Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding question

30 replies

Freyalright · 14/02/2014 13:28

I don't have any experience of weddings. What is reasonable or 'the norm' regarding ushers and bridesmaids outfits. Are they (bridesmaids and ushers) expected to pay for them (either rent a suit or dress/buy) or is it normal for whomever is paying for the wedding to pay for the outfits?

OP posts:
diddl · 14/02/2014 13:30

I think it's usual for the bride & groom to pay.

JeanSeberg · 14/02/2014 13:32

What's the AIBU part of this? Have you asked the bridesmaids and ushers to pay for themselves and they've complained?

I also think that traditionally it's always been the reponsibility of the bride and groom to pay.

MrsBucketxx · 14/02/2014 13:32

Unless they state the case first, I know if someone who had loads if bridesmaids but they all paid for their own dresses.

Joysmum · 14/02/2014 13:32

I didn't do normal, I discussed it with the people involved. Some paid for their own, others we paid depending on their attitude and finances.

QueenofKelsingra · 14/02/2014 13:32

Depends on the type and style of wedding. full on morning dress and bridesmaids gowns for a big white wedding - B&G should pay. more low key - a smart suit and a tea-dress or similar that they can wear again, not unreasonable to ask for them to chip in.

AnythingNotEverything · 14/02/2014 13:33

It's normal for the bride and groom to pay.

I think there are exceptions - if ushers are just wearing, say, a black suit, then they may already own one, or a bridesmaid may pay for or towards shoes of she is likely to wear them again. If it's a one off outfit it's definitely the norm for it to come under the wedding budget.

justmyview · 14/02/2014 13:34

I think bride & groom should definitely pay. Any dress looks smarter when 4 people are wearing it & they match. No need for fancy dresses. My cousin bought 4 dresses for £30 each in Debenhams & they looked nice & really were dresses that could / would be worn again

BabyMummy29 · 14/02/2014 13:35

In my experience, the bride's parents paid for the bridesmaids' dresses but as ushers weren't expected to wear anything special, they just wore their own suits

WooWooOwl · 14/02/2014 13:47

Bride and groom are expected to pay for outfits, and if they want bridesmaids to have their hair or make up done in a certain way, then they pay for that too.

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumEEEEK · 14/02/2014 13:53

Bride and groom usually pay... although there seems to be a trend of brides asking bridesmaids to pay.

General rule, I think, is bride pays if she is having a specific style of dress and chooses the dress.

Bridesmaids may be asked to pay if they choose their own dress that matches the colour scheme.

I was a bridesmaid last year and bride paid for dress.

cjel · 14/02/2014 13:57

We paid for all dds bridesmaids/ushers dresses, but she has been bridesmaid where she has bought her own. We also had big family wedding where mil wanted all the grandchildren to be in the wedding party so we paid for the bridesmaid/pageboy dresses for our own dcs so poor bride wasn't lumbered with her inlaws family bill(There were 9 of them).

When I was mother of the bride I assumed I'd pay - and didSmile

glammanana · 14/02/2014 14:00

I was of the opinion that the Bride/Groom pay for the dresses/suits that way the bride can insist on her colour choice,last year when DS2 was getting married my DIL to be she had a right stroppy mare as her bridesmaid and she hated the colour chosen (baby blue) and wanted to buy her own in a red colour ?? so we ended up only having 3 BMs in the end as DIL was paying the bill.

roofio87 · 14/02/2014 14:39

I've agreed with my bridesmaids a certain budget I can afford for each of them. they are going to pick together what they all like in terms of dresses as I'm not too fussed. if they want something more expensive they will have to make up the rest!!

FatNotFit · 14/02/2014 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApprenticeViper · 14/02/2014 14:48

I was a bridesmaid 18 months ago. The bride paid for all three bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, and for hair on the day. The bride's aunt was a make-up artist so she did everyone's face as a wedding present.

I assumed I'd be paying for my own dress and shoes, but the bride said she was happy to pay probably as one of the bridesmaids was a stroppy madam and would have vetoed every dress if she'd had to buy her own. I did offer to get my dress dry-cleaned and give it back to the bride if she wanted to ebay it, but she said it was mine to keep. It was a Coast satin strapless number, so could probably wear it for a day at the races or something.....that hasn't happened yet Grin

Best1sWest · 14/02/2014 14:52

DD has been a bridesmaid twice and a flower girl once. It was never suggested that we pay for the dress by any of the brides but we always offered. We'd have had to buy her something to wear anyway. The bride paid for hair and headress though.

DomesticSlobbess · 14/02/2014 14:58

DP was a best man at a wedding and DS was pageboy. We were told approx a week before the first fitting that we were paying to rent the suits. All the ushers had to pay for themselves too. I'm not sure if the bridemaids did (think there was 8 of them!) DP and I were very Shock that we had to pay but as best man he didn't want to say no.

My opinion is the bride and groom should have the wedding they can afford, which includes all the outfits of the people they have asked to be involved in their day. I don't think other people should be out of pocket to be part of someone else's wedding!

Writerwannabe83 · 14/02/2014 15:18

Bride and Groom should pay.

LittleBabySqueakSqueak · 14/02/2014 15:41

As far as I know it's usual for B&G to pay for bridesmaids, but a bit less clear-cut for ushers, Best Man etc. We paid for ushers, BM, Dads and witnesses because DH wanted them all in the suits and we wanted to pay for the skint ones without them being singled out and embarrassed.

StrangeGlue · 14/02/2014 15:45

In the uk the b&g pay. In the states it's more usual for bridesmaids to pay. IMHO the b&g should pay as they're dictating what's to be worn. I paid for all for my bridesmaids.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 14/02/2014 15:47

I bought as bride. I wanted the day on which dress, hair and 'look' therefore I paid for hair makeup and dress and tiara.

I was dictator so felt fair!

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 14/02/2014 15:48

We hired men's suits for all 10 too.

ENormaSnob · 14/02/2014 15:50

Bride and groom should pay.

tiredbutstillsmiling · 14/02/2014 16:57

DH and unpaid for the bridesmaid dress and for the 3 groomsman outfits, at a very expensive cost (!), but we assumed that was the norm and built it into our budget.

2 years later I was asked to be bridesmaid for a friend and agreed straight away. A few weeks later whilst trying in dresses I was asked for a £100 deposit for my dress. I ass shocked - apparently in her family bridesmaids pay for their own dresses as they get to keep them! I ended up paying around £300 for dress/shoes/headress. What was even more galling was I fell pg and couldn't wear the dress and ended up paying for another! have since had the dress shortened and now wear it for every wedding since.

culturemulcher · 14/02/2014 17:04

I think times have changed, and so have the rules. It now seems to be pretty accepted that if you want the bridesmaids to wear something particular, you pay. If you're happy for them to wear whatever they'd like - you don't pay.

I don't think you could possibly ask them to wear something specific and then ask them to pay for it too.