To fly off the handle when workmates constantly comment on my small figure

[Mousieme]

I'm so sick and tired of daily comments on my weight. I'm 52kg 5 foot 4 and have been this size since I can remember. My high metabolism makes it really hard to put on weight which is a problem if I'm unwell, nothing to fall back on. I'm constantly under scrutiny and having to explain to work mates after comments like "don't you eat"? "I'd give anything to be your size". Etc. Half of them I don't even know. I'd never dream of commenting on someone's weight. Feel like telling them to zip it and mind their own bloody business!

I am not sure they are saying anything nasty, I also used to be this size in my twenties and mainly I got nice remarks about my lovely slim figure and guys commented positively on it. I think their remarks are far more likely to be because being fat is judged so negatively they are making excuses for themselves.

Saying 'I'd give anything to be your size' is hardly an insult.

I also question your view of yourself as fragile, I never saw myself as unhealthy at that weight, as I was a naturally small build.

If it really bothers you, you could say something but I am not really seeing this as terrible behaviour to be honest and I wonder if you could reframe it as the jealousy that it really is rather than as critical of you.

i'm sure no one would dream of saying 'wow you're a right fat jabba aren't you love?'

Hah, I wish. How about comments in the street, yobs yelling 'go on a diet!' etc, etc. Women in shops looking you up and down and saying 'we don't have anything in your size'.

And Desmarais, that sounds awful for you - thyroid issues? So stupid that they won't take it seriously.

I totally get this - the amount of rude comments I've had disguised as concern or compliments have been overwhelming. I even had someone imply that I needed to gain weight in order to have "decent boobs" errr thanks for that. I literally could not imagine what the equivalent would be...

It's a massive double standard. I'm slim –although I wouldn't say tiny-framed or skinny – and have frequently had people call me things like 'skinny bitch' and they genuinely think it's a compliment

People feel that they can comment on my appearance and what I eat or don't eat ('No wonder you're the size you are' if they happen to see me eating an apple, etc). I wouldn't DREAM of saying to a fat person 'You're so fat, you bitch' or 'No wonder you're the size you are' if they were eating a chocolate bar. Can you imagine the furore if I did?

Statistics show that most people in the UK are overweight, therefore if you are not, you are in the minority.

With the constant availability of food and portion sizes that are mostly too large it is difficult to stay the right weight.

So the overweight majority are often jealous of the healthy weight people and 'can't see how they do it'. However in a lot of cases people that are overweight are eating too large portions and not stopping eating when they are full. Lots of snacking is also a factor.

But it is really hard to get this message across. It seems that people would rather believe that they 'have a slow metabolism' or have been dealt the shitty end of the stick in the weight card of life, than actually eat a bit less most of the time.

I am currently a few pounds too heavy so am watching my portion sizes and trying to eat 'better'. I got bitched at last week for only taking half a slice of cake at work and 'leaving a scrappy pointless bit on the plate' - the portions were massive and I would have felt sick if I had eaten it all.

As long as there are no medical reasons for you being small (overactive thyroid, diabetes) I would just pity ignore them.

Why is it that people can have high metabolisms and be naturally thin but everyone poo poos the idea that you can have a slow metabolism and be naturally fat? Either they're both true or neither are true.

I think how slim the op looks depends on body shape for those who dont think 8st4 is that thin. Someone who is curvy and 8st4 will look different to someone who is more sporty shaped, as will someone who is pear shaped.

Anyway I do think its rude to comment on anyones body unless they are a loved one and you have genuine concerns. Whether its out of jealousy or a weird compulsion to insult someone, it is unnecessary uninvited and unwelcome.

Yabu. Chill out. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

'Who cares what anyone else thinks?'

It's more about caring what people SAY, and the particular double standard that seems to apply to people who are thin.

It sounds as though the OP gets comments pretty much every day about her physical appearance and that is incredibly wearing, not to mention unspeakably rude. If she was fat, or for that matter had a birthmark or one leg longer than the other, and posted about it, people on here would no doubt think it outrageous; which it is. But it is JUST as outrageous to make personal comments about someone being thin, and to speculate on what/how much/whether they eat.

I'm very sorry about your daughter, MrsDeVere. And I'm SHOCKED to bits at 'don't worry mum. Any weight she puts on with the steroids will come off after.'!

I also hate the babyish 'Oooh, how naughty' shite around food. It's so entrenched; so much 'treat' food is advertised as 'naughty'. But only to women, of course: food marketed for men is generally presented as something to eat when you're having a laugh with your mates and maybe pulling . And with no suggestion of naughtiness or guilt at all.

Maybe it's unfair of me to get the rage with women when they spout the 'Oooh, I am naughty' stuff, because it's so efficiently drilled into us. It's definitely a social problem.

my mother taught me that making personal remarks if any kind was rude and bad mannered.

I try to stick to that. very rude op and yanbu.

MrsDV thats truely awful.

One of my dds is very thin. She eats properly, does sports, a run of the mill kid but already the comments are starting about her being thin, does she eat, is she ill. I also find that its almost exclusively aimed at women and girls, this body commentary.

I'd see 'don't you eat?' as being extremely rude whereas 'I'd give anything to be your size' is a compliment and wouldn't offend me in the slightest.

But yes, it is rude to give random comments on someone's appearance.

squoosh, I agree that 'I'd give anything to be your size' isn't offensive, but it's still a personal comment and one which I, for one, never know how to respond to. Saying 'Oh, you're great as you are' seems utterly patronising and sometimes would be a lie, but opting for a non-committal murmur and/or just a smile might come across as smug.

I think good manners are about making other people feel at ease, and it doesn't put people at ease to make a comment that might be hard to respond to appropriately. Therefore I still think personal comments like 'Oh, I wish I was as slim as you' are best avoided.

Very sad post Mrs DV

I am a slim person, not skinny. A couple of years ago my foal had a few problems over xmas which (long story short) meant miles of inhand walking with her over the xmas break. It was a v stressful time.

Anyhow, back to work, colleague asks 'how was your xmas'. 'Lovely, thanks' I reply, as you do (& it was in many ways, children lovely, family fine etc). 'So why are you so thin then?' she shot back immediately, with real venom.

I was silenced - what can you say? Sorry for being thin? How dare I lose weight with worry/walking for miles? I don't feel I should have to share every detail of my home life with someone to justify a bit of weightloss. I wasn't even that skinny, just a touch more slender than normal.

And I do not believe any colleague would ever snap 'so why re you so fat then?' at me on my return from holiday. It just would not be done.

Yes you're right FuckingWankwings, I tend not to comment on anyone's appearance unless it's a 'you look fantastic' which no one can really object to. Although lots of people then do that awful 'oh no, my skin is awful and my hair is so frizzy' compliment repeller thing.

I once got in trouble with a friend as I hadn't congratulated her on her weight loss. I'd noticed I'd just kept a polite silence, as I get embarrassed when people comment on my weight loss. She was most miffed!

at 'compliment repeller thing.' I think a lot of people have one of those. I try to take compliments nicely these days, but it's really hard. Another example of how women are conditioned to do themselvesdown, I suspect.

ithaka, that's outrageous. You're right; can you imagine a colleague saying 'You've obviously had a good time on the Christmas food' if you came back from holiday fatter than when you went off?

YANBU it is rude to comment on people's appearance unless it is a genuine complement. No one would ever say to a larger person eating cake 'no wonder your're so fat' but if a skinny person refuses cake you get 'oh that's why you're so skinny'- eh no I just don't fancy cake! We all come in different shapes and sizes and very few of us are totally happy with how we look be that fat or thin.

I can remember I was 8st 5ft 4" in good shape, exercise 4-5 times a week but got told I was fat :( I have big boobs so I assume he only saw those - twat!

I've been at both ends of the scale, from anorexic to obese and anywhere in between, several times. I can honestly say that when I was your size, was the best time ever in terms of society and social life. The judgement received when obese is 100 times worse than anything you get when small. The way people treat you is massively different, though you wouldn't know if you haven't experienced the whole scale. I get that it upsets you, but you really got the best option - everyone have an opinion on everyones weight, and you will know anyway.

you really got the best option - everyone have an opinion on everyones weight, and you will know anyway.

I don't buy that at all. There is no 'best option' when it comes to fielding comments about weight or any other aspect of your appearance.

People may well have an opinion on other people's weight, but IME they voice those opinions far more freely and bluntly to thin people than fat ones. And anyway, the decent thing is to keep your opinions to yourself!