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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for experiences and hand holding please?

92 replies

TerribleMother · 21/02/2014 09:22

My life this last week has been a bit of a disaster. I have another thread about a shitty family situation, there have been another few minor crap things happen, and today, having gone to my dr about what I thought was a cyst, have been told that on Monday morning (I'm overseas, it's night now, and my dr appt was at 17:00), my dr is phoning through an urgent referral for an immediate appt at the specialist breast clinic because I have a 'large irregular mass' and several enlarged lymph nodes on that side.

Has anyone else had this and it not been cancer. I need something to grasp because I feel like I'm unravelling. My youngest is just turned one. I have four children and no family other than my husband and kids here. I just want it to go away. I'm scared.

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BuntingintheSunshine · 25/02/2014 04:20

Oh goodness TM, so sorry to read this. What a shock for you... Do you have anyone in RL you can go to? I'm sure it's very little comfort to you, but at least you've not had to wait a long time to get seen. Do you have any idea of the next steps?

augenblick · 25/02/2014 04:20

Just wanted to say that you aren't alone, and thinking of you from the UK very much. More sensible people will be along soon, but and sorry for such shit news.

Original poster

TerribleMother · 25/02/2014 04:54

My husband is on his way home from work - a flight away. He had no option to go on Monday and wasn't due back till weekend but has been flown home early.

My friend came with me today and was wonderful. She stayed with me all day until it was school pick up. This is the first I've been 'alone' although have all my kids here. I'm pretty numb tbh.

I've to have a mastectomy and axillary clearance (lymph node removal I believe).

The surgeon has space on Monday 3rd so seems that's an option. They will tell me after surgery if I'm to have chemo and/or radiation but they've said it's almost definite I'll need chemo.

The only positive I can take from today is that it's me and not one of my children.

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londonrach · 25/02/2014 05:18

Sending you hugs and strength. My mum had breast cancer 6 years ago. In my work (nhs) i see people daily who had breast cancer x number of years ago. Please let people in the real world help you even if its just baby sitting, making a cake... Rest as much as you can and the support you get in hospital is amazing, please dont be afraid to ask for help. Xxxx

Original poster

TerribleMother · 25/02/2014 05:22

Thank you London. The consultant said he has treated people 40 yrs ago for breast cancer, who are still here today. I'm just so scared.

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londonrach · 25/02/2014 05:32

Of course you scared its that word cancer....its a shock. i cried uncontrollably for hours when mum found it. Husband hadnt a clue how to deal with me. He put mama mia on and we sang loudly out of tune and i wasnt the one with the cancer! But.....its not a death sentence.... Its cancer but its usually very treatable. There are support groups out there and you will be surprised how many people have had or know someone who has had breast cancer. Mum swims every week with such a group. I see patients on a daily basis who even had it return and now in the clear!!!!! I know one lady who had it 25 years ago. Shes very fit and very active with her grandchildren! Xxx

londonrach · 25/02/2014 05:36

Stock up on magazines and borrow friends as alot of waiting around. Mind you its one way of getting that book you always wanted to read read....

BuntingintheSunshine · 25/02/2014 05:36

TM, I'm so glad your DH is able to come home. As London said, let people help you, tell them how. I'm in Oz (is that where you are?), and while I have very few actual friends here, and no family apart from DH and DC, there are a number of people I would have no hesitation in pitching in and helping, if they needed help. Do you have any Mnetters nearby? I'm in Perth?

Original poster

TerribleMother · 25/02/2014 05:41

London, I'm so glad to hear your mum is doing well, success stories are always helpful.

Bunting, I'm in nsw. I don't honestly know if there are mn'ers nearby. I do have a couple of friends although no family other than dh and dcs too. It's hitting hard that they're far away. How the f** do you tell your sister who is your best friend on the phone that you have breast cancer??? I feel very sick, but I really want to be positive and upbeat.

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SomewhatSilly · 25/02/2014 05:56

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear this. Nothing useful to add but hugs aplenty, and another one thinking of you x

arabellarubberplant · 25/02/2014 06:08

Thinking of you in Canada xxx we had it the other way round - mum had to tell me on the phone. She's been 6 years clear now and sounds similar with lymph node involvement. Surgery and she had radio, not chemo.

Feel free to wibble and rant. This stuff is shit.

BuntingintheSunshine · 25/02/2014 06:08

There are some Sydney Mnetters I've seen cropping up, and probably quite a few who lurk..

Now that you unfortunately have a diagnosis, can you ask on the Tamoxigang thread whether people have experience of breaking such news to family and friends? If you lived at opposite ends of the UK rather than opposite ends if the world, you still would have to do most things by phone, so they must have come across it and might have some ways to make it slightly easier.

weebarra · 25/02/2014 07:35

I'm so sorry to hear your news, you must be feeling very numb. I'm not in oz but there were a few people I had to tell by phone. I "booked" a time to speak to them, which you prob do anyway so they weren't distracted.
The other thing I did, as I have a lot of friends in oz, was start a blog so that they all know what is going on without having to ask all the time.
I didn't say before but I am in a not dissimilar position to you - 36, 3 kids (6,3, 6 months). Dxed in oct (DD was 8 weeks & I was still bfing). Both breasts & lymphs, now halfway through chemo, double mastectomy in may. I am really thinking of you this morning.

balenciaga · 25/02/2014 16:57

oh I am sorry to hear that! stay positive though, looks like they are moving quickly to get you well again.

sending love, positive thoughts and strength x

Weathergames · 25/02/2014 17:01

So sorry to hear it's bad news.

Hope your husband gets home soon to give you a massive hug.

Sending positive thoughts xxxx

MrsSeanBean1 · 25/02/2014 17:06

I am so so sorry to hear your news. Cancer is just so shitty but you will get through this. When my sister was diagnosed at a very young age I can honestly say that the period before she started treatment was by far the worst emotionally and mentally to deal with. Everything is just so frightening and confusing. Once you start treatment you will have more of a focus and a way forward, you will feel calmer. No one wants to have to have cancer treatment but my sister found that it wasn't half as bad as she expected it to be. Fear of the unknown is always worse than the reality. Many people do get through surgery and chemo very well indeed and the support that you can get is amazing. Make sure you access it immediately, particularly emotional and mental health support. Thinking of you x

Nancy66 · 25/02/2014 17:07

Sorry to hear your news but sounds like your hospital are totally on the ball and moving things very quickly.

I have two very close friends who had breast cancer - both in 40s and both alive, well and totally in the clear. One had full mastectomy and reconstruction, the other had a quartectomy and no resconstruction needed.

It's at times like this the NHS really comes into its own and you will get the most amazing, top notch treatment.

Punkatheart · 25/02/2014 17:12

So sorry to hear this news.

It's a shame you are so far away - but let the Internet shrink the world for you and I send my support.

Nancy66 · 25/02/2014 17:14

Sorry, didn't see that you are overseas. Forget comments about NHS!

foofooyeah · 25/02/2014 17:25

Terrible .... This is probably the worst time, when you have just been diagnosed and thinking the worst. Once you have a treatment plan, and firm dates you just work through it.

I have been through chemo, and had a double mastectomy two weeks ago ..... You don't think you will cope but you just do. It's all very treatable.

RandomMess · 25/02/2014 17:39

So sorry to read about your news . Big hugs x

Original poster

TerribleMother · 25/02/2014 18:02

Thank you all again for your support. It's 04:50 here and I'm lying awake. I told my family last night. They were devastated but glad that I'd told them.

Weebarra, I'm 35, four ds's 10, 8, 2 and 1. I'm so sorry to hear we're in the same boat. My consultant has said I can't have chemo until they remove the tumours to see what they're dealing with. I don't understand how they decide how to deal with it. Has chemo made you sick? Have you lost your hair?

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Original poster

TerribleMother · 25/02/2014 18:04

Bunting, I'll be going over to the tamoxigang thread soon now, thank you.

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LadyRainicorn · 25/02/2014 18:19

I don't know if this will comfort you at all but. ..

my mother was diagnosed with much them same in 2012. She had a mastectomy, then lymph nodes removed, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy and she got through all of them treatment before the end of summer (diagnosed in Jan).

she is currently clear of cancer - I think she's in remission until a certain number of years go by. She's still easily tired but tbh she has other chronic conditions that contribute to this. It wasn't fun to go through (she lives with us and chemotherapy was there worst treatment to go through for her I think) but it all worked.

A few people were a bit funny about it, but nearly everyone who could were really willing to help. Don't worry about soldering on - and let your health care guysknow yyou're scared of hospitals there are things they can do to help.

Original poster

TerribleMother · 25/02/2014 18:20

Foofoo, I can only hope that I feel better once I have a firm plan on how to tackle this. I doubt I could feel worse. I'm sorry you are going through this too. I hope you are recovering from your mastectomy.

I'm sorry I haven't named everyone, I'm on my phone. But I've read and appreciated every message. Thank you all .

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