To expect reasonable table manners from DSD 7

[LabRat72]

My stepdaughter comes to us every other weekend. She's generally a very good girl, bit loud but that's to be expected. AIBU to ask and expect that she has decent table manners? Every mealtime I have to remind her to use her knife & fork (she'd eat with her fingers if I let her, obv things that are meant to be eaten with fingers are allowed!), I also ask her to not start eating till everyone is sat down & not to eat with her mouth open or talk (too much) with her mouth full. I also have to ask her to not just jump down from the table as soon as she's finished & to stay seated till dinner has 'gone down' a bit. DH says I'm expecting too much. He's happy for her to eat mainly with her fingers & to wander about during & straight after the meal. Am I expecting too much?

I know of adults who have similar table manners to your stepdaughter!It's frustrating in kids, but unacceptable in adults. I would have similar expectations to you in terms of table manners, and know of lots of children who do have these good manners. I also know of many who do not, so I think it's just a case of parenting choices (choose your battles?). Not sure there's much you can do about it, you are probs wasting your time trying to teach her, as you're not her main carer.

Re the mouth open thing, she's actually a million times better with this than she was 2 years ago when we first met, and yesterday, completely unprompted by me, she said 'I eat with my mouth shut now don't i? I'm glad I do because when I see * (her friend), he eats with his mouth open & I don't like looking at it'. She said that to her dad when they went swimming (I was asleep
in bed after a night shift) so the moaning guidance appears to be going in!
She's generally a very good little girl & really does want to please. She'll be fine, I don't bully her into behaving & we get on well, I just want her to have good manners that's all.