Well I do have a child and it is a Tuesday afternoon...

[BridgetJonesPants25]

A friend invited me to meet her tomorrow afternoon as she is off work.

I was quite happy to get the invite as I haven't seen her in some time. Explained I would (obviously) have DD with me and did she fancy a late lunch?

I got a response saying she would rather just meet for a couple of glasses of wine (it is at 2pm). I have no problem having a glass of wine or 2 with food but it really doesn't sit too comfortably with me to just go a meet to share a bottle of wine. It means taking my DD somewhere strapping her into a highchair and then expect her to sit there for a couple of hours with a colouring book or jigsaw. She 2.5 and to be honest it'll be bloody boring for her.

Have replied saying that it would be a bit boring for DD but I know a place we could get coffee close to where I was going to meeting her, it has a play corner for the kids which means we could catch up (like she wants) and DD can play. Win, win?

No apparently not. She has replied with "forget it".

I get that my friend doesn't have children and her idea of fun isn't going to soft play or going to the local farm so I wouldn't suggest it. AIBU to be pissed that she doesn't recognise that if she wants to meet during the week I will have DD with me and it isn't fair to expect my DD to sit quietly while I tuck into a bottle of wine chatting to my friend.

I am pretty pissed off that she neglects to accept that my life has changed. I can't do the things she wants me to do all the time. If she had sent a text saying "fancy a girly night out" I would have happily arranged for my Mum to babysit one night.

WIBU to just do as she said and "forget it" because I am annoyed or should I really go back and say something like "how about I sort a babysitter for 2-3 weeks time and we go out for a proper catch up?"

Also AIBU to not want to take my DD to the pub? (If I am I still wont change my mind to be honest but would be good to know)

[BalloonSlayer]

Reading the first post the thing that jumped out at me that she didn't want lunch, she didn't want coffee, she didn't want cake, she just HAD to have a couple of glasses of wine, nothing else would do.

Later she has made it clear that what she wants (wine) is much more important than what you want or what your DD wants.

And now she's recommending your alcoholic ex as a suitable babysitter.

Says a lot about her relationship with alcohol IMO.

[BridgetJonesPants25]

Apparently the post office won't let you send Anthrax in the post.

Well now that's just rude

Topaz - That's actually interesting. Do you know it never even crossed my mind but the truth is they do cross paths and she has always claimed to ignore him as she was my friend not his.

Things have been really bad with me ExH recently. I allowed contact for a period last year (it was always supervised by me). Through various things that happened the contact stopped however the main reason was because he was working and I asked if he would start to contribute financially towards DD. He didn't want to and basically said he wasn't paying for our DD because he didn't want anything to do with her, didn't love her etc etc. Heard it all before so wasn't a surprise but just a shame as I had thought contact had seemed to be going ok. He made it clear through various texts that the visitation was about me not DD (even though I had left 2 years previous, divorced him, can't stand him). Anyway I finally went down the route of CMS and there has been alot of abuse and hassle to the point I wished I hadn't made the claim and have considered cancelling it.

His Mum is coming round later so I might check whether or not he is still working, if he isn't that would certainly prove that she has at least spoken to him to know he is no longer in work...

Sorry that's just a big ramble really. Not particularly sure it even makes any sense.

[BridgetJonesPants25]

Oh actually his Mum should be here any minute. Will soon find out.

[Lj8893]

Wow she sounds like a self absorbed bitch!!!

[Jux]

I would text her back so that she wasn't thinking that your silence represented shame at your bad behaviour. Something very simple like "dd's bad behaviour pales into insignificance beside yours".

[BridgetJonesPants25]

ExMIL has been dragged off to DDs bedroom.

Apparently ExH is signed off just now Topaz I think you may be right that she has been speaking to him.

If she has then that just cements the fact that she is a shitty selfish inconsiderate friend.

[rookiemater]

I think the return text "I'm sorry you feel that way," works well in this situation as yes you are sorry that she is choosing to feel and behave like a self-centred, childish madam.


Although I do think it's weird that she is even thinking about who should be looking after your DD - what on earth has it got to do with her, and feel that topaz could well be right that she's in touch with your ex.

[BridgetJonesPants25]

If she is in touch with my ex I don't want either of them having the satisfaction of me retaliating. I don't respond to his messages so I think I will treat her with the same silence.

[Clutterbugsmum]

I know you not going to reply but if you did I'd be inclined to say why would I get some one to look after my 2.5dd and go out to meet an adult you is behaving like one. Or I think you need to see a doctor as you seem to be suffering from 'It's all about me' itis.

I'm betting every one you used to go out with her, have dropped her and she thought you be a soft touch.

Why can she only spare you 2 hours anyway, I wouldn't go anywhere that's going to take me an hour to get there. By the time you taken you coat off it be time to come home again.

[CheerfulYank]

Ugh! When I read the first message I thought she was just being silly. I had a friend like that. When DS was a baby she couldn't understand why I couldn't be out with him at 9 or 10 because "he'd just sleep in his stroller wouldn't he?" Of course now that she has children she can't do anything ever

But now I just think she's a selfish bitch and you're well rid.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

How hideous is she?!

I would be inclined to text back 'when you become a less ignorant, selfish bitch let me know, until then fuck the fuck off'.

Please delete her number.

[BridgetJonesPants25]

ExMIL has gone. She has heavily implied that ExH is in a relationship with someone I know I hate it when people do that. Just spit it out if you have something to say...

Anyway... You don't think it could be my friend? May explain why she suddenly wanted to meet up, why she has engineered an issue where there really wasn't one, the mention of my Ex in her text and the fact she seemed to know he wasn't working?

Maybe I am now just imagining things because my mind is already in overdrive.

[FixItUpChappie]

I couldn't help myself - I'd text her back that she can go fuck herself.

I'm all confrontational like that.

Sorry this has happened OP - It must be very upsetting. At least you know your "friend", is nothing of the sort.

[FixItUpChappie]

Oh well....I see that she has some involvement with your ExH - never mind the confrontational then.....ExH's come with enough issues.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

She has heavily implied that ExH is in a relationship with someone I know

Hmm...yes I suspect it is her. How chuffed would you have been if you'd taken the bus over to find that out?

[BridgetJonesPants25]

Funky I honestly think I would of burst out laughing. If she does happen to be with him then good luck to her she's going to need it.

It may sound horrible but from my point of view if a friend can get together with your ex knowing exactly the kind of man he is. What sort of husband he was, what kind of father he is then she has it coming. She'll learn. I certainly won't be there when it all falls apart though.

[rookiemater]

Well done OP, you are incredibly mature - your DD is lucky to have you.

[Jux]

Oh yes. In that light, silence is definitely the better part of valour!

Good luck op. hope the two nasty buggers dance off into the sunset together. You deserve far far better.

[BridgetJonesPants25]

Thank you

[MrsKoala]

Oh dear, i was going to suggest that may be an option earlier, but thought better of it.

My exBF started seeing my exH and before i knew, inexplicably to me, turned up to my birthday party started slagging off my outfit, tried to get everyone to leave and go somewhere else with her. It was most strange and i didn't understand till it emerged she'd been seeing exH and was trying to cause an argument to retrospectively justify why she was right to do so.

Pathetic really. No wonder she needs so much wine! Leave her to him.

[BridgetJonesPants25]

I've just got off the phone to the other friend I mentioned up thread. She has told me that a few friends had suspected something was maybe going on as she had been dropping him into conversations the last couple of months. Part of the reason alongside other things my friends have pulled back from her

She was very apologetic and said the only reason nobody said anything was they couldn't be sure.

It is certainly looking likely that she is in fact seeing my ExH or at the very least they have become close friends.

The sad thing is, if she had told me before today I wouldn't have been happy about it and still would have felt betrayed and probably would have pulled back on the friendship (who wouldn't?) But I also would have made it clear that my door is open to her if she needs me. Might make me a mug or a push over but I know more than anyone what he is capable of. She is walking in with her eyes wide open (although I suspect he has convinced her he is the injured party) but if the shit hit the fan I would have wanted her to know she still had someone in her corner.

The fact she has lied and said the things she has i.e referring to my DD as plus 1 and suggesting I should re-establish contact with him is unforgivable. I wouldn't wish what I went through with him on my worst enemy but knowing what she knows she can't blame anyone but herself if it goes pear shaped. And unfortunately now she has also isolated the only people who actually did care enough about her to have her back.

I'm not really angry now, I just kind of feel sorry for her. She has got herself into one sorry mess if she is involved with him. I just hope for her sake she get's out before it's too late to remain unscathed.

[Only1scoop]

Bridge....sounds like they deserve each other.
Awful

[SarahAndFuck]

What she has done is establish three things.

1. She doesn't care about you or your friendship with her.
   
2. She doesn't care about your daughter, not as the daughter of her friend or the daughter of her new boyfriend.
   
3. She doesn't have either your or your daughter's best interests at heart.
   

What she does have, is an agenda. Either one that she's supporting your ex in or one that she's using to ingratiate herself with him.

Either way, she's no loss to you if you decide to cut her out of your life.

I wouldn't reply to her latest text, although I would be tempted to. Let it go and let her go, because she's going to bring you nothing but trouble if you keep engaging with her.