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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party dress hubby and lie ins!

81 replies

CookieDoughKid · 08/02/2014 13:32

Hubby took kids out this morning. Which was fab as I could have lie in without having to get up to get kids up for breakfast etc. Discovered that hubby let my 6yo wear her brand new designer party dress made of silk to go BIKE riding. It's a beautiful dress gifted by a friend, the kind you wear for special occasions. Grrr!! Would I be unreasonable to make a deal out of this?

OP posts:
rach6122 · 08/02/2014 15:58

What joinyourplayfellows says

NoodleOodle · 08/02/2014 16:06

I would feel frustrated. Like I would be making myself into the 'enemy' or the 'bad guy' if I made a fuss, but that I would want to make a fuss because it would seem unreasonable to me to have found the dress suitable for a bike ride. I would probably sigh, feel a bit caught in a catch 22 situation, ask that the dress be reserved for 'special occasions' in future, but bite my tongue over anything stronger I might want to say as it wouldn't achieve anything positive.

perplexedpirate · 08/02/2014 16:30

I can't see what this has to do with gender roles. If I went out with DS, in whatever clothes, and DH started whining about me having chosen wrongly, I'd be furious.
They had a lovely time, OP got her lie in.
So the husband put the DD in something the OP wouldn't - big whoop.

VikingVagine · 08/02/2014 16:50

I for one haven't said anything about gender roles. When agreeing with the first two posters I meant I couldn't see what the harm was in the DD wearing a party dress to the park.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 08/02/2014 16:54

Tbh id have said "I bet HE feels fabulous" about a boy cycling round in something he loved that he had chosen himself.

HadABadDay2014 · 08/02/2014 17:21

What was worn with the dress.

Going mad because she was too cold and would struggle to ride the bike fair enough, but to go bad at a dress which really hasn't got a use than yabu.

Unless you think he is punishing you for having a lie in.

clam · 08/02/2014 17:55

Well he didn't "give" her a lie-in, for a start.
And the rest of what Playfellows and co said.

sugarlevel · 08/02/2014 18:03

He shouldn't have let her wear the dress. You are right to pull him up on it.

Just to prove a point why don't you wear his best suit to do the gardening....

My husband is incapable of choosing clothes for our DC to wear. I mean he actually stresses out about it. My husband runs a company with 500 employees and he cannot choose kids clothes (I'm not a total walkover, he can iron his own shirt and do the washing etc).

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 08/02/2014 20:08

Another one who thinks your DH is old enough to know better/have common sense. And ruined your lie in.

But, I wouldn't make too much of it with him either.

BiddyPop · 08/02/2014 21:10

I was about 8, DM was in bd sick on a Sunday (could have been. Morning sickness, yet again), and DF let me go farming for the 1st time. He mad me wear willies and my anorak, not good winter wool coat. But Feb they were mck spreading. So I wore my good Sunday outfit of kilt, cream Aran jumper and cream fair isle tights.

I think DF was in the dog house that night, but I went farming with neighbours for more than a decade after. A love was born. Poor dad....he's still constantly in trouble more than 3 decdes on....

Scuse any typos...full bel wine gone here, and all by myself as DH still abroad another week...god I am growing to hate his trips

Ihatepeas · 08/02/2014 21:16

What joinyourplayfellows said

BiddyPop · 08/02/2014 21:17

In my case, literally, shit happens. But all are still alive to laugh about it. I did need new tights (mothercare, so only from business trips to London in 80s, rare enough). But I learned about tractors, hard work, friendship, and my DFs love for me as a person, as a result of that day!!

mellicauli · 08/02/2014 21:24

The price paid for not shouldering 100% of the burden is not having 100% control. I don't think that's 1950s thinking. I think that's the true meaning of sharing.

Original poster
CookieDoughKid · 08/02/2014 21:31

Hi everyone, I didn't realise this post would be so popular! Thanks for all your input, I enjoyed them.

So I did raise the dress with my dh but did it light heartedly. To which he did apologise but didn't really give any explanation. I think it was more the 'just trying to get em out the door!!' Vs any intelligence behind the dress choice (of which their was none obviously).

I was grateful for a lie in but feel I need to make my daughter realise that some special items really are for special occasions!!

FWIW, I grew up in a poor family so I used to really treasure dresses and anything beautiful.. Even a notebook I used to use every last page, because I'd get them so rarely. I feel I suffer from a 1st world problem because my dcs are inundated with many many beautiful things and they open every pack of colouring pens but without any appreciation of consuming them all before opening a new pack. Perhaps aged 6 is too young to realise?

OP posts:
Doasbedoneby · 08/02/2014 21:31

Ah, but if the DH is berated for letting his DD choose her own clothes, it's teaching her that she can't choose for herself.

I think she'll end up in therapy.

I must admit my DD has been out on her bike dressed as Cinderella, but she has turned out to be a bank robber.

I think your DH is subtly showing your DD that clothes and fashion are a work of the Patriarchy and by casting aside conventions and wearing what she wants it is empowering her to be a feminist.

Best be on the safe side and leave him though.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 08/02/2014 21:31

this would annoy me hugely but where the hell has 'attitude to little girls' and 'stupidity issues' come from? what a massive load of bollocks, anyone thinking they can judge a person's character to that extent from a post on a forum... gah.

Original poster
CookieDoughKid · 08/02/2014 21:32

The dress was ruined inevitably :(

OP posts:
perplexedpirate · 09/02/2014 12:15

Amazingly, Viking, not every post is addressed to you personally.

Shock
IshouldhavemarriedEwanMcGregor · 09/02/2014 12:19

YABU for using the words 'hubby' and 'gifted'. It's 'husband' and 'gave'.

As you were.

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/02/2014 12:30

mellicauli has it right with this

"The price paid for not shouldering 100% of the burden is not having 100% control. I don't think that's 1950s thinking. I think that's the true meaning of sharing."

You either trust him to parent or you don't.

MuddlingMackem · 09/02/2014 12:47

YANBU. I'd be annoyed too.

It's a shame the dress was ruined. However, when your daughter gets upset because she can't wear the dress to a party, send her to your DH to whine. If he's going to make the stupid mistakes let him deal with the fallout. Perhaps then he will make more sensible decisions in future if the fallout is going to be his problem.

Also, she may make more sensible clothing decisions herself now that she's seen the consequences.

SelectAUserName · 09/02/2014 13:26

"Also, she may make more sensible clothing decisions herself now that she's seen the consequences."

She's SIX. Life should be about dressing up as a princess/pirate/dragon/whatever when you're six. That's why six-year-olds have parents, to make the judgements and decisions that children aren't capable of making at that age. If a father is abdicating his responsibility to make those judgements and decisions, either because he can't face dealing with the fall-out (if child is a tantrumy sort) or because he doesn't have the basic common sense to say "no dear, that's a party dress not a cycling outfit, let's put your trousers on today" I think that's likely to have more "consequences" as the child grows up.

Writerwannabe83 · 09/02/2014 13:28

Are some men really this dumb??
Do their brains really not function?

I'd feel beyond exasperated if my DH did this..... Hmm

pinkyredrose · 09/02/2014 13:48

ishould how fucking passive aggressive of you!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 09/02/2014 13:56

selectausername absolutely spot on.

I had a glass of wine with yesterday's lunch.
Maybe I should have allowed 3 yo DS have the "same as mummy" when asked what he wanted to drink. And he could make a better choice next time after recovering from alcohol poisoning.
No. Because that would be stupid.

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