who is being unreasonable here .... my mum or my dad ( please as im caught in the middle lol )

[mummywithsmiles]

So my parents split when in was 5 ..however dad has always been apart of my life.
He met his partner when I was 9 and she had 4 kids ( I was the youngest of all the kids )
Her eldest son 3 yes ago had a daughter and they asked my dad if her daughter could call him grandad as she his dad wasn't around neither was the mums and my dad had been around for the last 10 years or so - this wasn't an issue.
Fast forward 3 yes I have a lil girl and the whole thing of her calling dads girlfriend gran has come up...now my daughter has a gran my mum who loves her v much. She is very offended about her being called gran as she isn't my daughters gran and she is.
Step mum has been OK , I don't dislike her she has done some really nice things for us but has never really included us as an whole family it was a bit like my dad,her and her kids and then my dad and us.
But she has been quite supportive whilst daughter has been sick and gave us some money.

So dad wants her to be called gran like he is to her grandaughter but my mum doesnt .

I think your mum being unreasonable. What your daughter calls your father's wife has no impact on her life at all. It just seems so petty to worry about what your grandchild calls someone else in her life. The more people who children have to love them the better. Your daughter is lucky to have another grandparent figure in her life. She can call your mum gran and your stepmom " granny -name".

Both my DH and I have separated parents. All step parents are called Grandad...their name and Nanny... their name. The only one that's different is DH mum and that's because she requested Grandma instead. If they are a constant and loving prescience in our child's life, I think they deserve to be a nanny/grandad.

Could she have her own special name, how about gran other in a diff language?

I think that's fair enough, but the problem is, only time will tell how she treats your DD and you can't easily change the name after a while. What did your dad say?

I think if this is your route, call her something else for now (an affectionate name which could imply a special relationship but not grandma) and if she does step up and treat your DD as an equal granddaughter then you can change to grandma.

Im in a similar boat with my partners dad and step mum. Sm gc call fil Grandad, Dp sis has 2 kids and the sm has never been asked to be called Nanny etc.

However when our dd was born Dp sm wanted a title. I'm happy with her being gran, Nanny etc but my Dp and his mum are quite set only biological people get titles, my friends aren't called aunty x. Tho I slightly agree with.

It is hard to please everyone and I actually prefer Dp sm to his dm, but left it with Dp to sort though. Though Dp df has only mentioned it the once.

Maybe a stnanny is the way foward .....

when my husband became a grandad this came up. I said that it was up to the bairns to choose what they want to call me.

Bairns usually come up with a name themselves.. they don't need to be coached.

I'm always surprised with the "children will chose their own name for you" thing, because DS calls my MIL "nanny" because we told him that was her name, we've called her Nanny infront of him, I can't imagine he'd make up the name 'nanny' if I had just called her by her name and DH had called her Mum in front of him. Similarly, my mum is Granny, and I called her granny in front of him from as soon as he was old enough to understand the word.

I also think it would be confusing if you teach your LO a word then change it, however as your DD will be a year or so before she'll start understanding the labels, you could just not call her anything different for 6 months or so and then start introducing a label for her.

we have split families too my children refer to nans new husband by his first name and grandad eg grandad pete but biological grandad is just grandad and nanny is just nanny (but granddads wife is called nanny ruth)so its the same deal they have the honorific followed by first names because they are not biological grandparents

Coming in late here.

My mum and dad are referred to as mama and papa due to our language. My fil is grandad (with the glasses) and mil is grandma 'name' and her dh is just his name, or sometimes granddad 'name'.

My DD also has 3 sets of grandparents. All are called Grandma/granddad.

My mum said she didn't want my dads wife to be referred to as grandma, however I pointed out to her that if she expected her husband to be granddad (which she did) then my dads wife would be grandma. Problem solved, no bother since.