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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bemused by the phrase 'young mothers'?

110 replies

ComposHat · 13/02/2014 22:45

It sounds rather archaic, but I've still heard it used on here from time to time. However never been sure if it refers to

A) Women who had children at an early age

Or

B) Women with very young children.

Can anyone help?

OP posts:
Mimishimi · 14/02/2014 00:51

I was 24 when I had my first but I looked a lot younger. One day I was walking in NYC with her when this woman (late thirties-early forties?) came up to admire her. No problem, don't mind if strangers tickle my baby's feet, then she said "have you considered giving her up?" I thought she was joking good-humouredly and laughed .. by myself. She looked disappointed and said "You're such a young mommy. I thought you might not be coping..". Conversation ended there and I high-tailed it out of there quicksmart!!

OxfordBags · 14/02/2014 00:51

It seems to be used as 'any mother with children under 3' around here. I regularly get called a young mother, and, much as I would like to delude myself that it is down to my complexion, I have a toddler and am in my 40s and do not pass as a mother under 30.

oliviaoctopus · 14/02/2014 06:42

I am 29 and my mum told me last week I have to be more careful with doing stuff this pregnancy as Im a lot older now. So looks like Im a old mother now. how time flies!

Mumof3xx · 14/02/2014 06:48

I don't mind being called a young mother

I am 26 and had my first at 20

I look about 16

selsigfach · 14/02/2014 06:55

Oh my god Mimi, what an awful thing to say!

oliviaoctopus · 14/02/2014 06:56

I look really young as well. I went out with my parents and ordered a pizza and they thought I was 15 and brought me a kids meal for free Hmm Its not seen as unusual here having lots of children and looking/being young though.

I got married at 20 and that gets loads of comments from the general public in a way that having children doesnt for some weird reason.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/02/2014 07:07

YABU to be bemused... Hmm

Mumof3xx · 14/02/2014 07:08

I got id'ed for child's paracetamol the other day

The age on it was 16

KoalaFace · 14/02/2014 07:08

Shock Mimi horrible! She must have been roaming around New York like a cross between Cruella DeVil and the childcatcher!

I often hear "young mother" to describe a woman under 30, with young children, who something sad or tragic happened to. I think its re-enforcing the sadness of the death/illness/etc as she's so young with a young family.

Sometimes it is just descriptive.

Sometimes snidey and judgemental.

I was 24 when I had DS and was described as a young mum (which I resented). Now at 28 pregnant with DC2 no one has said it. Which is quite upsetting....

What a contrary cow I am!

Lillilly · 14/02/2014 07:24

I used to work on a health project where young mother was interchangeable with single mother. I think they meant mothers we can judge and patronise!

Original poster
ComposHat · 14/02/2014 07:27

koala how things change. My mum was 26 when I was born (1980) and was placed on a special ward for 'old' first time mothers. She also had 'elderly gravid ' scrawled on her medical notes.

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 14/02/2014 07:30

Although A makes more logical sense, I more usually think of it as B, because sometimes I get referred to as a young mother, and while my kids are young, I am certainly not!

Dollslikeyouandme · 14/02/2014 07:32

Mimishimi what a horrible thing to say, that's made me really angry.

I was 24 when I had ds and people used to say i looked even younger, there was a 30+ year old at work pregnant at the same time, neither of us were married, but i was in a ltr, living together, she was pregnant from a ons, she got lots of congratulations, I got lots of sad faces and 'you're just a baby', and 'was it planned'.

Really got to me, now I'm 30 no doubt if I had a second I'd be treated a lot different.

ShoeWhore · 14/02/2014 07:35

Grin Compo my mum is still smarting at being an elderly gravida 40 odd years later - she was 25!

I am obviously deluded as I thought I was a young mother when I had little ones in my early 30s dream on

I don't remember using this phrase but if I did it wouldn't be in a negative way.

KoalaFace · 14/02/2014 07:36

Shock Compos really? 1980 is so recent I'd not have thought 26 was old then!

Although I did just refer to 1980 as "recent".

hootloop · 14/02/2014 07:42

I think a young mum is a teen mum.
People should have babies in their 20s if they can but I don't criticise anyone who doesn't.
I think having your first over 35 makes you an older mum.
I think being in a secure relationship having, secure housing and income are far more relevant than age when having a baby.
For the record I had my first at at 23 in 2006 having been married 5 years and having a mortgage on our house.

Original poster
ComposHat · 14/02/2014 07:44

Yep. Twas considered late for a first pregnancy. It was also considered unusual that they waited 5 years before starting a family. My nan used to lie to her friends that they were trying for a baby even when they weren't to cover her embarrassment.

OP posts:
ethelb · 14/02/2014 08:10

Maureen thats my point

TwittyMcTwitterson · 14/02/2014 08:17

Your poor mum compos. I'm 26 and constantly get ID'd when not with DD. I think I'd be less than impressed if I was put on a special older persons ward. Hmm

I was 24 when she was born and was referred to as a young parent as was DP who is a yr older. We both look about 10. It's funny that a word like young can be such an insult but it really feels like it is at times Shock

NearTheWindmill · 14/02/2014 08:18

All the mothers I know have grey hair and hot flushes. Anyone younger is a young mother nowadays Grin. Where I go to church there are lots of mothers with babies/toddlers in the their 30s and I think of them as refreshingly young mothers and look back with a glint of green in my eyes.

I think it depends where you are in life relative to where others are.

oliviaoctopus · 14/02/2014 08:20

If someone 26/27 becomes a first time mum/dad on my facebook there are a lot of comments like god about time, thought you 2 never would etc as its still seen as waiting a long time here.

TheXxed · 14/02/2014 08:20

It bothers me that women in their 20s or late teens are so unfairly maligned by society. Doing the unthinkable and having children during their most fertile years.

Weegiemum · 14/02/2014 08:22

I officially work at a project supporting "young mums" in literacy/numeracy.

You have to be under 25 - most are under 20.

Slh122 · 14/02/2014 08:22

I hate being referred to as a 'young mum'.
My HV came round for the first time last week and said 'oh I'm surprised that you're breastfeeding, most young mums choose to formula feed.' Hmm
What the fuck has age got to do with how you choose to feed your baby?!

Slh122 · 14/02/2014 08:23

Oh and I'm 19. So technically an adult. Didn't stop the midwives and health visitor from talking to me like I was about 12 though did it?