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AIBU?

AIBU starting a masters at 8 months pregnant?

96 replies

oliviaoctopus · 08/02/2014 07:03

I have just found out I'm pregnant and will be 8 months when starting my masters. I dont want to defer as its a very competitive course for places. Can the university make me quit or is it my decision if I choose to carry on and do it?

OP posts:

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Thetallesttower · 09/02/2014 16:41

I also agree, speak to the uni, this is ridiculous making decisions on what your mum says- universities have protocols and have to abide by the law for this. Two weeks rest will be standard across any employment (or around that) as in you are not allowed to go in but that doesn't stop you working or listening to audio-tapes of the lectures, you can do that at any time.

daisydee43 · 09/02/2014 16:44

I was 13 wks when started 2 yr college course but was PT

daisydee43 · 09/02/2014 16:45

was very difficult and I only passed one year but did get my qualification - would've got a diploma for both years

foreverondiet · 09/02/2014 17:16

I think its possible if you can afford / can access enough childcare.

Booboostoo · 09/02/2014 17:36

Please speak to the Uni OP. By all means have an abortion if that is what you want but this does not sound like an informed decision. A quick phone call to the course tutor should clarify where the Uni stands on this and honestly if they are being awkward all you need is the Students Union Equal Opps officer to help you.

GrasshopperNchipmunk · 09/02/2014 18:13

There was a pregnant woman doing the social work BA the same time as I was doing the MA - she was already pregnant when she started the course so the uni clearly didn't take issue with it.

Also I just wanted to say that if you decide to proceed with the pregnancy and do your course, remember this; everything in life is about perspective, what one person finds difficult someone else can find easy. You need to decide yourself whether you think you can do it, and it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into how you would manage. You sound determined earlier in the thread and I have no doubt that doing an MA with a baby is achievable if you want it bad enough.

Hope you are ok OP.

oliviaoctopus · 09/02/2014 18:14

I think my mum is concerned as its such a competitive course and they state no deferrals then I will lose it. I could then reapply and not get in. I cant believe this is all happening at the same time!

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 09/02/2014 19:19

Your dh is planning to do all the (daytime) child care, is that right? If so, I think your only problem will be the couple of weeks you'll need off post birth (you have to have these by law). Of course, if it is difficult birth then you may need more time off.

Other than that your situation is no different from a man starting a Masters when his wife is 8 months pregnant. Which is to say it will be bloody hard, esp w two small children, but do able.

The Uni cannot bar you from the course or make you take more than the statutory minimum maternity leave.

Personally I couldn't/wouldn't do it but plenty of people do!

mrsbug · 09/02/2014 19:58

Go and speak to the university's student services department. That way you don't have to tell anyone on the course team you are pregnant yet.

I discovered I was pregnant halfway through the application process for a funded PhD. I was advised by student services that they had no particular regulations regarding taking time off for pregnancy BUT that the university would have to accommodate me as otherwise it risked breaking sex discrimination laws.

As someone who completed their masters while eight months pregnant and working full time, I think you're crazy . But in a good way.

muser31 · 09/02/2014 20:19

delurking...just a thought.... i am hearing that you will feel really regretful if you end up having to defer your masters and it ends up that they won't let you, but perhaps if you had an abortion you might really regret that more. many people feel regret and guilt years after an abortion - im just making you aware of it to give you perspective.

i think you sound so determined and focused. its in your personality - you have done it before, you sound confident that you can do it again.... and your dh will be doing all the childcare and the night feeds so its totally different than trying to juggle the masters with a newborn. please talk to the uni before making decisions!

BikeRunSki · 09/02/2014 20:39

I came back to this thread to say just this .
What would you regret more - it doing the Masters or not having the baby?

You say you're unlikely to get a place on the Masters again. Are you likely to get pg again?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 09/02/2014 20:58

I would do it. I wouldn't even think twice tbh. I have a siumelar DH to you by the sounds of it, I spent the first year of my degree with a baby and two slightly older (and demanding DC). I didn't do much of anything at home, dh did nights as I was usually reading/writing. I joined in the fun bits but the slog was all him tbh. I felt like a 50's bloke it was great! I could really concentrate on my course and get stuck in, I was doing about 70 hours a week in total as the Uni was a 5 hour round trip commute for me a day 4 days a week min, then study on top etc. But totally worth it.

I have had to duck out this year due to serious complications with my disability due to pregnancy and I am gutted, I cam chomping at the bit to start again next September - with a 6, 5, 2 and newborn... it can be done, its what (good) DH's are for :)

Booboostoo · 10/02/2014 07:30

OP you keep returning back to the perception that the uni won't let you defer, but what do you lose from asking? You have a written offer, they can't rescind that. Ask what would happen if you were pregnant, they might surprise you. Please don't rely on speculation to make this decision.

grumpyoldbat · 10/02/2014 08:10

OP please call the uni at 9. Mat leave isn't the same as deferral. Any decision you make without knowing all the facts and I mean facts not speculation you'll regret. Whatever that decision may be.

oliviaoctopus · 10/02/2014 18:29

I cancelled my appointment and am keeping the baby and having 2 weeks maternity leave.

OP posts:

PeriodFeatures · 10/02/2014 18:39

Am in almost exactly the same position op. the workload on a sw ma is phenomenal. manageable with no other pressing distractions but phenomenal. they will hold your place for a year. dont do it now. you will set yourself up to fail. Message me if you want to ask anything.

oliviaoctopus · 10/02/2014 18:47

Im not deferring. Im just going for it and just going to work crazy on it. I think it will be ok and feel really enthusiastic to do it after today.

OP posts:

EirikurNoromaour · 10/02/2014 20:21

Good luck :)
You sound like the sort of person who can make it work if anyone can. So good luck!

BikeRunSki · 11/02/2014 04:56

Good for you !

Booboostoo · 11/02/2014 06:54

Good luck! Let us know how you get on if you feel like it!

muser31 · 11/02/2014 08:26

oh thank you for coming to let us know! you inspire me greatly as i am a single mum and study and find it hard and i wish i had half your energy and determination. please come back to update us how its going (between assignments lol)

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