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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want some ownership of this property?

95 replies

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 15/02/2014 10:03

MIL has 'kindly' allowed us to live in her house, which is unmortgaged, rent free.

I say 'kindly' as it's a shell of a house that had needed completely gutting and renovating to make it habitable including expensive jobs such as replacing the bathroom, floors throughout, installing central heating and replacing the whole fence for the large back garden with no financial help from MIL.

I've broached the subject with DH that as we've spent a not insignificant amount of money on the house that we approach his mum with the view to buying it off her. He's not adverse to the idea but feels his mum will be very against it.

I'm petrified that now the house is in a very good condition she's quids in and could well sell it from under us.

We have no tenancy agreement in place either.

What would, in your mind, be a good solution here?

OP posts:
Original poster
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 15/02/2014 10:22

I guess the reason I'm wanting security is I gave up an assured tenancy council property to move in here and having been a single parent before am petrified that I won't have a leg to stand on if DH and I split (unlikely to happen but you can't foresee the future) and I feel vulnerable that she holds all the cards as it were.

OP posts:
Original poster
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 15/02/2014 10:23

Tbh I don't mind paying rent now the place is habitable.

It's security I want.

OP posts:
ageofgrandillusion · 15/02/2014 10:23

This doesnt make sense OP. You say you've not been able to save but you have only spent 10k on rent over three years. Which, in theory, suggest you would not have been able to afford normal market rent? Yes?

MorningTimes · 15/02/2014 10:23

Why don't you and DH just buy a house of your own?

WhoNickedMyName · 15/02/2014 10:23

Even if she decides to sell now, you've still done really well out of it.

If you're not happy then go find somewhere else that you could live for 10K over three years. You won't because it doesn't exist.

Oldraver · 15/02/2014 10:24

You have done very, very well out of the deal and although you feel you have no security I think the fact you have saved so much money should make up for this.By all means approach her and ask if you can buy, if she is not willing you then need to look to buy/rent elsewhere if long term security is your aim.

I'm assuming you are putting a lot of money into savings that you would of spent had you been renting at market prices ?

NMFP · 15/02/2014 10:26

£10k for a new bathroom, floors, central heating and fence? Wow! Have you done all the work yourself?

I think your husband should ask your MiL outright what her plans for the house are. This is perfectly reasonable request as you will want to know whether to start saving for your own place or whether you can indulge your own taste in this house when you are decorating.

Then if she says its yours as long as you want it you could broach the subject of buying it off her.

If you plan to do it up for sale at a profit though you would need to be upfront about that.

AwfulMaureen · 15/02/2014 10:26

OP you made a bad choice when you blundered into renovating this house at your own cost. You should either have stayed in a mess and saved a deposit off the back of the rent free situation..OR gone off and rented a house which was not in need of renovation.

You're in a better position than many people. You need to talk to MIL about the future.

Oldraver · 15/02/2014 10:27

I've just seen that you have said you have not been able to save due to the cost of renovations...why the hell not. Are you aware just hopw much the average rent and mortgage are nowadays.. How the hell do you expect to be able to buy if you cant save all the money it is NOT costing you to rent at market prices ?

AwfulMaureen · 15/02/2014 10:27

You want security, start saving now...either use the money for a deposit on a mortgage on the house you are in, or another. What's to complain about?

KellyHopter · 15/02/2014 10:28

Would you be expecting to buy from her for less than she would sell for to someone else?

LaurieFairyCake · 15/02/2014 10:28

You need to look at what your spending your money on though if you've only spent £280 a month in rent .

You should have considerable savings and a house deposit by now as your mortgage would be a lot more than that.

AwfulMaureen · 15/02/2014 10:29

We pay almost 700 a month for a small three bed semi in the North West...in a naice area. If you want to get in our position, with a landlord who doesn't give a shite about your security then fire away...otherwise, begin putting 700 or so a month away against a deposit....get real....this is what people pay...and more!

WhoNickedMyName · 15/02/2014 10:29

If you've spent 10k over three years and haven't been able to save a penny, then the reality is that you can't afford a mortgage or to rent at market value.

KellyHopter · 15/02/2014 10:29

And if you haven't been able to save what would you do about deposit?

ToootSweet · 15/02/2014 10:29

Why don't you just ask?
Why haven't you asked before?
You are getting worked up and she might just say yes.
Can't believe you've been there 3 years and never had a conversation with her about this.

RunRunRuby · 15/02/2014 10:29

I see your point. But you've already spent the money. So if she changes her mind and kicks you out then I'm not sure you would be able to do anything, equally you have no leverage trying to persuade her to sell you the house or give you a tenancy agreement or anything, as you've already spent the money. If she's going to rip you off, she will, but do you really have any reason to suspect that she would?

I can't imagine many parents would deliberately rip off their own child. She is probably glad that she's able to help you by providing you with somewhere to live rent-free. She might be very upset if she knew that you thought that she would kick you out onto the streets over a disagreement.

It was kind of her to do this. She could have spent the money herself and had it done up, possibly more quickly if it didn't have people living in it, and then rented it out for more than you've paid. It seems rather ungrateful to say 'kindly' when she has saved you money in rent and deposit.

By all means discuss with her the possibility of you buying it or renting it with an official tenancy agreement, but don't go in with the attitude that she's trying to rip you off or deceive you, just that you'd like more security in case anything goes wrong.

I tend to think money and family shouldn't really mix so it might be better to buy or rent somewhere else.

Original poster
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 15/02/2014 10:31

A lot of it yes, and knowing people who can help at lower rates.

Before things were replaced we've had to foot the bill for repairs and maintenance along the way. We have 2 cars that have nearly been run into the ground and need repairing what seems like every few months, childcare costs, we've recently had to buy new white goods for the kitchen because the old ones died a death.

We've not been 'pissing money up the wall'

OP posts:
Original poster
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 15/02/2014 10:32

I've never asked because DH has always made noises he's be pissed off if I did ask because it's not my place to it's his as she's his mum.

She's a lovely lovely woman. I love her to bits and this isn't a mil bashing thread, just me airing my concerns.

Think I will outright ask her when I'm on my own with her next

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 15/02/2014 10:32

Those expenses you've listed are exactly what most people have to deal with. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

Pigletin · 15/02/2014 10:33

YABU

If you want the security, approach your MIL and ask her to put in place a (long-term) rental agreement while you start paying rent. I think it is unrealistic to expect to have any sort of ownership in this house. The renovations could be considered rent and considering you've been there for 3 years your MIL has actually been quite generous. And of course she holds all the cards, it's HER house, you are her guests.

I would ask your DH to speak to her and asks if she has any plans for the house in the future so you know where you stand. And while you live there rent free, make sure you save a deposit to buy your own place or buy the house from her.

mrstigs · 15/02/2014 10:35

Actually I feel you'd be daft to upset the apple cart right now demanding tenancy or suchlike. You have a recently renovated house rent free and now you have finished paying out to fix it you can save up loads to buy somewhere yourself. I'd save up plenty of money now then you are in a great position to buy later.

Peekingduck · 15/02/2014 10:35

Op, I know people are being a bit "blunt" with you... but... You don't seem to realise that you have had a very good deal for the time you've been in the house. You see the £10k as an investment in the house, others see it as a hugely cheap rent. You feel you have added £10k to the value, and many feel that is fine, a very reasonable thing to do in return for the great favour your MIL did for you.

I cringed a bit when you put "MIL has "kindly"... in your original post. That makes it read as if you think in some way it wasn't really a kind act. She was very kind and maybe it's time to acknowledge that. I think your DH should speak to her about the future, but not from any entitled point of view because as things stand at the moment, regardless of any value added, you've had a very good deal.

Pigletin · 15/02/2014 10:35

Another piece of advice - I would let your husband deal with asking your MIL. He is right that it's his mother and his place to ask, otherwise you might appear grabby.

AwfulMaureen · 15/02/2014 10:35

Normal What Nicked said is correct. Your expenses re cars and white goods and childcare are just part of life! People pay that and the rent...or like us, if they can't then they just don't have a car! We have no car....and we ride bikes to work and school