To come out in a cold sweat when I think of my children at secondary school?

[AwfulMaureen]

Seriously...my older DD is the youngest in her class...the thought of her going to high school almost A YEAR younger than many of them just fills me with horror.

Sometimes I think "Meh...I coped" and then I think about how it was different back then. I had no social media to cope with...kids were FAR less sophisticated and knowledgeable.

DD is young...she's a bit gawky....she's sensitive...I can't stand it!

[LiegeAndLief]

I completely agree about not transferring your worries onto your kids. However, the summer baby thing is categorically not a myth. Studies have shown that statistically, you are more likely to achieve lower grades at GCSE the later on in the academic year you are born. This does not of course mean that all summer babies are doomed to failure, or that you can't get a string of As if you are born on 29th August. It is just about probabilities.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-22469216

[NCISaddict]

I remember being horrified when I dropped DS off at his first secondary school disco (organised by the Young Enterprise group) the girls looked so old! I thought they'd have my little boy for breakfast and I've got an older daughter. He was fine, didn't have a girl friend until he was 17 but neither did quite a few of his friends.

[Martorana]

My ds is 13 on Friday, and having a ball at secondary school. But he's still my baby and I have to stop myself swooping in and snatching him away from "those nasty rough boys" when I see him with his friends in town.

It's perfectly natural and normal to feel the way you do, OP. Just keep it to yourself- it is so easy to project your fears onto them. Make sure you give them time and space to talk about their concerns (not yours, theirs!). Apparently the single biggest worry year 6s have about going to secondary is getting lost!

Don't big it up too much, but don't do too much warning and preemptive stuff. Deal with any issues as they arise, rather than in advance, if you see what I mean. Just be calm and positive- it's just the next step along the road.

[mrsjay]

dd isnt that old for her age a lot of the 16 yr old girls in her year look like young women dd is still immature but tbh I don't mind i am quite happy for her to stay like that for a few years more

[Ilovegeorgeclooney]

Eldest Dd an August 29 b'day managed very well at secondary although found it hard when she was last at everything being 13/16/driving and most of all being 18! She had to come home alone on the bus the night they went out to celebrate A level results because she couldn't get in to the night club. Now a med student and still looks like a baby!
She was never old for her age and found a lovely group of similar friends who included a sept 1 birthday.

I teach in secondary and sophisticated Year 7's are rare ( for the first week!!!!!!).

[mrsjay]

you are right cory you are always bloody right it is very different in primary a small class a child can stick out like a sore thumb and not fit it, at high school they can just blend in, of course you get the different groups of children but mostly they all find a friend, DD has some special needs and I was honestly sweating at the thought of her in secondary she didnt cope very well in primary but she thrived and blossomed and got amazing sen support which then helped her to cope better in her classes

[cory]

Anyway, I think Grace does have a point about the importance of not projecting or allowing any negative vibes to seep through to your dd. You haven't seen the person she will be at 11; it would be a shame for that person (who may be lovely ) to be in any way hampered by your conception of what she is like now.

[cory]

We had the same experience as several other posters on this thread: that the secondary were much more clued up about issues of pastoral care, that they were quick and efficient at dealing with any issues of potential bullying and that they had better trained staff.

We also found, again like many others, that because secondary was a bigger environment it was easier for dc to find somebody who was just like them. In a small primary, if you're not exactly at the same level as everybody else, it can make you feel very different indeed. Ds who had been convinced he was dim because he couldn't do exactly the same things as the small handful of boys at his primary discovered new interests and talents, largely because individual subject teachers spotted his potential in their field. Everything was just more nuanced at secondary.

[honeybeeridiculous]

My DD left school when she was still 15, as she left in June and wasn't 16 until late July, a lot of her friends were almost 17. She had a gap year before she started uni and when she started was still the same age as her peers,having had a year off. She's now a medical professional.
Being one of the youngest in school never bothered her but I guess it depends on the individual

[mrsjay]

that is the thing they find their niche and can settle into school fine sometimes it takes them a while but imo that can happen whether they are the oldest or the youngest and our young starters are not the only ones there will be dozens of kids in the same situation

[mrsjay]

I did think about deferring dd2 as her sister was much older when she started primary she was 5 and a half almost but I am glad I didnt she had been fine,

[NCISaddict]

My DS was born in September, BUT he was moved up a year so was a whole year younger. He loved secondary school, had a group of good friends he is still friends with. He's now 20 and is happily wandering round Venice at uni there with nary a phone call from week to week. The only way I know he's still alive is when he logs onto FB.
I thought he was young and naive when he went to secondary, not into football etc but he found his niche within days. I think we sometimes project our fears onto our children, remember they're your fears/memories of school not theirs. Let them live their lives, not repeat yours.

[mrsjay]

my youngest dd was young when she went to school she is just turned 16 in scotland the youngest is a winter birthday some of her year will be 17 in march they do look like adults where as dd looks like a little girl well to me anyway, shje was just 11 when she went and i was eeek about it, but it is fine honestly dont worry and if they are a bit younger then they have a bit longer to worry about them maturing iyswim,
she will find friends like her and pootle along just fine with her friends, growing up doesnt mean they will be pissed every weekend and getting in with the wrong crowd the majority of kids and teens are quite happy not doing any of that dd1 is a grown up i never had a bit of bother with her , well except mood swings but that is normal

[DarlingGrace]

May is the summer term? It was last time I looked. Projection may be an over used word on these boards, but hand wringing about 'sensitivity' and 'youngest' really does your child no favours at all. Frankly, Awful my post was encouraging and designed to blow the 'summer baby myth' right out of the water. Regrettably if you are unable to comprehend the illustrative tool of a Summer compared to an Autumn baby, then that's not my fault.

[Jinty64]

Ds1 has an ADHD diagnosis and was emotionally and socially immature (2/3 years behind his peers) He was also young for year. He got on fine in primary but was the proverbial "square peg". I was panic stricken about him going to secondary. I needn't have worried. Secondary is full of similar kids and he has loads of friends.

Ds2 does not have a dx but is, without doubt, on the spectrum. He didn't speak to people he didn't know well until he was 6. He whispered his reading to the teacher, wouldnt read out loud in class and even now (at 16) is very shy and has difficulty conversing with adults. He has a lovely group of (like minded) friends.

I wish I had spent less time worrying when the were little and just enjoyed the moment. I'm not worried about ds3 (7), no, really I'm not! Well not much.

[saintlyjimjams]

Ds2 had a difficult time socially in years 5 & 6 (small school). He's small for his age & quite sensitive.

He's moved to a secondary with over 170 kids in his year group and loves it. Catches buses around the city to & from school, is far happier than he was at primary & doing well academically as well (his primary would prob be surprised by how well he's doing). He's had one issue so far (older child singling him out and destroying a possession). I reported to school at 9pm, reply came ten mins later & it was all sorted at registration the next morning. No problems since. Much better response than we had at primary where he ended up getting ill & not wanting to go in because of one child.

So really don't worry!

[AwfulMaureen]

Grace....your children were not summer babies....so how can you crow about their prowess when one was the oldest and the other in the middle?

[Groovee]

My ds goes to high school this year. He will 11y 10m where as his sister was 12y 7m as she was deferred. I keep worrying about how he will reach in home ec as he's tiny compared to the tables etc. The rest of it will be fine as on the visit day a number of teachers asked his name and asked if he was his sister's little brother, so I have confidence things will be fine that way.

But I still can't get over my baby going to high school.

[MyArseIsbiggerThanYours]

HA! Op I could have written your post a few months ago. I've calmed down a bit since then. When I went round to look at the secondary schools I realised how much they had to offer dd and I shifted from terrified to excited (and only a teeny bit terrified).

As someone else said primary school seems to have got smaller and smaller - not physically. She is in a small school and there is a limited pool of friends to choose from, she does have friends but I look forward to her having the opportunity to meet a whole bunch of other children and hopefully find some other like minded ones. Don't think for a minute that every child who starts at secondary is streetwise and sophisticated, there will be lots of young, naive children there, everyone will find their place.

The logistics of early mornings/homework/transport (my dd will probably have to travel a reasonable distance) seem a bit overwhelming now but soon they will be the norm to us and our dc.

[rainbowfeet]

My dd is young & quite naive for her age.. Much more than her classmates... She starts secondary school this year... I'm sure she'll love it & embrace it but I'm nervous for her.

[DarlingGrace]

So if she were born a few weeks later and was the oldest in the class, that would be ok, because there's a natural pecking order in life and she would miraculously not be sensitive?

Hand on heart, all of my children were far happier at secondary school than primary. It's a much bigger pond of people and you are more likely to meet people that you are in common with, rather than those selected by your parents to play/associate with. Secondary school is more like 'real life'.

FWIW this whole summer baby thing? I have a May baby and September baby - both were top set all the way; the May baby being a Grammar boy; funny enough that years intake to Grammar from primary were the May and June boys. I don't buy into this 'summer baby' is behind thing.

[TamerB]

I would have liked my son born 2 weeks later- he was quite happy where he was.

[TamerB]

She wouldn't want to be left behind. She has managed fine up to now with being the youngest. As someone said they are not all a year ahead, and it can be a huge disadvantage being the eldest. 1 in 12 will be the same age and 1in 4 will be born in the last quarter.
Look at the positives and they will too.

[Joysmum]

I know exactly how you feel. My DD would have been in the next year down if she'd been born 2 weeks later. She's also only child.

We are very lucky in that I though well ahead, decided what school I thought was best for her and bought a house there.

Tbh I think she'd have done ok anywhere. When I think back to the disadvantages of my own education, I took it for granted this was normal and just cracked on without excuses, I know she has the right attitude to try her best and keep her head down when needed.

Luckily we got her into our preferred choice and it's a very good school so she's not needed to keep her head down. It's up to us as parents and the junior schools to prepare the children for the step up. Having spoken to the mums I know of her old classmates, none of them feel they were better off at junior school and all were more than ready to progress up.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I don't agree that you should convince them that it will be exciting and they'll love it. They may never forgive you for lying to them if they hate it and never embrace secondary school.

I think by the time you are ready to make a choice and have visited some then it is the important part. Knowing you have chosen the one that best fits your child will give you confidence in the school.

I don't think you are being PFB at all, and are very wise for questioning and looking at alternatives. Too many people just opt into the system and then complain about the laws, policies and procedures. There are dozens of threads daily on here complaining about some aspect of school life.