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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong or was my mum

100 replies

6tantrumsaday · 24/02/2014 20:50

So it's half term this week here and me and DH somehow managed to get a few hours to ourselves our youngest two were in playdates and my eldest two were at out neighbours house helping out.

So we were watching tv on the sofa together when my mum walked in and shouted 'what the hell are you doing' I told her to calm down we were just sitting together. She said she could see that and it was disgusting. I said she was being silly we were just sitting here doing nothing and she needed to calm down.
She grumbled and said she was fed up of my backchat. I ignored her.

Then she asked where the DCs had gone. I explained to her and she said that it was just like me to get rid of my DCs and she never abandoned me or my brother. I told her they were happy and to just leave it. She got upset saying they couldn't be happy in school and I was a lazy mum for leaving them there. (She home educated me and my DB and thinks schools are substandard compared to her teaching)
I ignored her again because I have had this argument many times before and I didn't want to have it again.

A little later and whilst she was 'going to the toilet' she found DDs school bag which 'fell' open and she saw some of DDs work. DD is struggling with learning the alphabet so the teacher had sent back some of her work to show us were she was going wrong and some activities to do in the week. My mum just wouldn't shut up about how this was my fault and the schools fault and she was disgusted with me for letting my DCs down.

In the end I got annoyed and told her to go if it upset her that much. She left saying that she hated me and she was fed up of my stupidity.

An hour ago my mum's DH rang our house saying I had really upset her and she couldn't sleep and if I was mean to her again I would have to answer to him. I told him that my mum was unreasonable and he said that I was in the wrong because she wanted the best for my DCs.

So was I being unreasonable because other than the part when I got angry with her I don't think I am in the wrong and yet when things like this happen it's always me who has bullied my poor mum.

So I am throwing it to you AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
6tantrumsaday · 24/02/2014 21:12

She doesn't work and hasn't since I was born.

OP posts:
Wantsunshine · 24/02/2014 21:14

You should avoid her for a while. What does your DH say?
She sounds vile. I bet she wouldn't have taken that kind of comment if people criticised her home schooling you so why should she feel she can comment on your choices.

FryOneFatManic · 24/02/2014 21:16

I would certainly be telling her DH exactly where to get off. Who does he think he is, telling you that you'll have to answer to him?

I'm sorry, your mum's most definitely in the wrong here. Your house, so you can snuggle up to your DH if you want or anything else, for that matter

Original poster
6tantrumsaday · 24/02/2014 21:21

I know I shouldn't put up with the things she does but I feel like I have to because she is my mum. I stopped talking to her when I went to uni but once I had my DCs I felt bad because I realised if my DCs didn't want to talk to me I would be really upset.

OP posts:
EverybodysStressyEyed · 24/02/2014 21:22

I would save up a few phrases to repeat at her

'This is my house. Do not tell me what I can do in it.'

'How dare you enter my house uninvited and criticise me'

'They are my children and I will decide how to educate and parent them'

'This is my husband and I will decide what I get up to on the sofa with him'

And always put the chain on. Your kids can knock!

She sounds a right pain in the arse and I admire how you kept your composure.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 24/02/2014 21:23

You've taken the wrong lesson from that.

What you should realise is that treating your children lovingly and respectfully will mean they want to keep talking to you!!

natwebb79 · 24/02/2014 21:23

What does your DH say when she bursts in and starts her bat shit craziness?! If that was my MIL she'd be out on her frickin ear. Or at least getting a rather loud and frank ear bashing. Jeeeeeeze!

FracturedViewOfLife · 24/02/2014 21:25

You don't have to put up with being spoken to like that by anyone.

Monty27 · 24/02/2014 21:25

Wow! How interfering is that!

She was wrong. YANBU!

iklboo · 24/02/2014 21:25

She was 'disgusted' you were snuggling up to DH on the sofa? How did she think you had the children - ordered them off Amazon.

As for her DH saying you would answer to him? He could meet my friends 'Fuck' and 'Off'. Tosser.

Backtobedlam · 24/02/2014 21:26

YANBU your mother sounds totally out of order! Most parents would be glad to see you were getting a break and spending some time with your DH.

Original poster
6tantrumsaday · 24/02/2014 21:27

My DH doesn't like my mum because she insults me all the time but he has agreed to let me decide what happens with her.

OP posts:
EverybodysStressyEyed · 24/02/2014 21:27

Your dh has the patience of a saint

EverybodysStressyEyed · 24/02/2014 21:28

Does she talk to the kids that way? Does she speak to you like that in front of the kids?

Anniegetyourgun · 24/02/2014 21:29

You mean whether she should be buried under the patio or the oak tree?

TheBookofRuth · 24/02/2014 21:33

Your mother sounds deranged. I wouldn't have anything more to do with her or her DH, and I wouldn't want her around my children.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 24/02/2014 21:34

Avoid the oak, you might cut a main root by accident when digging.

I suggest a patio.

(and also some serious rule changing where your mother is concerned. She doesn't sound nice or healthy to be around)

Chloerose75 · 24/02/2014 21:35

Bloody hell she sounds horrendous and obviously she is in the wrong. Who does she thnk she is!

Burren · 24/02/2014 21:35

Dear God, she sounds unhinged and aggressive - does she talk at all other than in roars and whinges of outrage?

And do explain why she roared at you and your husband for watching TV on the sofa? Were you naked and in mid-activity and never mentioned it? I just fail to see how seeing someone watch TV could engender such outrage, even if it was some really terrible programme...

Helppleasaadise · 24/02/2014 21:36

Btw what the hell is up with the faulty logic of your mothers dh... She's right cos she cares about your dc? Whereas you don't?!

Original poster
6tantrumsaday · 24/02/2014 21:38

She doesn't talk like that to the DCs I made it clear from the start that I wouldn't be coming back if she spoke to my DCs like that. She is also not left alone with them because I don't trust her. She doesn't speak to me like that in front of the DCs.

OP posts:
bellasuewow · 24/02/2014 21:38

Your mother is abusive join the stately homes thread she sounds like all the others tbh

TheBookofRuth · 24/02/2014 21:39

She's still a wanker.

FryOneFatManic · 24/02/2014 21:40

I think your mum has forgotten that while you may be her daughter, you are no longer her child and as such she no longer has the right to tell you what to do.

And if your mum has no right, then her husband (who I assume is not your dad, the way you've described him) has even less right than that to tell you what to do.

Original poster
6tantrumsaday · 24/02/2014 21:43

Burren she was upset because we were sat together. We were fully dressed and watching The Muskateers we had recorded.

OP posts: