To not want Fiances Step father in law singing at our wedding?

[JennyCol]

I am probably being totally U but Id like to get an unbiased opinion nonetheless. I am getting married in a year and we booked the wedding (typical hotel do) a few months ago. Everything has gone swimmingly thus far no stress, just a pleasureable experience. My parents are very generously - footing the bill so I suppose this takes away from any stress that might have otherwise happened.

My dp and I are planning the wedding equally, both agree on the type of wedding we want and there have been no bridezilla moments I have to speak up for myself when I say that I really am quite relaxed about the whole thing and wont be having any massively diva moments.

However and this is a bit of a (perhaps) irrational source of anxiety for me at the moment but my dp has dropped into conversation a few times about his stepfather and stepfathers brothers singing at our wedding. He raised this (in a kind of we should get x to sing at the wedding when we get married way) before we got engaged in passing conversation and I reacted like a bit of a bitch and said I didnt want this. Anyway, later on, to brush off the topic I said it would be fine, but only a few songs.

Anyway, fast-forward to our engagement and subsequent booking of the wedding and he mentioned it during lunch with my parents. Mum spoke to me on the phone about it asking if he was joking because its a bit sad dad singing at your wedding (I absolutely agree, they only like sixties stuff). To be fair, we went to a wedding of a close friend and the grroms bro and sis sang and everyone (bitchy I know, but us brits take the mick) did crack a few jokes about how utterly cringy it was (IT REALLY WAS VOIT-INDUCING).

One final thing my parents are not putting their views forward if anything they are keeping their beaks firmly out despite bankrolling the lot but I have noticed that whenever they suggest something, my dp dismisses it, But he seems to be assigning little jobs to his Mum and Stepfather (who he loves and has a nice relationship with but isnt really close to, whereas I am with my parents) like designing our wedding invitations?!

I KNOW I AM PROBABLY BEING TOTALLY U but would love to be told one way or another!

So sorry for unnecessarily long post (perhaps I am a bridezilla after all).

Weddings are for all age groups, what do a few 60's numbers at the reception matter. Some people will enjoy them, some won't, you add to the store of family good will and shared memories, which is a good thing.

My DSIL hates posh dresses, but plays folk woodwind beautifully. Therefore, she played for the signing of the registers. I didn't have to think of some music, she felt useful and less mean about saying no to being a bridesmaid and everyone was happy.

I would discuss it with your husband, it's your wedding, if he desperately wants it I would go along with it, if hes not that fussed, you decide together to say no.

You seem worried what your mum will say and what his dad will say- they are not the ones getting married, just decide between yourselves!

limited

I don't think you should have anything you don't want on your wedding day!

My brother is performing at my cousin's wedding, but he is a professional musician and does it for a living....

Haha this is exactly what i mean. Kill me.

YANBU. Relatives singing at weddings are cringe making.

That's Nicola Walker as part of the "folk duo" isn't it?

Plays Derek Jacobi's daughter in LTIH!

Yuk, I would hate this and put my foot down now. It sounds so awful - just say no.

My MIL hinted that she wanted to sing at my wedding. I fairness, she used to be an amazing singer, but I would have hated it. It would have been all about her and how wonderfully she sang. Not happening, not on my shift.

I think you have to be firm her. If it is naff & cringe making to you, you are entitled to that opinion and it is your wedding. If your fiance insists, suggest he picks up the tab for the wedding instead - I suspect his family loyalty won't stretch that far.

If you say "no" I wouldn't rule out them trying to grab a mic and try anyway.

I had some random girl get up and sing at our wedding she was so shit, it was hilarious. The DJ let her up - so maybe tip off your DJ nobody is to sing if you are dead set against.

I would let them sing tbh. Easy life.

Sounds ghastly and could be very embarrassing if you let him go ahead. Too many people nowadays claim that they can sing, but are sadly delusional about their talent.

Don't give in!!

The thing is, does DSFIL2B want to do it because he thinks it's a nice thing for you or because it's a nice thing for him?

If he genuinely thinks that he's being generous and wants to do it as a treat for your wedding, to show you how welcome you are in their family, etc. then I think you should humour him and let him do a couple of numbers, later in the evening, after the main events of the day when you're feeling relaxed.

If he wants to do it because he sees a chance to show off in front of a captive audience, and doesn't actually care that it's your wedding, then I would be more inclined to put my foot down and say no, if I genuinely didn't want him to.

Only you can really know which it is.

To me it sounds like your DF has got a chip on his shoulder because your parents are bank rolling everything. You say he dismisses their ideas but his parents are designing the invites? Surely the two of you should be designing them?
And you also say the children of his family are involved but not of yours? Are you just letting him have his way so he feels better about not contributing?

I think if if your DP wants it to happen it should it is his wedding too. And His family too.

OP it is a horrible, cringemaking idea; it is your wedding not an ego trip for FIL.

Get your Bridezilla outfit on and go, girl, go!

Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy Boy ........You'll love it

Am I the only one thinking about that old crooner in Coronation Street?

so maybe tip off your DJ nobody is to sing if you are dead set against.

THIS!!!!! Or FIL will stand up and do it anyway!

Also realised that your dp has given the designing invites job to his parents but the invites will say 'The parents of.... invite you.............'

that isn't on at all. What happens if the invites are NASTY?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe not a red flag but a 'blush' one.

so how is dp in general? Does he like your friends? if you have kids will he pull his weight? Are you planning a joint account / shared bills account.

ercolercol, i was very miffed about the invitation thing. There is an awful lot to think about where planning is concerned so at this stage a lot of conversation consists of jumbled ideas.

As i said, he'd be mortified if he knew i even thought like this, let alone write an entire thread about it. We have a great relationship, share many mutual things and share everything. He never controls any element of my life, in fact is enormously supportive. I didn't expect him to want to be so involved (althoug i am delighted he's showing an interest). Thing is, I think he gets carried away and blurts out suggestions to people and about things (ie the whole idea of his parents designing the invitations came about when he just asked them over the phone during a hands free call in the car when his mum phoned to ask how we'd got on booking the venue) but he says these things to my parents and they are too polite to say anything but i cringe because on occasion I worry that they might feel like a cashpoint when in fact my Mum is absolutely brilliant at hosting a good do. We're having a quiet evening in tonight so I will explain it to him then.

that was meant to say "share many mutual friends". There is genuinely nothing i would change about our lives, just that he is getting on my bloody nerves at times with this sodding wedding!

Yup, tell him to stop offering stuff out to others.

Write a list of what needs doing, who is organising what & what needs deciding between you.

If you don't like the design of the invitations-what then??

Exactly, diddl!

My dad did this to my brother, and it was absolutely bloody awful!!!!!!

You and your fiancee need a chat about what you really want and agree, if you dont want 60's stuff at your wedding, then tell him, you might find a compromise.

I think i may have been thrown a bone ---- our booking agreement from our venue states that bands/djs must provide documents for their public liability and a copy of a PAT test docs. Yippeeeeeee!!!!

My fil along with other family members played at BIL's wedding. BIL was in the band too. All fine on the night but the next morning FIL was in a huff because BIL aka the groom hadn't turned up to help pack up the equipment. I helpfully ventured that he might be busy shagging his new wife....