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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU starting a masters at 8 months pregnant?

96 replies

oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 07:03

I have just found out I'm pregnant and will be 8 months when starting my masters. I dont want to defer as its a very competitive course for places. Can the university make me quit or is it my decision if I choose to carry on and do it?

OP posts:
Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 08:55

I only found out I was on the masters and pregnant this week! Argh so crazy.Why does everything happen at once?!?

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 08/02/2014 08:56

Do you have time to postpone the abortion decision for a few more days? I fully support your right to make this choice, and have made it myself, but in this case I wonder whether you shouldn't take a bit of time to discuss things directly with your university. If they are positive about defering this might be another alternative.

JanePurdy · 08/02/2014 09:00

Leaving aside the masters, do you want another baby?

Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 09:05

I want more children, and I really want the masters. It states no deferrals all over the site, and its extremely competitive to get on. Only 1 in 4/5 make it so its an opportunity I really dont want to miss.

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paxtecum · 08/02/2014 09:18

Ohhh love. Life is so odd at times.

To go straight back on the course immediately after giving birth is really the same as going back to work.

Although sheer, grim determination could get you to Uni and get the work done, your physical and/or mental health could suffer.

Did you and your DH consider your family to be complete?

If you keep the baby but end up giving up the course or not getting such a good result, you could subconsciously resent that child.

I'm trying to think of something positive to write about having two children, a new born and going straight back to Uni the day after giving birth and I can't think of anything!

Best wishes to you whatever you decide.

paxtecum · 08/02/2014 09:19

Cross post.

EirikurNoromaour · 08/02/2014 10:00

Honestly, I couldn't have done what you are thinking of doing. The MA is very intense, academically and emotionally. It would have just been impossible for me with a new baby. I think you are going to have to choose one or the other.

Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 10:08

I wont be the babys carer though as dh will be. If I do the degree without the baby I am working 20 hrs, dh 40, with the 2 children and the masters which I think will be just as hard.

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EirikurNoromaour · 08/02/2014 10:13

You plan to work 20 hours while you do the masters?
Sorry, I don't know what to say. You're either superwoman or not prepared for this at all.

Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 10:18

Lots of people I know have qualified working 20 hours on the BA/MA. I was working in Social Services so know a lot of Social Workers.

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callamia · 08/02/2014 10:28

Can you start and then interrupt? This isn't really the same as a deferral, and happens frequently when students have health issues (as well as pregnancy).

It would give you time out, but not forfeit your place on the MA.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 08/02/2014 10:28

They can't stop you from accepting the course but I would give some serious thought to whether you would be able to fulfill your learning contract and complete the programme on time & to the best of your ability. I work in the HE sector & in my 10 years there I have never met a pregnant woman who was able to complete on time without applying for extensions etc.

It can be done but you have to be extremely focussed and have a good support network behind you as you will be spending a lot of time away from your baby. Think about what you would do if you or your child are sick, 9 am starts or 6pm lectures. You don't know what kind of pregnancy you will have, how your or the baby's health will be after birth. Also, don't underestimate how tired you will be so I would advise you to think & plan carefully if you decide to go ahead.

. Think carefully before committing such a huge sum of money for a year, can you not do it part time over 2 years? Atleast you wont be under such huge pressure, make sure that you graduate with a decent mark.

Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 10:32

With dd1 I was back in placement and all lectures straight away and Im still in my 20s, and have been lucky having very easy pregnancies and births. With dd1 I was also at work 22 hours a week a couple of months after birth on top of all that. Im really not afraid of hard work. I had no extensions and got a 2.1

I have took 4 days off with my children since the first was born 6 years ago and I work 40-50 hours +.

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Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 10:33

*taken!

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EirikurNoromaour · 08/02/2014 11:06

Really? I don't know anyone who works and has kids on my MA. The only people who manage to work are child free. Actually no there is one woman whose DS is 12 and she works one evening a week for about 3 hours.

I'm not trying to be a party pooper and honestly, if you have an incredibly supportive DH, a cleaner and some extremely well behaved kids you might be able to hold down a job, but I can't see where you would even fit 20 hours in plus the MA as it's more or less 40 hours. If I had tried that I would have had a nervous breakdown.

Booboostoo · 08/02/2014 11:07

OK OP it may well be that you can do it, but I still don't understand why not go for the middle option of deferring? I was a Uni lecturer and I can promise you that they cannot refuse to let you defer because you are pregnant.

coldwater1 · 08/02/2014 11:18

A bit different but i started uni in september to study a social work degree and i was about 28 weeks pregnant, i carried on at uni until the day before i was induced and went back 10 days later for a week until the christmas holidays. I went back in January as normal. :)

PaperBagPrincess · 08/02/2014 11:22

A SW masters is gruelling. Its not just a case of lectures and academic study. You'll have placements and it will be emotionally tough.

Honestly? Only you know your situation best, but I would explain your situation to the course leader, and if you cant defer, think about reapplying in the future. I did a very similar Masters, starting when my youngest was 3 months old. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I had full-time childcare and a highly supportive DH. In retrospect, I would have left it another year or so afterwards, to allow my body and mind torecover from birth and the early child rearing months.

liquidstate · 08/02/2014 11:31

Whatever you do, don't jump on your DH at 2am when suffering from writers block during the dissertation write up. Made that mistake and now expecting an unplanned little one. Grin

MandatoryMongoose · 08/02/2014 12:00

If it were me, my biggest concern would be - what if this pregnancy isn't straight forward? what if you needed a c-section? or the baby needed some help after birth? I know you're previous experiences have been good but that's no guarantee.

I'm not saying don't do it, just talk to the uni and find out what would happen in the various possible sets of circumstances. I think you might be a bit mad though, I'm about to return to Uni after a year out for mat leave and I'm already panicking about juggling the work and DS.

Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 12:04

Eirikur - I live in an expensive area and most students work and are a not 18 so have children. They just do evening/weekend work often in the same field of care or retail, waitressing, chambermaiding as there are lots of jobs like that.

Coldwater - Well done thats very good to here!

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Thetallesttower · 08/02/2014 12:05

Talk to the university, they may mean no deferrals but will accept an interruption if you are pregnant/have a small baby/have something else wrong (e.g. suddenly get ill).

It's pointless to speculate about how they would respond to this and they won't advertise on the website what to do- this is something you need to speak directly with them about.

I also think that Mandatory is right- this all hinges on you having an easy pregnancy, an easy birth, an easy baby and that everything goes smoothly.

I don't think you can proceed on that basis- what if your child has a disability, or you have a C-section and can't walk into lectures, what about breastfeeding?

EirikurNoromaour · 08/02/2014 12:09

Olivia, so do I. Honestly, nobody with kids works. But fine, you're sure you can do it. I think you're crazy but I could be wrong.

Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 12:11

I know that could happen mandatory/tallest tower. I have very quick births, so much so drs advised home birth for next as it will probably be too quick to make hospital. With baby being easy that doesnt bother me as 1st wasnt easy she woke up every 2 hours until 18 months, and didnt sleep through until past 3. That sort of thing is part and parcel of having children though so ok.

With breastfeeding I did bf last baby for nearly a year, but this time will ff.

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Original poster
oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 12:16

Eirikur - I know Im crazy. Over last year I was working up to 60 hours over 7 days with dh working full time, no cleaner and no family support. I have no life outside of that though I live for being a Social Worker and the children at present.

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