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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread flying because of my size?

457 replies

annauk1 · 12/02/2014 19:57

I am going on holiday in a few days. I should be really happy but the flight is really making me not want to go.

I flew last year and needed a belt extension which was fine, wasn't much of a problem, but the thing that petrifies me most is that DP and I won't be able to sit together and if I end up sitting next to a nasty person who is ' a fat-phobe' and huffs and puffs at me the whole 3 hours for taking up more than my (tiny) seat space. I am flying with Monarch who are notorius for their tiny seats. I am a size 26 btw.

OP posts:
MadIsTheNewNormal · 13/02/2014 09:17

To be honest I don't think someone would need to be a fat-phobe to be pissed off at someone else ruining what meagre comfort there might be had on a flight. That would give me the raging hump whether the person in question was very large, very smelly, very loud, or one of those children how things it's ok to kick the back of your seat for the whole journey.

Fleta · 13/02/2014 09:23

I don't think it is being a "fat phobe" to want to be able use the seat you have paid for - I presume the idential price to the larger person - in some sort of comfort. I agree that using an economy airline you expect a "no frills" experience but IMO a seat isn't a "frill" - it is the absolute basic.

OP I think it would make sense for you and your partner to either book seats together or book three seats between the two of you. That way you ensure both yourselves and everyone else a more comfortable experience with no embarrassment.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/02/2014 09:34

NaggingNellie, this thread isn't actually about 'fatness', it's about (altogether now...) "encroachment onto another person's space". I wouldn't like to have anybody in my space for any reason, not children, not babies, not adults - all their body parts and other assorted travelling paraphernalia needs to stay in their own space, not mine.

There's not much that a passenger can do about it if their seating neighbour decides to emit horrid smells, engage in random loud chat or enter into your 'air space'/seat space. That's down to the encroaching party's sense of entitlement to do this antisocial things. If anything, I would be - and have been (see previous post) more sympathetic to 'need', contorting myself like a pretzel to accommodate that.

If I needed extra room - for whatever reason - I'd book it rather than worry about it because it would bother me from the point of realisation till the actual flight. I wouldn't rely on other passengers accommodating me. OP not only wants passengers to accommodate her but also to smile and maintain that throughout the flight, regardless of discomfort. I strongly disagree with the posters who say that 'they can see her pain and that we should see beyond what she's posted'. How absolutely patronising to the OP. Not only does she need extra room she needs 'interpreters' around her to explain patiently to others.

The 'fat phobic' accusations on this thread - started by the OP, then picked up and self-importantly held aloft by others - are inflammatory, designed to be insulting and worthy of being wholly ignored.

MidniteScribbler · 13/02/2014 09:40

If I was sat next to someone large on a flight, I would rather suffer the mild discomfort/encroachment on my space than make someone feel embarrassed/ashamed.

There is no need for embarrassment if the person takes appropriate steps before boarding the flight. My friends who are a large couple have never been embarrassed or ashamed because they purchase the extra seat and do not cause other passengers discomfort. It's an entirely avoidable situation with no need to embarrass the larger passenger, or cause discomfort for the passenger in the neighbouring seat.

sherazade · 13/02/2014 09:44

The op hasn't demanded that anyone maintain a smile throughout the flight, she hasnt actually asked for specifically anything. She knows she is likely to cause discomfort to the person next to her and is dreading the impending humiliation and embarrassment. And yy to the poster who said they'd rather sit for a couple if hours in discomfort than make the op feel humiliated by audibly huffing and puffing.

Bunbaker · 13/02/2014 09:49

"And yy to the poster who said they'd rather sit for a couple if hours in discomfort than make the op feel humiliated by audibly huffing and puffing."

I wouldn't do either. I am slim and find the width of airline seats ample, but I struggle with the seat pitch as I have long legs. Having endured two long haul flights being squashed by my neighbour I wouldn't want to do it again, so I would ask discreetly if it was possible to be moved. This would be a win for both of us as I wouldn't be squashed and the larger person would be able to spread out.

ViviPru · 13/02/2014 09:52

Lots of sense spoken by LWintheW as usual.

polythenespam · 13/02/2014 09:53

I am in no way a "fat phobe" but I wouldn't be happy if I was unable to use my whole seat.

OP as you know it's going to be a problem for you and others perhaps it would be better to book 2 seats or pay for class/airline with larger seats?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/02/2014 09:56

sherezade... OP said "... if I end up sitting next to a nasty person who is ' a fat-phobe' and huffs and puffs at me the whole 3 hours..."

So, if not 'grin and bear it' then what? Huffing and puffing is a no-no. Have you ever sat next to somebody who can't fit into their seat - for whatever reason? Height, girth, it's all the same. There comes a point beyond which it's very difficult to sit - in even mild discomfort - because you're forced into one position. Try it for ten minutes and then come back and post disingenuously that you'd endure it for a whole flight rather than humiliate somebody... Hmm

I wouldn't huff and puff, there's no need for that, those are OP's emotive words, but neither would I sit there in a squashed state. I would ask to be moved. I wouldn't make a pantomime of it but giving the proximity, OP would obviously know.

Tolstoysjudge · 13/02/2014 09:58

Why cant your DH sit next to you?

jennifleurs · 13/02/2014 10:00

If you're flying long haul it really is worth paying extra for business class because of thus reason.

Why suffer the discomfort? Whatever size you are.

CalamitouslyWrong · 13/02/2014 10:05

Thing is, you can't know that seat encroachment will simply cause a bit of mild discomfort to the person next yo you. People with arthritic joints (particularly in the spine, hips, pelvis or knees) may well find being cramped up next to someone else excruciatingly painful. People with anxiety disorders may find being squashed against someone else intolerable. The person next to you may be equally large and cannot give up any of their seat (in fact, were hoping to encroach on to yours).

The sensible thing would be to always book yourself two seats. If I were flying long distance I would only do so if I could upgrade my seat because I know that my arthritic joints absolutely couldn't cope in economy. That's just something I need to factor in to my affordability calculations. On a shorter flight, I can (just about) cope with economy but I really do need all the space in my seat. Just because my arse doesn't actually take up every millimetre of the seat doesn't mean it's ok to assume I don't need the space.

IceBeing · 13/02/2014 10:06

hmm okay so if you are size 26 then every flight you go on is presumably massively uncomfortable and you feel squashed in.

If you are size 10-12 then most flights are fine and occasionally you have a nasty squashed experience due to others.

BUT if you are the size 26 person then you have it in your power to deal with both your own and other peoples resulting problems by booking extra space....so I think YABU.

TamerB · 13/02/2014 10:06

Lots of people simply can't afford business class-I can't. If I go to Australia again I would love to be business class, but the reality is that we will be economy.

ViviPru · 13/02/2014 10:07

Flying isn't an entitlement.

Tolstoysjudge · 13/02/2014 10:07

They are already booking two seats one for the DH and the other for the OP. I cant see what the problem is. Why cant they sit together?

TamerB · 13/02/2014 10:08

Why cant your DH sit next to you?

I suspect it is because they both need extra room. The answer is to book 3 seats and not to take part of someone else's seat.

ViviPru · 13/02/2014 10:10

This thread is so annoying, there are so many points that the OP needs to clarify but I suspect she will not be returning. Damn you AIBU with your compelling yet irksome nature.

Tolstoysjudge · 13/02/2014 10:12

Sorry OP but you must have this problem daily trains,cars,cinema etc could you not try to lose some weight before you go on holiday?

CalamitouslyWrong · 13/02/2014 10:13

Indeed, you don't need to have a problem to feel more that mild discomfort if someone else is taking up a proportion of your seat (whether it's a wide arse or wide shoulder that's the issue). 11 hours squashed and cramped will be more than mildly uncomfortable for anyone.

Mild discomfort is the general expectation for a flight in economy where there are no other issues. Surely no one actually finds economy comfortable for several hours.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2014 10:13

Damn you AIBU with your compelling yet irksome nature.

I so had a mental image of your shaking your fist at the screen then Grin

IceBeing · 13/02/2014 10:14

vivi you are SO right...it is pretty obvious the OP is unlikely to be back and yet...

ViviPru · 13/02/2014 10:14

I so DID.. Bah.

mrsjay · 13/02/2014 10:16

as others have said people are not fat phobe if you are on their seat book another seat or book a seat next to your husband not sure why you wouldnt do that anyway ?

docket · 13/02/2014 10:16

I agree with posters saying you need to phone the airline in advance (although I would expect you and your dp to be able to sit together anyway).

I appreciate it's a sensitive issue for you but it isn't fair to brand someone nasty and fat-phobic in advance of them not wanting to have to give up their already limited space to you. As others have said, it's an issue of the size of seats in planes rather than other people's attitudes. YANBU to feel worried at the thought of the journey but projecting nastiness onto others is U.