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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this offensive

418 replies

JingleMyBells · 21/02/2014 14:03

As I was leaving my neurology appointment, I have epilepsy, the receptionist loudly said to her colleague "I nearly had a fit the other night when I saw the state of the house".

To me wrong in many ways. Firstly, wrong terminology secondly, demeaning to people who have SEIZURES, could be upsetting for those newly diagnosed plus just generally inappropriate.

OP posts:
Funnyfoot · 21/02/2014 15:49

For some odd reason I have put Whinge with me as a little tune in my head! How bizarre.

Think it would be a great topic though. Somebody go ask MNHQ

SauvignonBlanche · 21/02/2014 15:52

It's your personal opinion that it was "crass", SaucyJack. You may have pointed out the absolutely pedantic use of the term but to 'pull someone up on it' is inappropriate, unless of course your client was devastated by it, though I imagine you'd have mentioned it if they were.

complexnumber · 21/02/2014 15:53

Well I was offended and that is what matters

Then why did you start the post, if you knew you were going to be offended.

YouAreMyRain · 21/02/2014 15:55

Are you being unreasonable?

Well, seeing as you asked, yes!!!!! YABU

As for the Deaf client/ you'll be hearing from us nonsense, Deaf people commonly sign "never heard" for something they have never encountered and also use the term "talking" . Too many professionally offended people around.

SaucyJack · 21/02/2014 15:55

My keychild had SLDs and would not have had the capacity to understand 90% of what she said, much less be offended.

Still doesn't mean it wasn't the worst way to express that particular sentiment, out of all of the billions of words in the English language.

SauvignonBlanche · 21/02/2014 15:55

Another vote for Whinge with me, go on, someone put it in Sitestuff*, we could have a special button to press so we could post "Oh hun, that awful! ".

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/02/2014 15:55

"Why should I become unoffended just because a load of strangers tell me to Molly?"

Because it would be a lot less stressful for you if you weren't holding onto this feeling of offense, JingleMyBells. I spent 2.5 years in group psychotherapy for depression, and one of the most important things I learned was that I cannot control what happens or what other people say or think, but I can and should control how I respond to it - for my own mental well-being.

Your response to this overheard comment is to feel offended - that is a negative emotion and will not do you any good - it is hurting you, and no-one else. So it would be far more beneficial for you if you took a few deep breaths and let go of your feeling of offense. You are the only person being burdened by it - so out the burden down. Surely you would feel better if you did so?

nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps · 21/02/2014 15:56

We visit a Neur-oncologist regularly. A standing joke between us and the receptionist is we are checking to see if DS brain is still where it should be. Personally I would have had a good snigger at the fit comment but then I have foot and mouth generally myself thankfully most people find my gaffs amusing. It was clearly not meant as an offensive term which is completely different imo.

What do you want to do make a formal complaint and have her disciplined?

Funnyfoot · 21/02/2014 15:58

Anyone put it in site stuff yet?

BeCool · 21/02/2014 15:59

MN doesn't do buttons

Morgause · 21/02/2014 16:01

Well I was offended and that is what matters

No. It doesn't. Really it just doesn't.

neverthebride · 21/02/2014 16:01

Absolutely ridiculous.

YABVVVVVU. And so, so unecessary.

Pumpkinpositive · 21/02/2014 16:01

My keychild had SLDs and would not have had the capacity to understand 90% of what she said, much less be offended.

Were you interpreting? Because if I was interpreting for a deaf person (or hearing but non English language using person) I would probably translate the expression "you'll be hearing from us" to "we will write to you soon." Which is what the expression invariably means in the circumstances.

SauvignonBlanche · 21/02/2014 16:03

I've kicked myself for saying "you see" to someone with a VI. I've apologised, but no one has taken offence at a slip of the tongue, certainly less found it to be "excruciatingly crass".

YouAreMyRain · 21/02/2014 16:04

saucyjack - ffs! Deaf people use the terms "hearing" and "talking" all the bloody time!! Here, have a grip.

SauvignonBlanche · 21/02/2014 16:05

Well maybe we deaf people should stop using such terms, in case people find it offensive? Hmm

CorusKate · 21/02/2014 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gordyslovesheep · 21/02/2014 16:08

I have IBS am I allowed to take offence at people 'shitting themselves' or having 'brown trousers' or 'squeaky bum moments' am I?????

seriously

shouldnthavesaid · 21/02/2014 16:09

OP I hope you're alright. It sounds like it wasn't a positive appointment all round :(

Joysmum · 21/02/2014 16:10

YABU for starting a thread an AIBU thread when that wasn't what you wanted to know at all.

I suspect you're just one of life's minority who like to be offended.

Pumpkinpositive · 21/02/2014 16:10

This thread is barking. No offence to canines.

Catrin · 21/02/2014 16:10

My dd is Deaf. People regularly, in life, on Tv, in books ask others who did not hear a comment - "Are you deaf? / Are you going deaf?"
I am not remotely offended. My child is not either. I have better things to be offended about.

bishbashboosh · 21/02/2014 16:12

It hi k you just have to get used to this sort of thing. My son has Tourette's and people use the jokes, I laugh along, because sometimes they're funny!

I've never even thought about that expression tbh

Original poster
JingleMyBells · 21/02/2014 16:13

I am upset at the suggestion from many posters that I am not "allowed" to feel this way. Please carry on without me as there is nothing more I can say.

OP posts:
Catrin · 21/02/2014 16:14

And re the pp who was offended by 'you'll be hearing from us soon' - not only was it NOT crass, if my dd grows up to be offended by such comments, she won't last long socially. You cannot teach kids to be put out by things like this.