to be perfectly happy in my own company?

[Stinklebell]

because apparently it's "weird"

I'm not madly extrovert, not a hermit either, but I am perfectly happy pottering around by myself.

I work part time from home, and I've just had a very nice couple of hours with Sky+ and my ironing pile

DH is the opposite, loves company, always organising get togethers and nights out - even stuff like a Saturday night takeaway turns into a mad social gathering and sometimes I just find it a bit too much.

My DH went away with our kids a couple of weeks ago, and a friend was all "oh, you can't stay home on your own, I'll be over Friday with some wine, we'll go shopping Saturday then we'll go out Saturday night". It was lovely of her, but she didn't quite get that actually, I am just fine tootling around alone. I like mooching around the shops on my own, I like chilling out with a film or something on my own. I don't want to stand outside the school gates for an hour every morning chatting, or go somewhere for coffee or meet up for lunch every day

I don't mind friends over, I don't mind meeting friends for a coffee, I just don't want to do it all the time. I like my own space, I like my own company, I'm not bored or lonely, I just don't want to be surrounded by people all the time.

It's not unreasonable, right?

Brittapie, 'Reading in a busy library or cafe recharges my batteries'.

Mine too, come to think of it. I love my own company but simultaneously like the feeling of being 'seen'. What does that make us?

I love my own company but simultaneously like the feeling of being 'seen'. What does that make us?

Me too, but only if I'm having a good outfit day. I love clothes and hate the thought of wasting a good outfit on a day where people won't see me. I'm a vain, show off introvert

only and stinkle me too. I would have thought that introverts would be quite sort of quiet-looking, but I like to be "seen" too. I have a look-at-me car, a definite style of home decor, and a love of clothes.

Most extroverts I know do not look the part of an extrovert. They seem to be quite ordinary-looking, whereas I stand out more. Never thought about it before!

Never thought about it before!

No me neither.

It's odd, I would have said an introvert would have dressed and acted in a way that would make them blend into the background if you see what I mean.

I love clothes and fashion, fart-arsing about with my hair and make up. My style doesn't scream "look at me, LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!" but I do make an effort every day, I like to dress up and I do wear clothes that may raise a few eyebrows high heels on the school run anyone?

I don't mind being 'seen' I just don't want to have to talk to anyone

Maybe I dress like that so I can hide behind my clothes, if my outfit speaks for me then I don't have to? I don't know

Stinkle, 'I love clothes and hate the thought of wasting a good outfit on a day where people won't see me. I'm a vain, show off introvert'

I could have written that. I often dress in clothes I love and that show off my best bits there aren't many, granted, but do it more with strangers on the tube/in the street in mind than with the person I'm going to meet...

I'm not sure if being an introvert means you want to blend into the background tbh (but then I have issues with the concept of 'introvert' and 'extrovert' anyway; I suspect they're often used wrongly or too loosely, and I think people and society are more complex than that and that it's almost impossible to put people in boxes).

I find that people like us who like their own company are often the best listeners so unfortunately we are by default liked and chased by the bloody extroverts who love to talk about themselves and go out but need an introvert to listen to them.

consequently we are popular. that's the pain so often we get lots of invites we don't want.

YES, being alone does get a bad press. But there are plenty of people who prefer it.

I prefer being on my own most of the time. I like my own company and being able to enjoy my hobbies which are all solitary activities. I can enjoy being with friends for a short time but after a couple of hours most people become annoying.

Luckily I live alone with DD. DD is an extrovert so she gets me out meeting people more often than I would if I was left to my own devices.

I don't think I've ever felt lonely in my life.

OP - there's nothing weird about it, it's just personal preference.

Me too. I'm an extrovert who likes to be alone sometimes.

I like time on my own too but I wouldn't say I am in introvert. I like short periods of time (maximum a few days) to myself but if I am totally honest, I usually feel more invigorated and energised after a social get together.

I don't particularly like big dos with lots of people I don't know, but I always feel as if I have enjoyed myself much more if I have had a weekend of last minute impromptu get togethers (not real words there!) that involve a bit of chaos. Dh who is an introvert can cope with these sorts of weekends but they exhaust him so he finishes the weekend tired. I on the other hand often find that a very quiet weekend at home with not much company other than immediate family and no trips out means that I end the weekend feeling quite lethargic, even if I was looking forward to a quiet weekend IYSWIM

I think everyone needs and should be able to enjoy some time alone; I know I can, but I definitely feel more energised if I have had company over a weekend rather than after a quiet few days on my own. Dh is the opposite so I would say I am an extrovert and Dh is an introvert. we try and balance things so that we both get what we need.

I think is a good definition for me anyway. I definitely recharge in company more than on my own

I heard something similar when someone asked If I had a problem at work and decided to have a walk to take a break from it would I tend to:

A - Spend the time while walking thinking about possible solutions to the problem and getting some perspective on it before maybe coming back to with a solution or failing that possibly to discuss it with someone if I felt it could help.

B - Wander around looking at the lovely scenery, distracting myself before coming back to discuss the problem with someone.

I would always prefer to B, whereas I know dh would probably do A. I would probably try to think about the problem on the walk but to be honest my natural inclination would be to forget about it for a bit and then talk it through with someone, whereas dh's would definitely be to think about it while walking and try and solve it on his own first before involving anyone else

So where are all you fellow introverts in RL? I feel like I'm surrounded with 'let's have a party' types everywhere. I do like my own company but I also like being with similarly introverted people who are funny and interesting. I feel like it's a rare find these days or maybe people are all acting as extroverts to seem fun & interesting. Too much fakery going on..

hello there. i'm new to this forum. perhaps i shouldnt really be on here, because i'm divorced and have no children, and i know this is called 'mumsnet'. however reading about being alone struck a nerve. i am nearly 61, lived alone for many years. i dont have any family, and am an inbetweener in the way i feel about being alone. i have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for many years, so dont find it easy to go out very often. i do tend to try and go out, after taking some medication to relax me, for a walk, to the shops etc. i have never been a person that has made friends easily. in fact, i cant say i really have a 'friend' at all these days. the odd one or two that i know tend to suggest arrangements, which i agree to with no problems, then 9 times out of 10, they cancel on me!. this has become almost a ritual with them, i can guarantee that i will receive a text message or a message via facebook to cancel an arrangement they suggested!.......therefore i am becoming more and more intolerant of people, when its done to me so many times i tend to cut that person off, as i feel as if i am '1st reserve' in alot of cases, i never make a fuss, so feel as if they think, well i can do that to her, she dosent seem to mind. its happened to me as far back as i can remember, even before panic attacks etc, was exactly the same at school and in my teens. i still spent alot of time alone. nowadays, i cant stand social situations. i used to go the the pub, watch bands. i no longer get enjoyment out of this and dont want to do it anymore. so feel as if i am becoming more of a lone wolf, and that people in general are just irritating, and tend to want to talk about themselves without ever asking about me. maybe i have appeared to be too needy in the past, going out of my way to please, and its had the opposite reaction. being in my own company alot of the time, i am not quite sure how to cope with. i really dont mind not going out at night anymore, curling up on the sofa and watching my tv programmes. i certainly wouldnt want to live with anyone else again. i dont work now, so i dont have that interaction, but i'm at a loss with how to deal with being alone all the time. i can sit in a cafe with a coffee, that dosent bother me. but i dont find people seek me out, so the remarks that learning to just enjoy your own company and that other people will seek you out is beyond me and always has been. i've found your comments very interesting, and i dont feel quite so weird, but wondering if there is anyone else out there feeling as i do, in similar circumstances and quite how to go about changing my 'inbetween' attitude. your comments would be most welcome.

I love being home on my own able to watch and do what I want! Someone people like their own company and those that don't find it hard to understand!

myselfandi. Do you feel like you want to get out more? Do you think you could volunteer at a local food bank or something? School Governor?(you don't have to have a link to a school).

I do feel like I need to get out of the house or I'll burst sometimes, but not necessarily want to see or speak to anyone. A good tramp along the beach with my dog, especially this time of year when it's a bit wild and deserted, usually sorts me out

I know what you mean about becoming less tolerant of people - I'm the same and have got more intolerant as I've got older and find more and more people irritating

thanks both of you for your comments. sometimes i think i should get out more, i went for a long walk monday afternoon and yesterday afternoon.........today, after the let down (yet again) with the arrangement to see my neighbour, as usual, she cancelled, left me feeling somewhat angry and annoyed, and i couldnt bring myself to even get changed and go for a wander somewhere. i live in a small town where there is little to do. i feel as if my panicky feelings would hold me back at something like volunteering, some days i find it difficult to even cross a road!, sorry i didnt want to dwell on the stressful feelings i have. but agree stinklebell that i am becoming 'bah humbug' about alot of self centered people who would rather talk about themselves and their problems. i find i only go so far with people and then get sick of it and bin it off. i cant say i'm not patient with these people, because i let things go for a while before i say enough is enough, its just that i dont understand why i get treated like that anyway, and i think that has put me off people. finding a way of actually liking myself and my own company, well i'm finding it difficult to do, i admit, i have never liked crowds.........dont like alot of women in a group, and always preferred working on my own. i had a month's free trial at a women's only gym a while ago, i quite enjoyed that, you could chat if you wanted to, or not, as the feeling took you. BUT it was expensive then to join, and i dont have much income, so had to leave that one be. i dont drive, which is also a hindrence. i think i need some sort of hobby. used to go to a free computer class which allowed me to do powerpoint presentations about things i really liked. then their own funding, being voluntary meant i could not just go and do that, i would have had to take on an ECDL course, which i didnt enjoy, so i stopped going there. pity, because i became lost in my own world of doing my presentations, although i never wanted to stand up and deliver them, it was for my own pleasure. i'm going on a bit arent i........hoping that people will still keep commenting!

Do you think some people just naturally become more introverted as they get older? In my twenties I was happy to go out to the pub or parties every week and chat away to new people, some of whom then became friends and some didn't. Now at 39 with DH, two DCs and a part-time job I'd much rather spend the limited free time I have nurturing my pre-existing friendships rather than running around constantly trying to make new friends. I also think once you have children it's so hard to get time alone to yourself that even previously extrovert people start to value time alone. I guess I'm trying to say that maybe growing older and the experience of having small children dependent on you and taking up a lot of your time and personal space makes many people more introverted than they were previously. We seem to live in a society which really values the extrovert, maybe because it's seen as a quality of younger people and our society disproportionally values youth.

I've always been like it to a degree, my intolerance to 'people' has increased since I've got older though.

I was never one to be surrounded by a bevy of friends, I've always only stuck with 2 or 3

But yes, I think having children and a DH has impacted on it. Everyone wants a piece of me

i agree with the comments about becoming more intolerant of people with getting older. i would be the one in the old folks' home sat in a corner, not kicking my legs up doing the hokey cokey!! haha. i never have felt comfortable with crowds of people and have always found it difficult to make and keep friendships. i was still going to watch bands and having late nights in my 50's, i had a partner then, 9 years younger than me, but got fed up of the lifestyle, enjoyed it for a while, then it became boring to me, as does just sitting in a pub. however, we split up, so i dont have a partner or children to concentrate my time on, and also what i would call 'fair weather' friends, or rather acquaintances would be a better word, no one 'solid' in my life.......which is why i have to be 'solid' to myself

Not weird at all.

I love some of the time alone I have (not very much at the minute as DP won't leave me alone very much in case baby arrives). I potter about, do my own thing.

I equally love going round to a friend's for a catch up or meeting up in town for a coffee and a bit of a shop, but like you I'm not bothered about being with others all the time.

Im my best friend! Apart from DC! I wish I could live somewhere remote and not see another soul for ages!!

OP, someone else recommended a book 'The Power of Introverts' by Susan Cain. This TED video by the author gives you an overview of her take on it: www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html.

I dislike the word introvert, because it always feels like an insult. I prefer to think of myself as reflective, analytical, observant, measured. I married someone a bit like me, and our DC1 is a chip of the block and block-ess. However, DC2 has a rogue gene from the in-laws and is a complete extrovert! We find that an interesting challenge, and swing between marveling and cringing at his brashness, never quite sure when to rein him in.

Anyone else got a cuckoo in the nest?

myselfandI - have a look at www.meetup.com. I have found this very good for social events and meeting some new people, you just go to things you fancy, no obligation, have a look and see if there are any groups near you

I'm the same, when my twins were born for my birthday all I wanted was a night on my own in the travel lodge ( never got it) I think everyone thought I was joking :)

I like my own company, and I love my days off when I can just do stuff (don't like it when I have to do housework), but pottering is lovely, catch up on programs on iplayer, podcasts. I try and appreciate the days when dp works at home as well and we can have lunch together, but tbh I prefer it when I'm on my own.

But I wouldn't want to do it every day, and I do notice that I do get a bit low if I have days on end when I don't chat to someone other than dp. It rained a lot before half term so there was no pre-school chat, and v. little after school chat, and I did feel a bit lonely.

I'm the sort of person who likes one friend who I see regularly, but still to have plenty of me time. Sadly I don't have one anymore.