AIBU starting a masters at 8 months pregnant?

[oliviaoctopus]

I have just found out I'm pregnant and will be 8 months when starting my masters. I dont want to defer as its a very competitive course for places. Can the university make me quit or is it my decision if I choose to carry on and do it?

[grumpyoldbat]

My concern would be if you or the baby were unwell after birth. AFAIK you'd be entitled to mat leave. I'm a nursing student and in Scotland there was a test case brought by nursing students who were forced to quit when they fell pregnant. It was ruled they could take mat leave. I would hope it would be the same for SW but I'm not a lawyer.

I'm studying a MSc in nursing, working and have 2 children. I find it exhausting working 7days a week and completing assignments while still finding time for housework and dds. I'm not sure how I'd cope physically if I was still in the night waking stage. On the other hand some of my colleagues are bemused by how tired I look do perhaps I've just no stamina. Your health is something you have to consider. Also from what I've heard placement allocation can be a bit chaotic making planning more difficult and stressful.

[cupoftchai]

Olivia u have a really tough decision to make. Can u get some counselling to help with decision making? Sandyford would do in scot, not sure where u r.
I do know someone who was doing the ba social work course and had baby at start of summer hols in their first or second year. They didn't take any time out but did have full summer hols and their partner stayed home with baby.
Is this your qualifying course to become a social worker or are u already and this is post qual?
I did 2yr postgrad course to qualify. About two thirds of the course worked. Nobody had young children- we did think this was unusual- a couple had teenagers. It was really full on.

[oliviaoctopus]

Its my qualifying MA. Dh says just go for it and it will all work out. I have read on the website no defferals for this course. I have skim read their massive sex discrimination policy and nothing in there. I have alsi read there supporting pregnant woman doc. You have to have 2 weeks off at this uni, so god knows how this will work!

[ElBombero]

Yes that's fucking mental

[oliviaoctopus]

Dh is saying I wont have to do any night feeds as he will do lot so I will only have day care to do when not at uni, and he will still be on hand to do a lot then as well.

I just hope the uni are ok with these types of things and dont make me go all the way back through the application process if I did have to defer.

[BikeRunSki]

I did an MSc when I was young, single and childless. I was very, very intense. Full 40 hour week plus associated coursework, projects, dissertation.... I can obviously only speak for my experience in my field, but I would not expect the course to have any let up and throwing a baby in the mix too will make it even more intense.it made the final year of my degree look like a walk in the park.

[oliviaoctopus]

I think if this was the other way round no one would bat an eyelid with a dh doing a masters, and a dw doing the childcare.

The world isnt ready for people doing things this way round for some reason.

[Kyyria]

I did the final year of a BA (including 15000 word dissertation) when ready to pop - in fact my first assignment was due in 5 days after my DS was born. It was part time so I was only in uni one full Saturday per month. BF didn't work (milk never came in after suffering a huge haemorrhage/blood transfusion during labour) so wasn't a problem with feeding as DH could formula feed DS at home. Started course at the beginning of October and DS was born 26th October. Have to say the first 6 weeks were awful (BF problems etc) and to be honest having to deal with coursework etc on top of that was difficult. I remember trying to coordinate writing coursework when DS was 1 week old - got a 3 day extension as had been in hospital for 5 days post birth and was struggling to meet the deadline. Not much fun trying to fit coursework in between a (not feeding very well) BF baby, stressing as was feeling like a failure as had to top him up with formula, hormones all over the place, HV and midwife visits and just wanting to sleep and spend time with my baby.

It was a long slog. Don't just presume baby will sleep so you can crack on with things. I did a lot of trying to do coursework whilst carrying DS in a sling. A lot of late night's working until stupid hours as hadn't managed much during the day. Trying to get my brain into gear on bugger all sleep when the only time you have chance to work is when you should be sleeping was not ideal.

That said, I managed it. I was a bit disappointed that I got a 2:1 (just missed out on a 1st with 68%) as I had been on track for a 1st for the first 2 years of the degree, but still bloody proud of myself for achieving what I did.

Have told all my family and friends (who did try and talk me out of doing it) that if I plan of doing a degree whilst expecting again that they should slap me. DS was my first and although I don't regret doing the final year with a very small baby I certainly wouldn't do it again.

[BuntyCollocks]

I've done a masters (law), and no feasible way could I have done it with a baby.

[BoredNinja]

Olivia, it sounds as if you have some good plans in place if you do have the baby, and your dp sounds lovely and supportive. Plus you've done similar before so you are coming from a realistic viewpoint. I agree with your post about gender roles - if it was your dp doing the masters I think people wouldn't question it so much.

Just do what's right for you.

[Pigeonhouse]

Olivia, in response to your last comment, surely part of the reason for that is that the man wouldn't actually be the one giving birth, potentially having a c-section or a difficult delivery and trying to get back to classes with a possible episiotomy and engorged breasts? I know you say your births are easy and straightforward, but that's no guarantee.

I admire your determination, and I can see why you want to go ahead now in terms of childcare etc, but I think you need to take to your tutor, and think through worst-case scenarios too.

[paxtecum]

Olivia:
I think if this was the other way round no one would bat an eyelid with a dh doing a masters, and a dw doing the childcare.

I think in saying that you a missing the point: it wouldn't be DHs body carrying the baby and giving birth though would it?

I know someone who had glandular fever at Oxbridge. She used sheer, grim determination to keep going rather than miss a year.
By doing so she compromised her health and developed ME.
20 years later she still has ME.

[ROARmeow]

I need a lie-down after reading about OP's plans. She's superwoman!

No way could I do that. If you're DH is really supportive and ready to step up to the mark then go ahead.

But if you still want to keep your abortion appt then I think that's totally understandable too. TBH, I'd probably go for the abortion option in your position, but I live in a country where abortions are illegal.

You have lots of options, and a good goal in mind.

[3bunnies]

Actually olivia dh started the second half of a four year masters the day ds was born and it was a nightmare all round - I had to keep 3 dc quiet while he studied - we ended up going out loads. The dc always wanted to see him and spend time with him but he had to study. Although I was doing the feeds it still disrupted his sleep and he needed a number of extensions to get through the course. I know a number of people whose partners are studying and it puts stress on everything even when they aren't the main caregiver. I am not saying that it can't be done but it is very tough and generally grades and family life both suffer, but you have 8 months to put things in place to get through it. It will be getting through though rather than enjoying it.

Kyyria mine didn't sleep through until 9 months either and dd1 didn't sleep in the day either - intolerances and reflux.

[oliviaoctopus]

Im not planning to study at home ever that would be totally crazy. Your boobs dont really go engorged when ffing as its only lasts a day or so, whereas when I bfed for a year I turned in to Lola Ferrari.

Im not really superwoman as dh will just do literally everything cook, clean, childcare for all 3 etc. Hes used to it so when I say I wont be doing anything I really will just be doing the masters.

[Squiffyagain]

Yes, you're crazy, but I'd say go for it.

I was crazy too. Toddler, working full time and I started an MA at a prestigious uni 10 days after having a C-S with my second. It was only a PT masters, but I went back to working full time when DD was 4 weeks old, so had to dive back and forth across London using 'lunch hours' to attend lectures, and grafting all weekend on the academic stuff. But I loved my job and I loved my subject. And I got there (although I knew I'd never get the distinction i really wanted).

If you're passionate about it and happy to accept that your life will be batshit crazy and if you know in your heart that you've got the metabolism then I'd say go for it.

[cupcake78]

I did a ft masters with a 2 year old and it was hard going! Also had placements to do as well.

I needed a lot of family help. Dc was in nursery funded by us for 2 days a week so I could attend lectures. Pil had him another day and weekends were spent studying. I didn't sleep much. Did assignments during the night.

It was very very hard and I'm almost certain I could not have done it with a newborn.

You need to look at the number of expected study hours per week for your course. Mine was 10 per week with lectures and placements on top of that. It nearly broke me.

[maddening]

From everything you've said I say go for baby and masters! If you want a third dc and do the course then have a career then it may be more sensible to have third dc while you have full time childcare at home rather than a career break and new dc going into childcare at at a younger age. By the time you are going into work the dc may be over 1 and walking which is much nicer for when in full time childcare as they can get up and play.

[oliviaoctopus]

We have decided we are 100% keeping the baby so now just time to figurr out the rest! Im sure it will all work out.

[cupoftchai]

Congratulations! U do sound like u r going to think it all through very carefully. Remember no job/course/career is worth wrecking your health over! Just think about what u and dh really want from your lives and for your kids, and use that to steer u.

[oliviaoctopus]

I'm having an abortion. My mum thinks they wont let me defer so I would have to reply again as the course is so competive. Boo I will have to have 2 weeks off whether I like it or not for health and safety so will miss stuff. Either way looks like Im screwed. Thanks anyway everyone

[CaptainSinker]

Why not speak to the Uni? This seems like quite a major decision to take in a few days and based on what your Mum thinks.

[BikeRunSki]

Have you actually spoken to the university? Having an abortion seems like a very extreme decision to make without talking to them about your own particular set of circumstances.

[harticus]

You MUST speak to the university about this OP. They will be very understanding.
You have gone from "100% keeping the baby" to deciding to have an abortion in the space of a few hours.

I did my MA when my son was a baby - he was 2 months when I started.
Knackering but do-able. And I am a single mother.

MA really isn't the same as a BA - if you are organised and can really plan your workload and stick to it and if you have decent support then it is not impossible. Talk to the uni and good luck.

[grumpyoldbat]

Speak to Uni first, if you decide to abort before getting all information. If after speaking to Uni you still want an abortion then that's fine. I'm concerned from the tone of your posts that you feel pressured into an abortion. Especially as you changed your mind so quickly. It's the Uni who can answer the questions you have about practicalities not your Mum.