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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want dh to accept I feel rotten and help?

60 replies

mummyto2boysandagirl3 · 10/02/2014 23:53

Sorry for the moan :(

I have infected mastitis and I'm feeling really rough.

Dh had a go at me for not having dinner ready when he got home from work and I still had to do the school run today despite him telling me in the small hrs he would help. I feel like iv been battered my temp is in the 40s and even with pain killers isn't coming below 38 I am in agony and feel like I just want to go to bed. He is currently snoring his head off "cos he has work in the morning" meanwhile I'm pinned under ds2 and dd who r full of cold (ds2 leaning on infected boob it's so sore I could cry)

He's told me I'm over reacting my boob is red and to get over it!!

I'm more annoyed cos gp said it is probably my stress levels/exhaustion that has caused it (or not drinking enough) I'm so run down bcos he does nothing at all I'm a sahm but the dc have been poorly for months I'm shattered and I really just need to b able to eat and drink and sleep a little (just a couple of hrs) I know he works v v hard but so do I I just don't get paid for it (this isn't a dig at working mums btw u guys have it tough too don't know how u fit in job dc and housework etc) if he is "ill" he gets to go to bed sleep it off and get well and expects to b waited on hand and foot. I just want a bit of understanding that just holding the dc is causing me agony right now :(

Aibu to have a go or am I just feeling sorry for myself?

OP posts:
Gossipmonster · 10/02/2014 23:57

Get one of the kids to lean heavily on his nuts accidentally and when he complains tell him to "get over it" :)

LittleBearPad · 11/02/2014 00:00

YANBU. He sounds an arse. Why didn't he do the school run?

BabylonReturns · 11/02/2014 00:00

YANBU what value does he add to family life?

grobagsforever · 11/02/2014 00:02

Speechless. So sorry OP.

Lora1982 · 11/02/2014 00:02

I empathise with you right now :( me, dp and ds were all ill earlier this week but clearly dp must have been much worse cos he got to saty in bed all day while I struggled on. Shoutinv and assking for help got me nowhere unfortunately. .. and im still fuming days later even though he redeemed himself by helping a bit more the last couple of days

I hope u have something for the mastits, when I had it, it turned into an abcess so do all you can to get yourself better.

I think the worst part is knowing you can handle it on your own and be fine about doing it. But its when you HAVE to do it all alone cos the dp is being a massive arse by sleeping or playing on his computer. Sods. Stay strong

Original poster
mummyto2boysandagirl3 · 11/02/2014 00:06

Right now I'm not sure.

He said he doesn't like the school run cos he feels like a lemon with all the mums so changed his mind and made me do it on an hrs sleep and in agony I didn't really feel right driving which has annoyed me more as the dc were in the car :(

I know I'm feeling moany and miserable but I just want some support so I can get better. Iv got 3 smalls that rely on me

OP posts:
HansieMom · 11/02/2014 00:11

That sounds so painful. Is there anyone who can take care of you? Let him get a swollen infected testicle and see how he likes it.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/02/2014 00:12

You've got an abusive, woman-hating prick for a husband, unfortunately. A man who does no domestic work is abusive - he is demonstrating (because he genuinely believes it's true) that women are inferior to men and that the Man Of The House must always be indulged and obeyed.

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 11/02/2014 00:15

YANBU to be pissed off with him. He is being totally unreasonable. I suggest you tell him you can't get up in the morning and stay in bed. If you've got a temperature of 40oc you are ill and should be in bed. Who gives a toss if he feels like a lemon, plenty of dads do the school run.

Seriously he is being a complete arse and if he sees you getting up and coping, he will continue to think you can cope. Go to bed and stay there and refuse to do anything. He will have to take time off and support you.

I've been where you are and this was my mum's advice. It worked.

Original poster
mummyto2boysandagirl3 · 11/02/2014 00:18

Unfortunately my mum is on holiday otherwise she'd have watched the dc today and done the school run. Pil live couple of hrs away so no one to help (typical it's the wk my mum is away) but I feel that dh should b able to help when he's not at work no?

The dc adore him but I just feel so low I think it'd actually b easier on my own if it weren't for the money issue :(

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 11/02/2014 00:18

He feels like a lemon doing the school run. I'm speechless. What a twat.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 11/02/2014 00:19

He sounds like an arse. YANBU! Make him do the school run and help you out. Who gives a shit if he feels like a lemon, boo bloody hoo.

LittleBearPad · 11/02/2014 00:20

Your mum shouldn't have to step up and cover for your husband. They are his children. He should look after them. Take whathaveiforgittens advice. Go to bed and don't get up, for anything. Time for him to grow up.

Original poster
mummyto2boysandagirl3 · 11/02/2014 00:21

I think that might b wot I'll have to try. I was taken to a&e in an ambulance last yr and he was still telling me I was over reacting (I had a nasty chest infection and was struggling) he is like it with the dc too o they're fine when they're clearly not usually said in the small hrs cos he can't b arsed to drive us to ooh!

OP posts:
ZeroSomeGameThingy · 11/02/2014 00:27

You have my sympathies. Driving with that amount of pain and temperature must be vile.

Is there any reason your horrible DH can't take a couple of days off to look after you? You really do need to be in bed. I should start musing aloud about the GP mentioning hospital if you get any worse.....

tattybogle · 11/02/2014 00:36

"feels like a lemon" Angry on your behalf.

Not all men are like this.

saulaboutme · 11/02/2014 00:45

What an awful way to feel, am so sorry for you op.

by your post I think you're letting him get away with this. You need to DEMAND he helps you!!
are you scared of him? Does he have some power over you? He NEEDS to help you when you're ill.

Crowler · 11/02/2014 05:32

Mastitis is hell on earth. Does he not understand exactly what it entails?

LiberalLibertine · 11/02/2014 06:19

What a total prick.

Seriously op, the bloke doesn't give a shit about you, I would do more to help a friend in such bad shape than he's doing to help you.

I'd give it to him with both barrels, shape up our fuck off, you're on your own anyway!

PollyCazaletWannabe · 11/02/2014 06:38

He sounds appalling and you sound desperate, you poor thing. I'm so sorry.

technosausage · 11/02/2014 06:45

Have you got anything to take for your mastitis? If not make sure you get something today.

LindyHemming · 11/02/2014 06:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladyquinoa · 11/02/2014 06:56

I think I'd ask him to leave. Seriously he pulls his weight or he buggers off he has a family, he needs to take responsibility. Feels like a lemon my arse. He risks everyone's lives (except his) to get the kids to school on your one hours sleep. Utter twat. Go to bed and stay in bed if he is there

Booboostoo · 11/02/2014 06:57

"feels like a lemon"!!! He should feel like an arse.

I don't know what to say OP, just stay in bed and let him sort things out. You are sick, family like is his problem.

ladyquinoa · 11/02/2014 06:58

My DH would never treat me like that, it's not normal