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Original poster

To come out in a cold sweat when I think of my children at secondary school?

71 replies

AwfulMaureen · 18/02/2014 21:00

Seriously...my older DD is the youngest in her class...the thought of her going to high school almost A YEAR younger than many of them just fills me with horror.

Sometimes I think "Meh...I coped" and then I think about how it was different back then. I had no social media to cope with...kids were FAR less sophisticated and knowledgeable.

DD is young...she's a bit gawky....she's sensitive...I can't stand it!

OP posts:
Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 18/02/2014 21:00

I also think it's unfair! Why should she go a year sooner than some?

OP posts:
YouPutYourRightArmIn · 18/02/2014 21:03

I do too - dd is only 2 so a while to go yet and dc2 is 17 weeks in utero but will be a late summer baby but will things get worse with schools and teenagers by then, waaaaaah

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 18/02/2014 21:04

Meh RIghtArm you've got PRIMARY to deal with....why would you even think of secondary!

OP posts:
cory · 18/02/2014 21:05

errr...she may end up having a really good time

both mine have been far happier in secondary than in primary school

(and dd is even happier in sixth form college)

ds seemed totally not ready for it when he went up- summer baby, very immature, sensitive, so shy as to be almost selectively mute

but he is thriving- a totally different person

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 18/02/2014 21:06

It all makes me want to run off to some FAR away place where the kids are all a bit country and naive,...or home educate even!

I didn't like secondary. It was a very unhappy time for me. I had the same fears about primary though...so it's silly to think DD will be the same as me eh?

OP posts:
Joules68 · 18/02/2014 21:06

My ds is aug 31 birthday and has quite honestly struggled. Everyone is now 16. And he's still a quite immature 15 year old

Joules68 · 18/02/2014 21:06

Sorry! Prob not what you want to hear

Littleturkish · 18/02/2014 21:07

I teach secondary and I can honestly say the majority of my students love school, their friends and their lessons. It isn't all doom and gloom. Yes, some people get a really hard time and that's terrible, but it isn't inevitable. And the summer born thing does become less of an issue the older they get. Trust me, by sixth form, won't even matter. No one goes out to work and struggles citing their birthday month as the reason!

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 18/02/2014 21:07

Cory DD was S.M as a small child and still sometimes goes far away and into herself in situations she's not comfy in...it's good to hear about your DS.

OP posts:
cory · 18/02/2014 21:07

and both my dc have had the same experience as I had: that as your peers get older they become more civilised

the only real bullying I had put up with was in primary school; by the time I got to secondary most children had at least learnt to control themselves physically; by the time I got to sixth form they had actually learnt to be civil

ThreeBeeOneGee · 18/02/2014 21:07

My older two are happier at secondary than they ever were at primary. DS2 is socially about two or three years behind and moving to secondary is the best thing that has happened to him.

There is a bigger pool of peers from which to find friends, so quirky children or those with niche interests are more likely to find others they have things in common with.

The work is more interesting and each subject is taught by a specialist.

There is more freedom to choose what you do in your free time.

winterlace · 18/02/2014 21:08

I hated secondary but I have a September birthday -
I don't think birthdays matter so much as they get older.

Not everyone there will be born in the autumn: there will be plenty of children born between April and July as well!

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 18/02/2014 21:08

turkish what do you mean "Yes some people get a really hard time"
Hmm why do they? Who does and why aren't the staff stopping it?

OP posts:
YouPutYourRightArmIn · 18/02/2014 21:08

Primary feels innocent and all about assemblies and playing and games and still wanting to cuddle mummy.

Secondary is about drugs and sodding around not realising you're wasting opportunities and being embarrassed and perpetually furious with mum.

BirdintheWings · 18/02/2014 21:09

Maureen, my (tiny, summer-born, naive, geeky) DS has loved his secondary school and is gutted to think of leaving it for sixth form college this year.

Mind you, he hated the last one he was at, so it took us two tries to get it right!

charlieandlola · 18/02/2014 21:11

My ds is the oldest in his year and I am having to do deep breathing to keep myself calm about him going up to Comp in September.....

cory · 18/02/2014 21:11

they grow up a lot, they really do

ds is now in Yr 9

when he started school he hid under the table when his teacher spoke to him

when he went up to secondary he was still a tiny little thing, shy, gentle, hardly spoke to strange adults

now he towers over me, speaks in a man's voice, sports some fluffy stuff that looks suspiciously like a beard, and is beginning to talk of careers

and has a girlfriend

though I've not been allowed to meet her yet Grin

cory · 18/02/2014 21:13

YouPutYourRightArmIn Tue 18-Feb-14 21:08:54

"Secondary is about drugs and sodding around not realising you're wasting opportunities and being embarrassed and perpetually furious with mum."

For both mine, secondary was where they really found out who they were, what they wanted out of life and how to find the kind of friends who were right for them.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 18/02/2014 21:13

Charlie well look back..a year ago...and re-imagine it!

Cory I can';t STAND IT. She's a baby still...really like a little girl at 9...next year won't be much better. She's small and young and very innocent. Sad Her friends are too really....so that's something.

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sadbodyblue · 18/02/2014 21:14

kids were far less sophisticated and knowledgeable

na don't agree I think my peers in the 80s were far more mature and street wise than my kids were at that age.

parents and teachers helicopter kids now, can you imagine we actually got ourselves across the city and to school on buses without talking to parents it texting friends every 2 seconds.

anyway my kids loved/love senior school. round here they go at 13 and it's great as it's a big pool of friends to choose from, lots of subjects and interests and they choose the subjects they like.

my grammar in the 80s was crap compared to my kids huge comp.

PandaG · 18/02/2014 21:14

DS is in Y9 and loves secondary. DD had a pretty foul time in Y5 and 6 due ot friendship issues, but is now very happily settled in Y7 in secondary and is having a ball. I was concerned, but she is so very well settled and so happy. :)

cory · 18/02/2014 21:16

but it's nothing something horrible that happens to them

growing up can be a very enjoyable thing

both dd and ds have loved discovering new interests and new friends

and if your dd ran into my ds he wouldn't be intimidating or unkind or anything; he'd do his best to put her at her ease

Weegiemum · 18/02/2014 21:17

In Scotland so starting dates are very different.

My dd1 is 14 and oldest in her s2 (year8) class.

Ds is 12, goes to high school in August.

Dd2 will go at 11y9m in 2015.

I'm a secondary teacher.

Still terrified!!!

sadbodyblue · 18/02/2014 21:19

YouPutYourRightArmIn

what are you in about? I have 4 kids 2 are now grown up and 2 teens. neither they or their friends did drugs or were remotely interested in them.
none if them wasted opportunities but embraced lots of new ones and so waking for mine we get along fine and as far as I know I didn't embarrass them.

was that you? Grin

ElaClaw · 18/02/2014 21:24

AwfulMaureen - my dd is in her first year of Secondary school. She was also SM through 2 years of Nursery and first half of first year of Primary. She LOVES secondary school. Towards the end of the last year of Primary she was itching to get there.

She is also very small for her age with louder confident friends - she found new friends in the new school, and really, honestly is thriving :)