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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give money towards a colleague's baby gift?

19 replies

MB34 · 22/02/2014 22:10

I will probably give the money but just gauging if I'm BU for not wanting to.

My colleague and I are like chalk and cheese but we are civil to each other to create an ok working environment.

I went on maternity leave a few years ago and I got a bunch of flowers and 4 cupcakes from my colleagues (I assume all 7 contributed as they'd all signed the card). When my DS was born I didn't get anything, not even a card - I wasn't expecting anything tbh.

Now, one of those colleagues is expecting. She went on Mat leave when I was on annual leave - I think she got some flowers from the rest of our colleagues. When I returned I asked who I owed money to and was told not to worry about it. I'm not even sure if my name was on the card (I doubt it!) A collection is being done in work now for when the baby arrives and I'm really begrudging putting in any money at all.

As I said, I probably will, but AIBU for feeling that I don't want to?

OP posts:
TamerB · 22/02/2014 22:11

Don't put it in if you don't want to.

NoodleOodle · 22/02/2014 22:12

If it's a brown envelope, just put in some small change, that's what I used to do.

sonlypuppyfat · 22/02/2014 22:13

If you don't want to don't. You are a grown up do what you want.

ThePinkOcelot · 22/02/2014 22:13

If you don't want to, don't put in.

MooMaid · 22/02/2014 22:14

Noodle I do the same - hate the feeling that you have to contribute especially when there are several collections.

OP either commit to not putting in and don't feel bad about it - it's a gift not a demand or pop some loose change in looking super generous but in fact putting bog all in!

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 22/02/2014 22:15

Put in a condom.

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 22/02/2014 22:21

If it's someone I don't like I put in the coppers from my purse or just cross my name off the list and don't sign the card or put money in Blush

MichonnesSamuraiSword · 22/02/2014 22:23

Nope I wouldn't contribute. Why should you feel pressured into giving a gift to someone you don't even like.

Do what Noodle suggests if you don't feel able to refuse outright.

I bloody hate these things. I work part-time in a large open plan office, with 30+ people. Several times I've been handed a collection envelope for someone's birthday, for people who I barely say hello to. Once, a young intern was leaving his job to go travelling. I had barely even met this guy, certainly never had a conversation with him. I came in one day to find a collection envelope on my desk for a leaving present for him... he's fucking leaving his job to travel around the world FFS, he doesn't need compensating for it!

I just pass these envelopes on to the next sucker.

Dubjackeen · 22/02/2014 22:27

Thankfully, these collections are a thing of the past where I work. A couple of years ago, I got a demand by email, from my then manager, to contribute to a wedding present, stating the specific amount to be handed over.
I barely knew the guy, and wouldn't even have known he was getting married. I ignored it.

Nomama · 23/02/2014 11:02

When a woman who had made my work life utterly miserable left I put a penny in the collection and clearly signed my name under a comment that alluded to people who were not her family!

Ooops! My bad.... as only sad people say Grin

Hassled · 23/02/2014 11:09

I'd put in some change just so I could be seen to have contributed for the sake of an easy life. Otherwise there might be mutterings - "that MB34's really tight" etc. Unless you're not fussed if that's the outcome, in which case just ignore it completely.

bluntasabullet · 23/02/2014 11:58

If she wasn't work related, and was a "friend" would you give her a present/money?

Don't give her money if you don't want to. Simple.

ViviDeBeauvoir · 23/02/2014 12:07

I've never contributed to a collection that I don't want to and on the other hand have been very generous to collections for people I really like.

Don't feel bad about it.

LizLemonaid · 23/02/2014 12:11

Put fifty cents in! Pass it on. Forget it.

Ifeel like having a big collectoon for myself! It never flows back to be bacause i am not / never married.
Im quite tight now.

Fairyliz · 23/02/2014 12:53

Difficult one this. I work in an office and its my job to start off these collections for maternity/leavers/big birthdays, (and yes I hate it ). One woman I know never puts into the collections just hands the envelope back which is fair enought.
However, when she had a big birthday recently she was happy to accept £80 worth of presents. I am sure some people did not want to contribute to her present but felt obliged to.
I have suggested stopping these collections and jut buy for people you want to but there was a real reluctance to do so when I suggested it.

Viviennemary · 23/02/2014 13:00

I think it's easier to give something than nothing. Just put a token amount in. A pound or even fifty pence would do.

Forago · 23/02/2014 13:04

If someone is leaving that I dislike then is just put in some coppers and just sign my name, not write any comments. Think it is clear then that you are keeping up appearances only.

BookFairy · 23/02/2014 13:06

YANBU. In my office we had 5 collections for people leaving Sept-Dec, plus goodbye lunches. I'm not made of money!

horseycoursey · 23/02/2014 13:10

Yanbu. Don't contribute

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