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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be loathed and sad to turn down a job offer

92 replies

BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 08:55

I'm just turning down a job offer for a job I really want, with a great firm, team seem lovely... because I can't afford the child care

Feel very deflated and sorry for the poor chaps that offered me the job any way. Feel like I've wasted their time.

OP posts:
puddingsforsandy · 10/02/2014 12:05

But isn't that what child tax credit is for? It's been a long time for me but when I used private nursery donkey years ago, I received child tax which went on the fees. I did have to top up but help was there.

If you're in London, I don't think the salary is very good but with progression, it may srill be worth it.

Hope everything works out

JeanSeberg · 10/02/2014 12:06

I'd ask your partner to speak to his boss about having flexible hours so he can drop off/pick up a few times a week.

KirstyJC · 10/02/2014 12:25

Don't know what your partner's salary is like, but it would be worth checking here www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/people-advise-others/entitlement-tables/work-and-child/index.htm. It is a rough guide but if you earn 40k between you and have 3 kids in childcare you can still get about £5k per year. You can earn up to 50k and still get just under £1k tax credits.

Original poster
BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 12:29

Dp earns 43k

OP posts:
IrrelevantDiscourse · 10/02/2014 12:37

I don't think women (or whoever has been off work) should see their salary, or the lower salary, as covering the childcare.

If you both work, you pay for childcare so you both can work. Your work is important, it's not just an amusement that only matters if it covers the childcare. It should cover a proportion of the childcare commensurate with what you earn. DP's salary should cover the other proportion.

Thinking that the woman's salary covers the childcare is tantamount to thinking that if a couple have children, they are the woman's responsibility.

Go back to work if you want to and if it can be made to work financially for your family, with both of you sharing the costs.

JeanSeberg · 10/02/2014 12:42

Dp earns 43k

Even more reason to take it! You'd be earning 60K between you, plenty to pay for a few years of childcare.

What's his reaction to this?

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 10/02/2014 12:42

Have you looked into whether one or both of you could get childcare vouchers? DH and I both did for a while which saved us about £1000 a year.

This is a short term hit, and in my view would be worth it if it really is a job that you'd enjoy. There's also your pension to think about.

Retropear · 10/02/2014 12:50

What Jean said.

£43k and another wage is more than enough to pay for childcare,perhaps you need to cut back elsewhere.

They're your children,somebody will have to care for them,you knew that before you had them.If you're a sahp you take a hit,if you go out to work you take a hit.If you don't want to take a hit you save beforehand.

It is temporary.

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 10/02/2014 12:51

Even more reason to take it! You'd be earning 60K between you, plenty to pay for a few years of childcare

That's a big assumption.

Our earnings are roughly that - actually we're probably better off than the op because the earnings are more evenly split meaning we just escape either of us paying higher rate tax.

We have 2dc, one in full time school and one in part time. We are ok ATM with childcare costs - the voucher scheme is a big help. BUT we would struggle massively if there was another under-school age dc thrown into the mix. I'm not sure we could stand the cc cost tbh.

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 10/02/2014 12:53

In fact, just done a rough calculation.

If we were to have another baby now, our cc costs would more than double. We couldn't do it...at least not until both dc were in full time.

JeanSeberg · 10/02/2014 12:56

Interested to see what the OP's husband's take on this is and if it has been made clear that childcare will be her responsibility.

FraidyCat · 10/02/2014 13:08

Thinking that the woman's salary covers the childcare is tantamount to thinking that if a couple have children, they are the woman's responsibility.

There is a choice to be made between both working or one staying home. It would almost always be better for family finances for the lower-earner to be the one who stays home, if that option is chosen. So the cost of childcare is a cost of the lower-earner working, which must be set against the benefit of the lower-earner working. The lower-earner is more likely to be a woman, so more often than not it is correct to set the cost of child-care against the woman's salary.

Original poster
BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 13:47

Our CC cost would be in excess of £1100 a month

That doesn't cover finding some one willing or able to have dc2 between 3-6 5 days a week. There is no child minder etc locally we could use.

Dp said he would cover £500 of the Cc cost

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 10/02/2014 13:49

Dp said he would cover 500 of the Cc cost

Why??? That's less than half! He earns 72% of the total income so should pay the same portion of the childcare.

manchestermummy · 10/02/2014 13:51

I posted a very similar thread not so long ago. It was more than just the extra childcare costs that stopped me accepting the offer: it just wasn't right. Of course DH would have contributed some of the extra cost - that's the way we do things - but ultimately I wanted it to be worth my while (my current position is) and it wasn't.

I was very down about it all, and still am a bit.

So have some Cake and a Brew and know that you can't win them all.

Steben · 10/02/2014 13:56

Sometimes it just isn't worth it - when I turned down a position it wasn't just child are costs it was the pick ups drop offs that I couldn't feasibly work out. It's gutting but at the same time if it's not right it's not right.

Original poster
BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 14:07

It's both the logistics and the money

I just feel gutted. I suppose I should apply around and find some thing more part time.

Fyi the salary wasn't disclosed till the interview

OP posts:
MintTeaForMe · 10/02/2014 14:26

Can't work out whether you do actually want the job or not OP. Your original post says you feel gutted for the company for turning the offer down - then later on you say they're taking the piss by offering you 17k - and then you say it would be a logistical nightmare to have a job anyway.
If what you're actually saying is that you'd like your dream job to come with a massive salary AND a mil to help out with childcare I would say yep, we'd all quite like that - but it's not going to be handed to you on a plate. Why don't you take the position, focus your energies on raising your earnings by doing a great job (you say 17k is a basic salary), and see the short term pain as an investment in your career?
FWIW I work full time and I pay to work. But actually my partner earns more than me, wants to support me and makes it possible for me to work by contributing his fair share to our childcare costs.
Why is your dp only offering five hundred quid? They're his children too.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/02/2014 14:33

Dp said he would cover £500 of the Cc cost

Well, that's big of him Hmm. Are they not his kids too? You need to pool your income and look at the childcare cost as just another household cost. The way you put it, it sounds like he doesn't want you to work as it'll impact on his life too much.

I think you should take the job and look for a childminder. They must want you as they're willing to increase the salary to get you - this opportunity might not come up again. Stick with it and your salary will go up in the next few years, while your CC fees should drop.

Sallycinnamum · 10/02/2014 14:37

OP, almost my whole salary goes on childcare but in 2 years time my youngest will be at school so the costs will go down and my salary will go up.

The job market is absolutely brutal and will continue to be for a long time yet. I have 15 years experience in my field and it's taken 6 months for me to find a new job after my contract ended last year.

At some interviews there were 10 other candidates. This was unheard of five years ago. I would've just walked into another job, no problem.

Please think long and hard about turning this job down. It's depressing spending so much on childcare but it won't be forever.

minibmw2010 · 10/02/2014 14:41

I think you need to consider the long term. Eventually all children will be in school and you'll be wishing you'd taken the job. I think it's a fact of life (sadly) that a lot of Mums now work to keep their kids in Nursery, and that the money only becomes available once those costs are gone. It's not great, it's bloody unfair frankly, but it's just the way it seems to be right now. I think unless you were actually out of pocket after your work and costs, then you should take it.

Hissy · 10/02/2014 14:42

Your 'D' P needs a boot up the arse tbh!

He needs either to support you by working out a way to do his fair share, or paying proportionately his fair share of the childcare bill.

Entitled To.com may help you see if you'd be entitled to CTC to help with costs, but he needs to man the fuck up and do his bit.

LucyLasticBand · 10/02/2014 17:01

take it op,
you know you want to,
And they offered you more!
that's good.

you can always resign after 6 months trial.

Laquitar · 10/02/2014 19:24

I thought you are divorced for a minute. Why does he pay 500???
Do you buy seperate loaf of bread and each pays for x slices eaten?

The interesting and positive thing though is that they offered you an extra 1K.

HappySeven · 10/02/2014 20:22

Have you looked at the childcare vouchers you can get? If you both did it you can have £486 straight from your salary without having to pay tax or NI on it.

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