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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think being bullied doesn't justify stabbing someone in the face?

328 replies

Topaz25 · 13/02/2014 11:34

So this article popped up in my newsfeed today. Teenager stabs girl in the face and beats another black and blue because they called him HARRY POTTER
www.facebook.com/dailymirror/posts/552566581523132

I was shocked at the amount of comments defending him! I was bullied as a child so I do understand it is devastating but that doesn't justify stabbing someone in the face! He didn't just lash out in the moment, he went home to get a knife to cause maximum damage, he lead the girls to the park, he thought this through. He is a danger to the public. I am also surprised at the sentence, I think stabbing someone in the face while shouting "die, die!" indicates intent to kill and should have been charged accordingly. I do wonder if his supporters would want to live next to him when he gets out or have him round to dinner since he is so misunderstood? I don't agree with bullying but when he attacked two younger girls I feel he effectively became the bully, it was a massive overreaction to the situation and he had other options. AIBU?

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 14/02/2014 20:30

The thing is, we just don't know, do we?

Vampyre I'd have him as a neighbour over them even with what he's done, because treat him with decency and he's unlikely to be a problem

No, I wouldn't. I really wouldn't. That ability to snap and resort to extreme violence is something I would never knowingly or willingly be around. There might be another trigger, nothing to do with bullying.

Its not so much a matter of his not being given sympathy because he was bullied, but his being punished for his very personal and specific reaction to it.

JustGettingOnWithIt · 14/02/2014 20:30

Sorry I probably should have used 'one' and 'one's' rather than 'you' and 'your'.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 14/02/2014 20:31

and don't you think being bullied gives you a victim card? do you think a mentally well person just does this?!

JustGettingOnWithIt · 14/02/2014 20:31

Topaz that's fair enough. You and some others believe one thing, others believe another.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 14/02/2014 20:33

well, god forbid any of your teenage sons are bullied because it's upsetting to think they'd be told something along the lines of 'man up, it's just a bit of verbal abuse'...

Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:33

I don't know how I would feel if he was my son, honestly. Probably very scared of him and very scared for him. I would feel that I should in some way have helped him or addressed his issues before it got to this stage, that isn't a reflection on anyone else though, that's just what would go through my head. I think I would still be appalled by what he did if I was related to him, possibly more so.

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Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:34

Were you talking to me about the verbal abuse thing? I would absolutely never say that. Sometimes it's hard to follow threads.

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LessMissAbs · 14/02/2014 20:34

Vampyre also, if he was the type of person to stab someone over a wee bit of name calling then I'm amazed that he hasn't stabbed anyone before (afaik). this, in my opinion, is a bloke who has been very much provoked. it's not justification but it is the reason he did it, I believe

Theres usually a progression in crimes ie criminals start small and push their personal boundaries and work up.

We already had an assault (water throwing) before the knife crime and beating incidents. Who knows what went on before that? Did he retaliate verbally at all? Again, you would need to wait until the full case report and evidence is published (could take months).

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 14/02/2014 20:35

do you not think you would feel any sympathy for him (if he was your son, that is) on account of the fact that he was bullied?

Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:35

I don't think verbal abuse is acceptable, I would take action against the bullies and get him counselling but I wouldn't condone violence.

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Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:36

Of course I would feel sympathy, I think that was covered by saying I would feel very bad I hadn't helped him before.

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LessMissAbs · 14/02/2014 20:36

well, god forbid any of your teenage sons are bullied because it's upsetting to think they'd be told something along the lines of 'man up, it's just a bit of verbal abuse'...

Equally though you wouldn't want to say to your son "You just go and show him what bullied people can do - then they won't do that again" and hand him a knife!

Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:36

But at the same time I would be horrified by what he did.

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VampyreofTimeandMemory · 14/02/2014 20:36

well, that's the thing, who knows? Surely the media would have gotten straight in there with previous offences if this were the case.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 14/02/2014 20:37

well, topaz at least you're acknowledging there was probably a great deal of build-up to this.

JustGettingOnWithIt · 14/02/2014 20:44

If Ryan Walker had beaten and stabbed one of my dd's in the exact same circumstances, I'd have been horrified at what had happened to them, and told them that I hoped this was an awful lesson that would change the way they acted forever, and how lucky they were that it wasn't worse, and I would have been very upset for both him and them, and wonder how on earth I'd brought my dd's up, that they were harassing and taunting others for kicks.

I wouldn't be parading mine around as a victim, I'd be apologising for her actions, and expect her to at the very least keep out of the limelight, and would be deeply saddened and ashamed, and seeking help for her psychological state both prior too, and post, it.

monicalewinski · 14/02/2014 20:48

How would you feel if one of the girls was your daughter Topaz?

JustGettingOnWithIt · 14/02/2014 20:48

Theres usually a progression in crimes ie criminals start small and push their personal boundaries and work up.

Exactly how I see these girls.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 14/02/2014 20:48

lessmiss I made it clear on my post I was not x commenting on this boys actions because I don't know enough - I do believe that our experiences were dismissed.

It is horrific what has happened to these girls. Just awful.

MonsieurReynard · 14/02/2014 20:50

If young guys with ASD can't accept their social duty of being intimidated, harrassed, bullied, beaten, occasionally set fire to, etc for the amusement of their betters then there's plenty of suicide tutorials on Youtube - there's no need for them to go bothering normal folk!

sarcasm mode off

Not justifying it, but can definitely sympathise with the guy - been there, done that (to a lesser extent, but would quite happily have done worse if I'd had the opportunity). Snapping after years of bullying doesn't necessarily mean lashing out immediately. It can be more like a mental switch going off - the realisation that this really is all there is to look forward to in life (especially as this guy had left school, and it was still going on), that, actually, death or prison would be better, and there isn't actually anything stopping you from fighting back other than the rules of a society that's deemed you as it's whipping boy. There were several days between the first time I snapped and when I actually took action - doesn't mean that I wasn't mentally messed up during that period - to a frankly terrifying degree in retrospect, though I'd probably have passed any mental health assessments at the time. Treat someone as less than human for long enough, and there's a fair chance that's what they'll become.

TBH, I hope prison's the making of him. If he gets a room on his own he'll get hassled less than on the outside. For some folk, that's probably as good as life will get.

No sympathy for the girls - occupational hazard of being a bully and they'd have known the risks when they signed up. Besides (sarcasm mode re-engaged), surely by their rules, screaming 'die, die' is just banter, a beating is just spirited behaviour and a knife in the face is quite character-building? Or does that only apply if you're the bully?

Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:53

If one of the girls was my daughter I think I would be very concerned at their behaviour but realistically mostly horrified by what happened to them. I mean I was extremely upset to see the images of their injuries and read that their attacker only got 4.5 years so obviously I would be more upset if I was related to them. I'm not excusing what they did, I just don't think they deserved to be attacked for it.

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Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:53

Where does it say he had ASD?

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Farrowandbawl · 14/02/2014 20:55

Concerned at their behaviour? Concerned?

It's that pathetic concern that lets bullies get away with their antics for so long.

Topaz25 · 14/02/2014 20:55

I don't see why the same people who say Ryan Walker was driven to this violent act by bullying think the girls will have learned a lesson. They probably had poor social skills and empathy before this, now they have been attacked and traumatised. Rather than developing emotionally from this experience aren't they more likely to be terrified and defensive and maybe angry? People are justifying him attacking these girls because he was bullied. So now they've been victimised does that give them the right to attack someone else? Who would then be angry and take it out on someone else? Where does it end?

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MonsieurReynard · 14/02/2014 20:55

Topaz - Page 4, I think? Comments on the local newspaper website from folk that know him.