To siphon off DH's money?

[lettucelamp]

DH gets paid cash and always has a lot of coins floating about (always pays with a note and just shoves change in his pocket). We've always had a small change jar, but I recently got one of those big money saving tins that you can't get into without a can opener. So I've started putting DH's £1's and £2's in there, along with some notes sometimes if I think he won't miss them with the intention of when it's full, it might pay for something nice for us; something to put towards a holiday maybe.

I haven't told DH I'm doing it, he knows I have the tin but thinks I just put the odd £1 in it, he hasn't noticed anything missing (he often gives me change for parking meter at work for example) and the reason I haven't told him is just because I want it to be a nice surprise for him. I'm not planning on running off with it.

Told my coworker yesterday though and she thinks it's stealing! That it's "his money" and I shouldn't take it.

So what do you think? AIBU? Should I tell him I'm doing it?

I think it's a great idea, might start doing it myself :)Never understood married couples with separate finances. In our house all money goes into one pot :)

I wouldn't call it stealing, I would call it tidying! You are just tidying the change which is cluttering up the surfaces :)

Lovely idea!

Keep going, you're not stealing it, you're moving it. Tidying it away if you like. If you were putting it in your purse and going down the pub YWBU.

If you have seperate finances then i agree you should tell him as its his earnt money. Even if joint finances, both parties should know about all the money and where its spent/saved etc.

Xpost boodles You got there first!

I do this, but with 50p's & under. DP had a wallet for cards & notes but coins just get left all over the table/side board. I did worry when DS was younger that he'd try & put them in his mouth!

I also empty all my change out & it goes into our "holiday spends" pot. We had £80 for 4 months worth of saving last time!

I do agree you should probably tell him just in case he thinks he's losing his marbles!

As long as you don't intend to deprive him of any of it YANBU, though if he asks about money gone missing I think you should be upfront and say where you have put it. Id carry on as you are, itll be a brilliant surprise later on when its full and I bet he'll be pleased you did it

I do, but on a bigger scale. I transfer little bits out the account regularly. If we'll get to the end of the month with leftover I save.

It's quite sensible and I have no intention of misuse. It's resulted in being able to meet tax bills, getting furniture treats, extending mat leave over the years.

Obviously after the first time I magically produced money to get us out a bind dh knows, but he doesn't know the amount aside. He saves, but spends, it's our cushion.

We just have "the money", not his and hers, just "the money". We have a joint business, and joint access to the money. We spend what we need to, and discuss how much spare money there is. If we have had a good month, we can buy more stuff, a bad month? Lentils and no wine!
And yes, I do round up spare change and stick it in a jar.
Really don't understand this seperate finances thing, " I buy this and he pays for that" and God help either of you if one spends more than their fair share. Not a good way to live, imho.

1. It's family money.
2. He knows you have a jar.
3. You haven't stolen it, you haven't even taken it out of the house. You've moved it form the side to the jar.

Really don't understand the "tax" comments, I was ( and still do some) an accountant, I paid some of the company's staff cash... it was taxed prior to being given!!
I always have put DH coins in pots, paid for Christmas last year... he never spends change and leaves it lying around, it's our money so not stealing.

I always take the money dh leaves lying around. But I also tell him not to leave it lying around or it will take it. I only take it if he has gone out again the next day leaving it behind because then it is clutter (for instance he leaves it on kitchen surfaces) and needs to be neatly tidied into my purse.

He did object to me give more than v small coins from it to dd because she just puts it in piggy bank and won't spend it!

YABU not to tell him that any loose change you or he leave around the house is going in a kitty. Why should it be YOUR decision alone what the money is spent on?
If you tell him that you are doing it then he can have input in to what it should be spent on.

I wouldn't do this. And having recently learned from a drunk and gleeful husband about how easy it is to extricate money from my unopenable Mulberry money box (palette knife, if anyone's interested), I can tell you that I was horrified. It's not the amounts, it's the principle.

MaidOfStars totally different and a bit

Oh we have completely joint finances if that makes any difference - we put what we are paid into separate accounts but then we put whatever is needed into joint account and top it up when needed. And when he wanted to me to pay money in the other day I just gave him my log in details and said help yourself (he won't actually remember them for another time as he can't remember numbers but I would trust him if he did!).

If an adult with no SN is unable to deal with the fiendishly difficult intricacies of using a wallet and leaves coins around to be lost behind the sofa, swallowed by toddlers or to bugger up the washing machine then it's reasonable to say that they shouldn't be trusted with cash at all.

What would he do with the loose change if you didn't tidy it up? Would he leave it until you were drowning in a pile of loose change or would he use it up or bank it?

If it's joint money that's going to be used for joint benefit, I don't see a problem and hopefully he might be pleased that you have saved up for a holiday, painlessly by the sounds of it.

If OP were my wife and it was my money I'd think it was a fine idea, and actually, prefer the surprise when it turns up.

Just asked dh what would he think if I had told him I had been doing the same.. his little eyes lit up, think he thought maybe I had been squirreling away some money

unfortunately I am the one who loses money. He said he has a rule that if he picks up the same pound coin a couple times he pockets it! shall I LTB?

MaidOfStars totally different and a bit...

Sorry, not following. Which bit is raising eyebrows?

We spend what we need to, and discuss how much spare money there is. If we have had a good month, we can buy more stuff, a bad month? Lentils and no wine!

We spend what we need to from joint money (no 'I've paid for this, you've paid for that' round these parts). Then we spend our own disposable income on whatever we see fit. Shoes, TVs, holidays, whatever. No discussion needed.

And would add that, as a vegetarian, lentils are always on the menu

I always steal any of his money that's left lying around.
He'd only lose it anyway.

Op is just keeping change you find while tidying up.. prying open someone's money box when they have put the money away and have already given it a home is another thing altogether

A few years ago I started taking an extra £20 a month out of our joint account in secret and put it in a safe place. At Christmas I had over £200 for extras. DH knew nothing about it and was really pleased I had done it. (£240 is A LOT of money to us). This is the same kind of thing. If he isn't missing the money, it's no problem. It's just an extra savings scheme. I wish we had loose change to add to the pot, but I have to spend the loose change most of the time on stuff we need...