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AIBU?

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Original poster

To fly off the handle when workmates constantly comment on my small figure

62 replies

Mousieme · 17/02/2014 08:48

I'm so sick and tired of daily comments on my weight. I'm 52kg 5 foot 4 and have been this size since I can remember. My high metabolism makes it really hard to put on weight which is a problem if I'm unwell, nothing to fall back on. I'm constantly under scrutiny and having to explain to work mates after comments like "don't you eat"? "I'd give anything to be your size". Etc. Half of them I don't even know. I'd never dream of commenting on someone's weight. Feel like telling them to zip it and mind their own bloody business!

OP posts:
FranSanDisco · 17/02/2014 08:57

I used to have this said to me. I was about your height and weight (53kg/5' 5'') and had a healthy diet imo. One guy even asked if I was anorexic but he was a complete knob end Grin. In my late 30s my metabolism changed and I put on weight. I was happy with my weight so just ignored comments that were negative. Take the positives and ignore the negatives.

The focus on your weight is their issues with themselves and not with you. If I was asked by Knob End what I had eaten for lunch I would say a bowl of steam and his brain would chug for a bit until the penny dropped.

ElenorRigby · 17/02/2014 08:59

They are embarrassed by their weight I guess and are trying to get you in line. Ignore, no point stressing over idiots.

Wellthen · 17/02/2014 09:00

I think some people almost think its a compliment. I get this sometimes and want to scream 'can you hear yourself? You're saying I'm unhealthy or neurotic. That I don't enjoy food like a 'normal' person and I must be constantly dieting!'

Don't get me started on 'real women' comments!

Why do women do this to each other and ourselves? Its no problem to look at someone and think she looks nice or she doesn't look nice, but why do we have to voice it and why do we have to connect it to flaws in their personality?

OP I usually respond with 'I'm in my mid 20s. I have always been thin. My mother is thin. These are all reasons I'm 'that size'. Does that explain it for you?' and when they respond with 'It was a compliment' I explain clearly why 'don't you eat?' sounds like they are saying I'm ill in some way.

lljkk · 17/02/2014 09:10

It's just chitchat & small envy, they seriously want to know your secrets.

I do get how it's tiresome.

Preciousbane · 17/02/2014 09:14

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pussycatdoll · 17/02/2014 09:15

I've lost a lot of weight in the last year
I've been pretty shocked & tbh embarrassed by the amount of comments I've got
Like what's your secret - I just say cutting out the crap & smaller portions
On friend said 'your portions must have been massive before' Shock
people have said don't lose any more , don't go too far etc etc
My sister asked me why I was ordering salad in a restaurant Hmm
I've been pretty astounded at the audacity of some of the comments

defineme · 17/02/2014 09:19

I think people are awful to thin people-and I have never been thin!
My lovely beautiful friend is naturally super slim and other friends have called her all sorts of stuff -why on earth is it ok to comment on her thin legs when they wouldn't comment on my fat ankles.
I've also noticed that it's not ok if slim women complain about putting on a bit of weight, but if your clothes don't fit it still feels crap even if they're a size 8.
I second the cream cakes suggestion-though then they'll probably say you're bulimic!

AngelsWithSilverWings · 17/02/2014 09:21

I'm always amazed at how people think it's ok to comment on other people's body shapes.

I have a very large chest and it's always commented on. It has made me cry before. I'm ok with them but I've had people suggest I have surgery! How rude is that?

I am 5"4 and when I was in my early twenties was 8 stone 7 ( even with my big boobs!) I ate and ate, never ever went to the gym and yet I never put on weight. My brother used to tease me and accuse me of being anorexic. Now in my 40s I have to eat healthily and run three times a week to maintain 10 stone ( which I'm happy with)

I wonder how many of the people commenting on your shape have a healthy BMI.

MadIsTheNewNormal · 17/02/2014 09:26

Mousieme do you eat a 'normal' amount of food at 'normal' intervals though? Because we fatties are constantly being told that slow metabolism has nothing to do with it, and we are just eating way too much and not burning it off. Ok so if we are eating four s;ices of toast for breakfast, a packet of biscuits for snack, fish and chips for lunch and a pizza for dinner I totally get that. But what about if we don't do that?

So when we see someone thin who insists that they eat whatever and whenever they want, enjoy treats, and that their appetite is 'normal' we are utterly bewildered by it.

ArtexMonkey · 17/02/2014 09:29

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ArtexMonkey · 17/02/2014 09:29

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BalloonSlayer · 17/02/2014 09:30

I have been your size and it's lovely to be nice and slim but it's not THAT tiny . . . not sure about your "nothing to fall back on" comment, sounds like you are trying to make yourself sound frail and unwell and resent people saying "lucky you" when you think they should say "poor you" or something.

ArtexMonkey · 17/02/2014 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 17/02/2014 09:36

My DSis has this, even in hospital having had her DS1! The MWs were following her to the toilet because they couldn't believe someone could be that small, eat as much as she did and not be throwing up! People make judgments, they always will ! I am judged to be a lazy over eater, when in fact I am a student nurse, so far from lazy, love healthy food more than junk!

mrsminiverscharlady · 17/02/2014 09:45

YANBU. If I have a small lunch my colleagues ask why I'm dieting but if I eat a big piece of cake they say, oh you're so lucky to be able to eat what you like. I can't win!

MauriceMinor · 17/02/2014 10:02

So you're 5'4 and about 8 stone? Doesn't sound particularly skinny to me. Sounds nice. Why are you making a big deal about it? Confused

NewtRipley · 17/02/2014 10:08

What is that in stones? Totally agree with others here

YANBU

I am fairly slim now, and used to be v slim before I had children. It's just rude for people to comment negatively about weight, and boring to have passive-aggressive comments being made.

BalloonSlayer · 17/02/2014 10:10

50 kilos is 8 stone, NewtRipley, so 52 is about 8st 4lb.

NewtRipley · 17/02/2014 10:12

Thanks Balloon

Too lazy to google Blush

Maurice

That's the point, in a way. It's not excessively thin, and she's not the one making the big deal about it - other people project their own insecurities on people and imply they have an eating disorder

MauriceMinor · 17/02/2014 10:26

Yes Newt, I know exactly why people do it. But to say you are "sick and tired" of it is a bit precious. Just be flattered fgs. They are jealous.

NewtRipley · 17/02/2014 10:28

Maurice

I take your point. I think a lot of annoyances with other people can be shrugged off by realising it's about them not about us

BranchingOut · 17/02/2014 10:34

Ah, I used to have people commenting on how slim I was. I remember the days....

It doesn't happen so much these days! Hmm

saulaboutme · 17/02/2014 10:58

Yanbu, I've always been slim even after dcs. I could reel off comments I've had over the years but I try and take it as a compliment.

People think because you are slim it's ok to comment on your size because you MUST be happy, how could you not be?

Try not to get upset or feel picked on. You don't have to give a reason why you're slim, you just are!! It's rude but they notice you which they can't help.

People at work used to comment all the time but I'd just say yep well my mums slim, granny was etc.

RedToothBrush · 17/02/2014 10:59

Do it! Tell them to zip it and mind their own business!

If you don't challenge them they will continue to do it. Its rude and its upsetting you.

You aren't even that small.

BlueDesmarais · 17/02/2014 11:06

I'm 5 foot 3 and a size 8, always have been. Then for no apparent reason I started to lose weight rapidly. I ate more and more to try and stave it off, but my hips began to jut out and I couldn't sleep, I was always shivering and cold, my face went gaunt, and I weighed in at 7 stone, which I haven't been since childhood. I could just about keep my weight up at 7.5-8stone if I ate a 4 pack of scones a day, plus 2-3 bowls of cereal.

I went to the doctors and they couldn't care less. "Why are you complaining?" she said. She asked what I ate - 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast, plus toast, then a small meal at 10am, lunch at 12 with extra sandwiches, small meal at 3-4pm, large dinner, plus the scones and snacking, focusing on taking in more protein and fats to try and hold weight on - and she replied "Well, that's not much, is it?" They ran some blood tests, they came back negative and she said I was lucky and to go and enjoy it.

I got pregnant with my daughter then, but she's 15 months now and the weight's dropping off again. I was 9 and a half stone and felt content (my ideal weight), but then it became 9. I started eating more, but within three weeks I was 8 stone 3. I increased my intake (protein, wholegrain carbs, fat) and my portions again, but I lost 2 more pounds last week alone.

But because I'm thin and thin is good, I can't get medical help for it. I'm due to have my weight reviewed next month but I'm not hopeful they'll care and I'll just be told how 'lucky' I am to be weak, shivering, grey and emaciated.