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Original poster

To think these parents have lost their minds and wonder If SS could be involved?

85 replies

MamaPain · 23/02/2014 10:13

DM Link

I will try to find another link but gist of the story is these parents are supporting their 16 year old daughter in her choice to move to Turkey to live with and marry a 21 year old Turkish barman who she started a relationship with on the family holiday.

To me it just seems a madness and I wonder if there's a case for involvement by outside agencies. I think they are not just allowing but helping their child to put herself in such a vulnerable situation.

OP posts:
cory · 23/02/2014 10:55

it's the DM parent, TSSDNCOP; they breed them specially for the paper
or alternatively just twist what they say and make things up to cover gaps in information

CalamityKate · 23/02/2014 10:55

What Cory said ^

As it is, it's ridiculous.

They are not in love. IMO, in order to be in love enough with someone to marry them, you have to know that person. They can barely speak each other's language. There is no way they know each other well enough to marry. Lust yes. Infatuation yes. But describing what this pair feel for each other as love makes a mockery of the word.

As for the parents, words fail me. Oh I get that they can't stop her. But if I were them I'd be tearing my hair out, not posing happily for pictures in the paper and bleating on about true love blossoming and how the girl needs to follow her heart Hmm

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 23/02/2014 10:56

I think the fail will be rubbing their collective grimy paws over this.
I agree with Cory.

Original poster
MamaPain · 23/02/2014 10:56

Bella/Cory, that makes sense, I just cannot understand them being totally ok with her giving up her education and her life at such a young age. Maybe I'm cynical but I think she'll be pregnant quickly, I can't see her having much access to contraception if she doesn't speak the language. Then it's all going to be even harder.

Fine they don't want to alienate her but supporting her in sacrificing so much and entering a situation where she's so vulnerable, in a country they don't know that well seems worse than misguided.

Also I know I'm reading the story, but why on earth gave they gone to the press with this?

OP posts:
CalamityKate · 23/02/2014 10:58

Because they're idiots, Mama?

Original poster
MamaPain · 23/02/2014 10:58

Oops I've cross posted a lot it seems but yes my DD was a lot more worldly wise at that age and I'd not be supporting her at all

OP posts:
georgesdino · 23/02/2014 10:59

Why do you think if you didnt support them they wouldnt do it anyway? Very naive to think they wouldnt.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 23/02/2014 11:02

I think Cory has it spot on.

I married at 20. Dh was 23. We had been together less than 18 months at the time.

We will have been together 15 years on Thursday. (Married for over 13.)

We have been pretty happy. I think our marriage is pretty good.

But (with hindsight) I think we married too young. The fact that it worked has been more to do with good luck than good management. If dd wanted to marry at that age I would tell her this.

ExcuseTypos · 23/02/2014 11:04

Well having 20 and 23 year old DDs I wouldn't have let this happen. My DDs didn't do "what they liked" at 16, they certainly wouldn't have been allowed to sleep with someone they'd just met on holiday.

If they had met and "fell in love" with someone, they'd be encouraged to write and visit each other and have a very long engagement.

cory · 23/02/2014 11:05

To be fair, CalamityKate, I have often wondered what real love actually means.

How I could look across a muddy field in a foreign country and see dh and know he was The One (and still know he is The One 31 years later). I've never understood it.

Whilst other people can work in the same workplace for years and then when they get married find they can't stand each other.

Or be married for years and then realise the other person has had a whole double life that they knew nothing about.

What is knowing another person? Do we ever know another person?

These are deep waters and I'd rather not go there, especially not with a teenager.

I think I'd concentrate on the practicalities: if he leaves Turkey to be with you before he has done his NS then he can never go back to his own country, never be with his parents- what would that be like for him? If you go there to marry him and he then starts on his NS, you will be stuck with his family who won't understand a word you say and may find you a bit of a nuisance- what will that be like for you? Will his barman's wages be enough for the two of you- and maybe a child - to live on and if not, what can you contribute to your income?

All in a calm undramatic manner. And all the while profoundly grateful that my mother never had to do this for me, as I was perfectly capable of doing it for myself.

TSSDNCOP · 23/02/2014 11:05

Grin Cory

That's the thing Mama surely one would need to tell the papers about this kind of story, it's not like it's breaking news worthy of investigative journalism.

At the very least you'd worry about her welfare whilst her husband is doing national service. A wiki search suggests Turkish women tend not to marry until NS is completed, that would be my argument for an extended engagement right there.

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2014 11:05

Sorry, I clicked the link Blush.

As far as I can see her idiot parents facilitated the relationship by returning for a second trip 'to meet the family'.

If they hadn't gone back, there is no way she could have got there on her own as she's not working and couldn't have paid for it.

A long-distance Skype relationship would probably have fizzled out - especially when the next batch of holidaymakers arrived

What on earth were they thinking?

Original poster
MamaPain · 23/02/2014 11:06

I haven't said they wouldn't do it anyway, although thankfully I'm yet to have a DC so lacking in common sense, but parental support sends a message this is ok. This is not ok, it's fucking stupid, I wouldn't be deluding my daughter any further and I certainly wouldn't be roping the DM or Mirror into this farce.

OP posts:
georgesdino · 23/02/2014 11:07

My parents said yes then paniced and said no do we jumped on a plane to the caribbean. It makes us all laugh now.

CalamityKate · 23/02/2014 11:08

Georgesdino - there's being dead against it and having no part of it.
There's being dead against it but resigning yourself that it's going to happen anyway.
And there's appearing in the papers, grinning inanely, seemingly proud to tell the world that your 16 year old daughter is sleeping with, and set to marry a man she barely knows and whom she can hardly converse with.

I'd be bloody embarrassed - not parading myself and my idiotic family over the papers.

cory · 23/02/2014 11:08

TSSDNCOP Sun 23-Feb-14 11:05:31

" A wiki search suggests Turkish women tend not to marry until NS is completed, that would be my argument for an extended engagement right there."

Now that is genius Grin

TSSDNCOP · 23/02/2014 11:09

Meanwhile, isn't she as a person under 18 required to be in education in the UK?

Heebiejeebie · 23/02/2014 11:10

Cory, tell us more...

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/02/2014 11:11

Why do they have to rush into marriage. Most people have long term relationships before they marry, especially at 16.
I agree that the parents can't do much with a 16 year old, but I think they should be allowed to see each other before the whole thing dies out she makes such a major decision.

cory · 23/02/2014 11:12

Nanny0gg Sun 23-Feb-14 11:05:43

"A long-distance Skype relationship would probably have fizzled out - especially when the next batch of holidaymakers arrived "

Yes to this. And if it didn't then at least you'd know they were serious about it.

Dh and I kept a letter-based relationship (with visits twice a year) going for the best part of 10 years. I don't think anyone who eventually attended our wedding doubted that we were committed.

TSSDNCOP · 23/02/2014 11:13

Cory I'm on fire. Wiki and the DM on a Sunday morning for a righteous indignation fest Grin

sitting on hands rather than type my query about how her home education panned out, apart from percentages

Original poster
MamaPain · 23/02/2014 11:13

I got together with my DH when we were young. I'm not doubting young love. Also my DH is technically foreign so it's not that aspect either.

Luckily if when I met DH I said I was moving in with the ILs abroad my parents would have done everything in their power not to let me be so stupid and also I think we had a good enough balance that I would have listened.

Do these people ever say no to their daughter?

OP posts:
georgesdino · 23/02/2014 11:16

I wouldnt of listened to anyone in the world, and I still wouldnt now.

Original poster
MamaPain · 23/02/2014 11:17

Also they must be funding this. You can get cheap flights but does she have a job? Maybe that's why they sold the story.

My DD would be needing to pay for her own flight and anything else.

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 23/02/2014 11:18

I can't think of a single parent who, when confronted with such a dilemma, would have come up with "Lightbulb! We'll pop back to Turkey and let them DTD that'll put a stop to all this whirlwind romance malarkey" as a top solution.