Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To wonder how new mums ever find time to 'get jiggy' !! ????

26 replies

Hotmad · 17/02/2014 23:20

Seriously I'm 3 months in to motherhood and sex is the last thing on my mind, tiredness and lack of time and opportunity are the main factors. Also if you share your room at all times with baby, how did that work for you?
What is general time frame couples get back into swing of things? AIBU to not have found time for my Dp? He hasn't pushed me at all, but I don't want to deprive him either!!!

OP posts:

HadABadDay2014 · 17/02/2014 23:24

It helped DH worked shifts, so nap time was a good time to DTD.

gamerchick · 17/02/2014 23:24

having a baby is a bit like a bomb going off.. You can safely say that it can take a year to get back to some sort of normality.

There are other ways to keep the closeness with your partner. giving a quick knuckle shuffle and a cuddle is my own personal favorite to keep the connection and intimacy, but obviously there's no one size fits all... everybody has to find their own way.

Mogz · 17/02/2014 23:25

We're now 10 weeks in hot and have attempted it once, baby woke up screaming so that put an end to that. Most faaaar too knackered to even contemplate it. Making sure we have lots of hugs and kisses and keep talking to each other though so no one feels sidelined. Does make me wonder when we will ever get some adult time though, if you find the answer to it let me know!

CailinDana · 17/02/2014 23:26

You have provided your dp with a baby, you are not depriving him of anything.
Get back into it when you have time and you both want sex.

pixwix · 17/02/2014 23:29

After ds1, a traumatic delivery and stitches, it was about 6 weeks.

I hasten to add, this was experimental on my part to check things had healed prior to 6 week check, and to make sure things were in working order - after that things were less frequently than they had been - it interfered with sleep see?

The first time, I had a glass of wine and it was very gentle. It was fine.

Despite that, when ex-dh pulled his knob out, there was a dissolving stitch stuck on the end...

frogslegs35 · 17/02/2014 23:57

Embrace the quicky - I'm sure it was invented/founded exactly for this time.
Granted, it's not acceptable all of the time but I personally found them a good reliever when needs must.

I've found that my libido came back quite quickly after all 3 births I was itching to restart by around 3/4 weeks post birth (I had no probs though with no stitches etc) I found once I had scratched the itch I was satisfied for another few weeks iyswim. Normal sex life resumed probably somewhere near 6/7 months after.
Everyone is different though so don't feel like you should or that you have to. Do what feels natural to you.
When baby starts to have a better rountine and sleeps longer you can plan more - a few hours downstairs together while baby is in bed :)

SparklyPandora · 18/02/2014 00:04

Truly, it's probably something to do with how much you want/need it.
With my first DD I DTD on my second night home from the hospital (c-section) and with my second DD she had complications so stayed in and vividly remember having phone-DTD in my room (private room because DD was down in neonatal).
On both occasions normality was resumed quickly - but that was personal choice and preference. Sex was important to us.
I know others who didn't for years and we were as happy as they were.
Horses for courses......!! Don't worry!

MoominsYonisAreScary · 18/02/2014 00:08

I still havent gotten back into it this time and ds was one a couple of weeks ago. Didnt even attempt it until he was 5 months old

DarlingGrace · 18/02/2014 01:51

10 days, post csection

kaatieexox · 18/02/2014 02:20

Pixwix

Weegiemum · 18/02/2014 02:32

It must happen quickly for some, I've got 2 friends with less than 12 months between births!

I was 24 then 22 months - took me a bit longer to get into the wing of it. I think breastfeeding put me off, but I would never have chosen not to bf for that reason, and in fact my milk drying up was one of the first signs I was pg with dc3 (ds was gutted, poor boy!!).

georgesdino · 18/02/2014 07:46

I did it a couple of weeks after both times and it didnt hurt at all. I was on maternity so had plenty of time as waant doing anything else. We would be in living room with baby in bedroom.

PollyIndia · 18/02/2014 07:50

15 months for me, but I was single. However I have now met someone new, and isn't sex better after you have a baby?! Who knew!

jammiedonut · 18/02/2014 08:15

I found the first few months I was really interested in sex and intimacy with my partner so I found the time. Now not so much. A combination of exhaustion, lively baby who wants to play every waking second and pnd pretty much eliminated my sex drive, so now even though we get longer stretches alone with ds in his own room I'm just not interested.

Joysmum · 18/02/2014 08:24

If you want sex and don't find the time and energy when they are babies, just wait until they are older! When they are older they go toned later and know all about sex so I've actually found it more difficult then when my DD was a baby.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 18/02/2014 08:24

3 months is no time at all! Don't worry, wait until you are ready.

KenyanSunrise · 18/02/2014 08:33

We Waited till after the 6 week check up, made sure everything was fine, had a glass of wine to calm my nerves lol and just went slow. My normal drive wasnt back for almost a year though, we still had sex just not as often as before.
Oh and we made good use of the shower and the sofa when DS was asleep :)
Dont feel pressurised though as you'll just end up feeling resentful. Good luck and enjoy!

cogitosum · 18/02/2014 08:48

We've managed 3.5 first when ds was 8 weeks. He's now 6 months. He's not the best sleeper and tbh if we're in bed and he's asleep I'd rather sleep. I've heard breastfeeding can affect libido so I'm hoping it won't be forever as sex was important to us. But I'm hoping to bf for quite a bit longer.

TwittyMcTwitterson · 18/02/2014 08:54

I think you just have to be quick haha! I was terrified we'd have an awkward pause while sorting DD out but so far so good. I got really fat and had horrible low self esteem so wanted to use sex to get it back. Possibly wrong. Anyway I had emcs and just waited til the bleeding stopped (sorry if tmi) and took it slowly. We also used condoms til 6 weeks as I was so terrified of infecting any wounds ie where placenta was attached and where they cut. It's what you're comfortable with. I certainly was in too much pain for 2 days after as PP said but horses for courses.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 18/02/2014 09:57

I think it was about 12 weeks with ds1, 2weeks with ds2 and I was pg again around 8 weeks after ds 3 was born.

Its just this last time ive had no interest, I do wonder if it was the bf in the begining, 5 months is a long time!

mycatlikestwiglets · 18/02/2014 10:55

YAnBU. DD is 3.5mo and I have neither the energy nor the interest! Hopefully that will change when her sleep improves because ATM I'm far more interested in sleeping!

LittleBabySqueakSqueak · 18/02/2014 11:15

We've done it 3 times in 6 months! By bedtime I'm knackered, and DD doesn't reliably nap in the daytime, so we've seized opportunities where they've arisen, but it's not a priority for me at the moment. DH is being very patient.

tiredbutstillsmiling · 18/02/2014 12:04

I was actually talking to a friend about this recently, saying one thing I miss about pre-DC life is spontaneous sex. Now it's a case of DTD at 7.30pm once DD is in bed and before I fall asleep! :-D

We first DTD when DD was 4 months old, before that I just didn't feel like it. DH was very accommodating - especially as we have up penetrative sex when I was 5 months pg as I got too uncomfortable! Our first time after DD was when MIL offered to babysit DD for a few hours one afternoon to give us some time to "sleep". I always wondered whether DH had had a quiet word with her!!

fluffyraggies · 18/02/2014 13:20

DD is 3 weeks old, we resumed sex 2 weeks after birth. i have no tears or stitches - this makes a BIG difference. I have been lucky enough to have bled very lightly post birth, too.

No swinging from the chandeliers or anything, just going gently (and quietly) with DD fast asleep in mosses basket nearby.

DH didnt pester for it - i initiated the first time. Doesnt hurt, and it makes me feel a bit more like the old me again. (after pregnancy and birth)

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 18/02/2014 13:23

Try and maintain intimacy without the pressure for sex and you'll realise you can make time for sex in the most unlikely parts of the day.

For now just keep the affection going

Flip

1 2