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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu please be honest

14 replies

mummywithsmiles · 17/02/2014 20:39

So as previous threads state my did is in neonatal, was extremely I'll at birth during pregnancy as given a 15 percent chance to live.
My best friend of 18 yrs during my pregnancy barely rang but if I bumped in to her or popped in was always so like oh i will be there no matter what,getting excited etc
OK so fast forward daughter was born she didn't message me ring etc and wouldn't even had known if my dd had survived until she was 4 weeks old when I bumped in go her..she told me to come in to hers and have a tea.
Again was like can't wait to see her etc anyway this is how it has been, she never came to see her.
Saw her Friday and she said oh ring me Sunday and I will come hospital with you too see her...rang her to say I was leaving to the hospital and she says she will meet me downstairs at 3.30 as she was out when I rang.
I left dd at 3.30 to go downstairs and wait for her, I rang her twice she didn't answer and so I text asking if your not coming can you let me know as I'm waiting downstairs ...I'm still on Monday night still waiting for any sort of response ...would you cut her out.

OP posts:

LunchLadyWannabe · 17/02/2014 20:41

Dump her

Shes a shit friend

DameFanny · 17/02/2014 20:42

Yep, quit now - you've got way more important things to spend your time on. I hope dd pulls through

greengoblinofgoo · 17/02/2014 20:43

She sounds shit but if she's been your best friend for so long is there something else going on that you don't know about? Maybe she doesn't want to worry you with it? That's me being 'understanding' but she does sound shit.

PandaFeet · 17/02/2014 20:43

Yes. I would.

Your DD being in neonatal is a huge huge thing and any friend would be there for someone going through that.

For whatever reason she isn't a friend to you right now. You need to focus on yourself and your dd right now. Not her.

cupoftchai · 17/02/2014 20:43

Congratulations on your lovely dd. to hell with your friend, focus on people who love u and can support u at this time. Maybe your friend has some good excuse for acting like a complete tosser, maybe she doesn't. But I wouldn't give her any more head space just now.
How is your little one?

scarffiend · 17/02/2014 20:45

Cut her off - she doesn't care enough about you to try and comfort you at a stressful time, let alone show an interest in your daughter. Says it all I'm afraid.

JuniperHeartwand · 17/02/2014 20:47

Yes. Cut her out, don't feel guilty, no one will think any less of you! YANBU. Look after yourself, surround yourself with those who matter and support you.

Original poster

mummywithsmiles · 17/02/2014 20:47

Yh thats I thought :) its just I remember going to her when daughter was diagnosed in bits ..but my sister did warn me she's always been self absorbed.
My partner walked out a month ago and I just really needed her and some support. I suppose a text if she couldn't make it would have been the decent thing only takes 2 secs.
Daughter is good :) had a set back at beginning of week but she has moved forward again. Super proud.

OP posts:

ILiveOnABuildsite · 17/02/2014 20:50

I didn't want to read and run although I am probably not the best to give advice as I have no experience of the situation you are in. However, I would think that you have enough on your plate right now with your dd being so ill to worry about someone who clearly can't follow through when they promise to be there for you. You need to surround yourself with people you can trust implicitly to be there for you so you have the energy and strength to be there for your dd.

I would say ignore her and don't waste energy engaging her right now and deal with wether or not you want to continue on with this friendship at a later time when you don't have so much important things preoccupying you. For what it's worth I think she is being at best incensitive and at worst downright cruel to promise you support and then not deliver, and I wouldn't bother with her. I think you are being amazingly strong and you are doing the best for your dd I hope you have other friends and family who are there for you (sorry have not read your other threads so don't really know backstory).

Original poster

mummywithsmiles · 17/02/2014 21:32

Thank you I live..I'm not going to waste my time with her just wanted to know if eventually she did turn up too see daughter I wasn't being harsh in being like ERM no .
I'm doing my best its tiring but I'm so lucky to have my daughter and worship every minute.

OP posts:

ballstoit · 17/02/2014 22:04

When DB & SILs DTs were born at 30 weeks and spent months in neonatal, I was stunned at how little support they got from some very close friends and SILs family.

I think there's a lack of knowledge about how poorly these babies are...there definitely was on my part prior to dtns arrival. I remember one of them having a good few days, and saying to dB how relieved he must feel. He asked me how relieved I'd be if one of my DC was in intensive care...I really hadn't considered it in that way.

So, lots of waffle, but I think I'm saying don't write her off. Don't chase her or be the first to make a move, but leave the door open if you can bear to.

Positive thoughts to you and dd x

AnyFucker · 17/02/2014 22:07

just ignore her from now on, you don't need this shit

if she texts again asking to visit, tell her you will meet her on the unit

she won't come, her problem

Pigletin · 17/02/2014 22:22

wow what a rude cow. If I were you I would not respond to any of her texts or calls anymore. Regardless of what is going on in her life (if anything) to leave you waiting outside for her without even bothering to respond is beyond rude. Drop her, focus on your new baby and the people who matter.

Arseface · 18/02/2014 00:15

Some people are freakishly bad at this stuff. When our DTs were in Nicu it was amazing how few people got it. Focus on your lovely little daughter and the people who are able to support you right now.
If she's a good friend in other respects then give her a pass on this. She might be amazing when DD is a troubled teen.
On the other hand, if you think your sister has a point, don't waste another moment on her.
Hope you're able to bring your beautiful DD home very soon.

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