenty of cases where it's not about my emotions but about something being unsafe/illegal/inappropriate: I shouldn't have to pretend to some emotion I don't feel just to get a reassurance it doesn't happen again.

But tbh all these responses seem a bit overwrought for simple forgetfulness about shopping or garages. Is he a bit uptight?

I just think that as a rule apologies are pretty much meaningless. Even more so when they're forced out of you!

This is my husband's view, whereas I think apologies are very important for excising the wound and moving forward. An apology is acknowledgment, isn't it?

It's a twatty and superior thing to say.
If dh said it to me, I'd tell him to take a running jump!

Dont know OP.

If it infuriates you then YANBU to think it infuriates you. If it doesnt infuriate you then YABU to think it infuriates you.