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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be loathed and sad to turn down a job offer

92 replies

BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 08:55

I'm just turning down a job offer for a job I really want, with a great firm, team seem lovely... because I can't afford the child care

Feel very deflated and sorry for the poor chaps that offered me the job any way. Feel like I've wasted their time.

OP posts:

pussycatdoll · 10/02/2014 10:34

Really hope you haven't already turned it down

If you have ring them back

Dream jobs don't often come up

Its very shortsighted to turn it down just because of childcare

TheArticFunky · 10/02/2014 10:34

It's disappointing. I was in this situation a few years back. I applied for a job which was advertised as being £16k per annum for a 3 day week. It turns out that it was £16k pro rata which was completely ludicrous. The train fare and childcare bill was higher than the wages and as dh's salary was already eaten up by the mortgage and household expenses I couldn't get the figures to add up. In my situation I think I got a lucky escape as they were taking the mickey with that salary.

Pigsmummy · 10/02/2014 10:35

YABU not to have looked at childcare costs vs salary before going through the application process.

If you could get childcare vouchers would it help? My and DH use them and it's really helped.

TheArticFunky · 10/02/2014 10:36

It isn't shortsighted if taking the job will mean their outgoings are higher than their incomings.

The OP hasn't said what the situation is with her partners income so it's difficult to comment without knowing their full financial situation.

LucyLasticBand · 10/02/2014 10:38

i have had to give up jobs that just didnt pay after childcare.

i regret one that didnt pay much but i was shortsighted.
eventually I got another, when my situation was different. i am sure you situaiton will change. all hope is not lost.

JeanSeberg · 10/02/2014 10:41

You should definitely take it.

I was in a similar position many years ago - 3 children in full-time childcare at one point - therefore massive childcare costs. However, I'm assuming you have a partner (apologies if not) and childcare is a shared cost so for the sake of maintaining your career and future prospects, you need to look at the long-term picture.

You might not get another chance like this again.

tellmeonasunday · 10/02/2014 10:41

Take it. Think of the childcare as a cost to come out of the next 30 years of work, not just these few years.

Chunderella · 10/02/2014 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonelynessie · 10/02/2014 11:06

I have just accepted a really good job, too good to turn down type of job. The childcare will be more than I earn, but it's not forever, I'm lucky that I have a very supportive partner and actually, I want to work. I have been trying to get a job for 4 years now and I know this opportunity won't come round again. The opportunities for our future are now amazing, all because I can have a great career. Childcare fees are not forever.

PerpendicularVince · 10/02/2014 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 10/02/2014 11:14

I think I earned about £5 a week when I had 2 DCs in FT childcare
It paid off though, If I had stayed out of work until they were in school, I would not be in the position I am now IYSWIM

Tiredemma · 10/02/2014 11:18

My friend 'takes home' about £20 a week after childcare- for a very stressful, demanding job- but she saw the long term benefits.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 10/02/2014 11:18

It isn't necessarily short sighted to turn it down. Op I get what you mean. I'm sorry.

There's always people who suggest sucking it up presumably because they had to and misery loves company. If she says it isn't affordable, maybe support and commiserate. Sometimes the op is right. It just doesn't work.

flowery · 10/02/2014 11:21

If it would "consume your whole wage" as opposed to leaving you with a major deficit, then take the job.

Oblomov · 10/02/2014 11:22

I agree with everyone. OP please don't be shortsighted.
Is this almost a dream job OP? Your OP made it sound so.

gnushoes · 10/02/2014 11:24

nanny or nanny share?

justtoomessy · 10/02/2014 11:25

Take the job as I expect your company will do childcare vouchers reducing the bill you think you are going to pay plus in a few years you'll childcare bill drop and your pay should have gone up.

Better to take this job now than leave it a few years when you'll have been out of the workforce even longer.

JeanSeberg · 10/02/2014 11:25

There's always people who suggest sucking it up presumably because they had to and misery loves company

I don't get your point or why taking a short-term hit equates to misery loving company.

Dahlen · 10/02/2014 11:27

IF you can find any way of making it work - even if it means running your household at a loss for a while - I'd stick it out. It will be worth it when you come out the other side.

I appreciate that if running at a loss means being unable to afford to eat this isn't really an option, but if it means struggling but getting by, try.

Congratulations on being offered the position anyway.

Gladvent · 10/02/2014 11:27

Tell them you'd love to accept but not at that salary as your skills and experience are worth more.

ShedWood · 10/02/2014 11:41

I took a job a couple of years ago that after childcare meant my take home was practically £0.

Yes, it was difficult, and no not everyone has a partner whose salary can cover mortgage, bills and other expenses, but it was so worth it for me.

Now my kids are in school and the childcare costs have dropped dramatically, and more improtantly I have a great job which I simply wouldn't be qualified to do now if I'd spent another couple of years at home.

Childcare vouchers, swopping favours with friends (I used to help in a friend's bar in the evening in exchange for her watching my kids in the day time) using your holiday separately from your partners to cover school holidays (dull, but do-able) and you'll be so busy the first year will fly by.

Think about whether this is just a job, or a future career as if it's just a job then it needs to cover the bills, but if it's your future career then it's probably worth the sacrifice today to have a potentially decades long career.

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 11:47

I've emailed and said I have done the figured and I would be worse off to accept the job. He's offered me another 1k on top basic and says he expects I will earn more in time. I've asked what he would expect me to be earning in a year and if he would consider flexible time until September.

Imo they are taking the piss offering 17k for a FT job 9 - 5.30 but it's a sales job in an industry I like and the team are lovely and flexible and local to me.

I so wish I could find some one (like MIL) to help a day a week etc but it's not an option.

I would have all 3 at different settings and x urgently DP would be unable to help regards pick up and drop offs so I'm struggling to see how I can humanly do it all.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 10/02/2014 11:51

Is it 17K basic with commission/bonus on top?

Why can't your partner help out with pick up and drop offs?

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 11:54

Because he works long hours and has an hour commute

OP posts:

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 10/02/2014 11:55

No commission but he says pay increase with performance so 17k would be my starting salary

OP posts:

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