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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband threw the cat...

100 replies

fourcorneredcircle · 08/02/2014 20:18

My husband, who has until this day (eight years in) been generally calm and loving in a fit of rage threw the cat who he was holding on to the floor. The cat had done nothing wrong and my husband, was in fact, angry at me. The cat is fine and my husband is mortified and absolutely sorry - head in hands, "what have I done" etc.
I just can't help thinking about all of the times I've heard (or even said) if they can do it to an animal, they can do it to a person.

AIBU to be completely confused about how to feel towards him? Part of me feels anger, part of me feels apathy (towards him, not what he did) and part of me feels that I should, as there appears to be no lasting damage, move on.

OP posts:
ComposHat · 08/02/2014 23:54

Or he waa knackered hungry and hungover and just wanted a bit of peace. But he got TOLD to apologise ''fucking now'. In the circumstances I think putting the cat down a bit sharply and walking out is hardly unusual.

MyBaby1day · 09/02/2014 00:21

DISGUSTING! Angry. I would be having bloomin words with him or suggesting he moves out, I hate animals being hurt.

ShitOnAStick · 09/02/2014 00:23

Right, he chucked the cat out of his arms and ignored your son. Not great behaviour, unacceptable to chuck the poor cat but he sounds a bit stressed and being told to do something "fucking now" isn't nice op.
I think you're making a big deal out of this. He's remorseful and upset he threw the cat, cat is fine. He's never done anything like it before. Move on.

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2014 00:24

It's OK mybaby, the opening post said 'The cat is fine' Smile

ShitOnAStick · 09/02/2014 00:25

You should probably try and find out why he's stressed though, it was an over reaction and it can't happen again.

ComposHat · 09/02/2014 00:28

mybaby he put the cat doen a bit roughly, he didn't throw it up the wall full force.

I am cat daft but that isn't going to hurt a cat.

JohnCusacksWife · 09/02/2014 00:31

What is it with MN that the minute a DH does something out of character they must be having an affair? He was probably just tired/hungover/grumpy/all of the above and lost his temper when you had a go....

It doesn't sound like he actually "threw the cat". Sounds like a massive over reaction to me....

snugglesnook · 09/02/2014 00:41

One of the questions in the police DV assessment is about hurting animals. It seems strange but maybe it's not.

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2014 00:47

He didn't hurt the cat snugglesnook.

Some men who commit very violent offences have a history of starting out on hurting animals, but that doesn't mean anyone who hurts an animal is going to go on to behave violently elsewhere.

It didn't sound as though any violence was used to me anyway.

RonaldMcDonald · 09/02/2014 00:58

My father used to beat our animals when we were children. Somehow it seemed rather worse than everything else he did.
I am so sorry to read this OP, hope you are okay

oldgrandmama · 09/02/2014 00:59

Keep the cat and LTB.

redbinneo · 09/02/2014 01:02

" a week of outdoor pursuits".
Brokeback Mountain" springs to mind.
Could be just a hangover though.

Custardo · 09/02/2014 01:11

ffs he didn't "throw the cat"

this is a total non issue

he was a bit of a dick - tired , hungry, hungover

can understand your upset at an argument

but this is bullshit

shoved the cat a bit harder than necessary - now hes all " oooh i must goto anger management"

for fucks sake

is it drama llama all the time at your place or what

SinisterBuggyMonth · 09/02/2014 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComposHat · 09/02/2014 01:36

NO CATS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS THREAD.

It is a thread about a couple being mildly ratty with each other. The op was equally at fault for being rude and controlling.

But it is a total non issue not the antics of an evil cat basher.

Mimishimi · 09/02/2014 04:34

I don't know. I had two elderly great-aunts who lived with their brother in a large old farmhouse in Victoria, Australia. They loved cats and he didn't. There were hundreds of cats everywhere, breeding like mad. His one rule was that apart from one or two domesticated ones, they were not allowed near the main house. My brothers and I were gob-smacked when we visited them and he would hook any one of them that was on the verandah up onto his foot and then kick it as far as he could. They would go sailing through the air with a yowl! Of course, he never kicked them hard in the ribs so that it hurt them and they always landed on their feet. He was so impressive, it was like he was hitting sixes. If your DH just pushed the cat aside rather than slamming it down, I'd probably forgive him.

PlainBrownEnvelope · 09/02/2014 04:58

Maybe he's a mass murderer and he's reversing into harming pets (like a psychopathic Benjamin Button). In fact, I'm pretty sure that's what happened. You should google missing person reports for the area where he went on holiday.

BuzzardBird · 09/02/2014 05:05

Totally agree Grin

sykadelic15 · 09/02/2014 06:42

From just your first page explanation of: "Well, it was more forceful that a put down, but it wasn't a full on hulk hurl if that makes sense? The cat was lying in his arms on her back and he picked her up, turned her over and threw her off to the right. The cat was sprawled on the floor (although she did initially land on her feet) and looked confused (if a cat can look confused?)"

He didn't "hurt" the cat and the suggestions of anger management are utterly ridiculous. Does sound like he needs some stress relief though. If you said he literally thew the cat, or kicked it, or something else equally horrifying it'd be a different matter.

I did something similar when my new puppy (7 or 8 week old, not the same one as mentioned above) bit me on the face. I pushed her roughly onto the floor. I was furious (and sore). She's never bitten me since of course... just to state that.

Coumarin · 09/02/2014 07:00

Such an overreaction.

How much have you gone on at him, for him to be offering to go to anger management over putting the cat down slightly less gently than usual? Confused

Get some perspective.

Coumarin · 09/02/2014 07:00

Because from your description that doesn't sound like a throw to me.

RudolphLovesoftplay · 09/02/2014 07:01

My gut instinct says he was tired and grouchy, we all get like that. Talk about blowing out of proportion!

Logg1e · 09/02/2014 07:11

I think the OP's "fucking do it now" command is out of order. I would never stand for that from my partner,

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 09/02/2014 07:28

Sounds like you both have issues

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 09/02/2014 07:32

This seems like a serious overreaction.

I have two cats and when they're struggling against you because they're trying to get down, it's often easier to "throw" them a little bit so you don't get scratched in a flurry of claws. It doesn't hurt them. It sets them "free" as painlessly as possible for both parties. I think you massively overreacted there - if he had chucked the cat hard against the wall or the floor, then yes, but not just chucking it down a bit roughly.

No, he shouldn't have ignored your DS, but haven't you ever just been tired or hungover after a night out or holiday and just wanted to be alone to sleep? I think a 16 year old is capable of understanding that dad's tired and not really in the mood for talking. Yes, he shouldn't have totally blanked him, but it's not the end of the world.