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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want some ownership of this property?

95 replies

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 15/02/2014 10:03

MIL has 'kindly' allowed us to live in her house, which is unmortgaged, rent free.

I say 'kindly' as it's a shell of a house that had needed completely gutting and renovating to make it habitable including expensive jobs such as replacing the bathroom, floors throughout, installing central heating and replacing the whole fence for the large back garden with no financial help from MIL.

I've broached the subject with DH that as we've spent a not insignificant amount of money on the house that we approach his mum with the view to buying it off her. He's not adverse to the idea but feels his mum will be very against it.

I'm petrified that now the house is in a very good condition she's quids in and could well sell it from under us.

We have no tenancy agreement in place either.

What would, in your mind, be a good solution here?

OP posts:

fifi669 · 15/02/2014 10:36

You may not be wasting money, but by the same token you can't afford to live elsewhere if you haven't saved anything.

Is your MIL old?

wowfudge · 15/02/2014 10:36

Sounds like the arrangement to date has been quid pro quo - her house has been refurb'd and you've saved on the rent. Just ask about putting things on a documented footing so you both know where you stand. If she doesn't want to do that you could look into buying the place and ask about that. If your MIL doesn't want to do that either then look at moving somewhere else.

TidyDancer · 15/02/2014 10:36

You should really have been saving alongside making the renovations. But I agree with the majority anyway - you have had a cheap deal the past three years, and surely if DH has no siblings he would be inheriting the house at some point anyway? If MIL sells the house in the meantime, you've still had three years of cheap rent. I do understand the security aspect though, so perhaps formalising the tenancy with MIL would be a good idea.

AwfulMaureen · 15/02/2014 10:37

You need to talk to MIL WITH dh not alone. You should tell DH that you want to buy a house now...and that you want to discuss it with mil...you and him together.

NMFP · 15/02/2014 10:39

Normal, I can understand why you have not had the spare money to save. I imagine you have had a lot of expenses that you haven't included in the 10k.

And, frankly, why shouldn't you enjoy some of the benefit of having no rent to pay?

SybilRamkin · 15/02/2014 10:39

YABVVU - your MIL is doing you a huge favour, £10k over 3 years is super cheap rent. And of course she should be allowed to sell it any time she wants, it's her house! If you've added £10k to the value of the property then think of that as rent (at a very reduced rate!) for the time you've spent in the house.

I don't think you should raise this with your MIL unless you're willing to pay market value for the house.

mummymeister · 15/02/2014 10:39

agree with pigletin. you have actually done really well out of this. it doesn't feel like it because your biggest issue is security and you don't feel secure which I can understand. I think you and DP need to sit down and take a hard look at your finances first. you might be being a bit optimistic about what you can afford to take on. have a look at prices in your area and speak to someone financial to see what size mortgage etc you can get. all this will focus both your minds and DP will then probably off of his own back talk to his mum. don't mess up a good relationship with her because of your insecurities.

Peekingduck · 15/02/2014 10:40

We've cross posted.
I have rented properties. It is normal for tenants to buy their own white goods. My properties are rented out with no furnishings apart from curtains and a cooker.
If you would prefer not to pay for on-going maintenance then maybe the conversation with MIL should be about putting this on to a proper footing from this point on. With a tenancy agreement and paying the full market rent (so that she can afford to pay for maintenance herself). But I think at this point, whatever you've spent out, it seems you've had a pretty good deal and should consider it's been equal benefit to yourselves and MIL.
Your need for car repairs and childcare costs are irrelevant. You would have those expenses wherever you live.

Pigletin · 15/02/2014 10:40

I also agree with other posters to be careful with your attitude with her. You do appear to think that you have done your MIL a favour by renovating the house while in fact it is the other way around. She has been more than kind letting you live there for free. When you do speak to her (WITH your husband) please make sure you don't sound as entitled as you have appeared on this thread.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/02/2014 10:41

What's your secret to doing a house up so cheaply? We've spent 6k on heating alone and are saving like mad for a new kitchen

harticus · 15/02/2014 10:45

Why don't you all just sit down like adults and have a conversation together instead of trying to second guess what is going on or what might happen?

Oldraver · 15/02/2014 10:45

It sounds like at least your DH realises just what a good deal he is getting and isnt willing to upset the apple cart... Many people cant afford to run two cars what with having to pay rent and all.

You could ask MIL what her plans are if any, personally I would be happy to live there without any 'security' for such a good deal. I would be saving the money I am not spending on rent though. If you went to get a mortgage they would be expecting you to show you could save and manage to pay a mortgage...they would take a dim view of you not saving the amount of money not being spent iyswim ?

LordEmsworth · 15/02/2014 10:46

I think you have some very valid concerns, but maybe haven't expressed them very well in your OP - it does sound a bit grabby on its own...

Re-reading though, I think what you're saying is:

We have been living in MIL's house informally, with no tenancy agreement, and I am more and more wanting some security and stability. I think we should be looking to buy and, as we've invested a lot in this house - money, time, care - I'd like to see whether MIL is open to selling it to us. If not then I'd like to start looking at other options, either a formal tenancy agreement or buying somewhere else.

But DH won't even discuss it and tells me it's none of my business because she's his mum not mine . AIBU to want him to at least discuss the idea?

Preciousbane · 15/02/2014 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwfulMaureen · 15/02/2014 10:55

LordEmsworth has hit the nail on the head! OP the problem is with DH not MIL. MIL has helped you out a lot...you need to get DH to discuss the future now.

Oldraver · 15/02/2014 10:56

I'm sure if the OP was wanting to buy this property, another property or rent at market forces to secure her tenancy then it would be costing her much, much more than £280 a month..... If she cant show a mortgage provider that this extra money needed is accounted for (by saving) then she doesn't stand a hope in hell of getting a mortgage

RunRunRuby · 15/02/2014 11:20

I wouldn't ask her on your own if DH has already expressed his concerns, it will seem like you're going behind his back and might upset both of them

Joysmum · 15/02/2014 11:30

I'm with the majority on here. You see the money spent as investing in HER house, I see it as you saving a hell of a lot of money on rent.

I also think that's your MIL is going to be worse off because if this arrangement because of the tax implications.

If you had a tenancy agreement, you'd be protected until the end of that tenancy and then get 2 months notice if it were left as a rolling tenancy basis instead of a new tenancy of longer given.

brettgirl2 · 15/02/2014 11:48

omg if they've done all that for 10k then they have slaved to get this work done. No one is factoring their work into this very cheap rent.

Op you need to make the most of it now and save. Then either offer to buy that one or buy a different property.

Poppy67 · 15/02/2014 11:52

Your dh needs to sort this, not you. You've gibsbcult had it easy so be cAreful in case she gets pissed and gives you notice to go.

Original poster

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 15/02/2014 11:54

lordemsworth that's exactly what i wanted to say!

Thank you!

OP posts:

weekendninja · 15/02/2014 11:57

If you want to own a house then either put it to her or buy your own. As others have said, you have had a very good run of it but if it's security that you want a tenancy agreement would be of no use in the long term anyway.

Preciousbane · 15/02/2014 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizzieHexham · 15/02/2014 12:04

I don't know if you are in England or Scotland but in Scotland you have not been living "rent free" Rent can be paid by the provision of goods and services. The default letting position is a house which is let has to meet mandatory standards at landlord's cost unless landlord and tenants agree otherwise.

A lease doesn't have to be in writing. If one allows a third party to occupy property in exchange for rent a lease is created. In Scotland if a lease isn't set up as a Short Assured Tenancy the default setting is an Assured Tenancy which gives considerable security of tenure. As there isn't anything in writing if the cost of what you have done, including labour is more than £6 per week a tenancy may have been created.

Peekingduck · 15/02/2014 12:05

"omg if they've done all that for 10k then they have slaved to get this work done. No one is factoring their work into this very cheap rent. hmm "

I think you'll find that many have.

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