To think nearly 4 is still too young for school nursery?

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

Always considered myself lucky in that my daughter wouldn't be starting school nursery until nearly 4 as her birthday is September but as its nearing the sick feeling still isn't shifting.
Aibu?

I think in your situation it would be very damaging to keep her at home until she has to go to school at 5/6. She needs like you say to take that little leap to a few hours a day in a mostly play environment rather than all day in formalised school.

You'll hate it and she will love it i'm just warning you!

Also they aren't "caring for her" that's still and always will be your job, they are just providing an environment for a few hours a day, thats how it feels to me anyway.

Could she start on 3 sessions a week and build up to 5? Thats what we did, not that it was necessary as DD1 skipped in with nairy a backward glance

I actually think you are doing more damage to her by keeping her at home than sending her to nursery.
The world is not a big, bad place to be scared of.
Ever heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child?
But, I am biased, I work in a nursery so see first hand the fantastic work we do preparing children to be capable, confident adults.
oh, and it is 'caring', very much so, and we are certainly not strangers.
My key-children tell me they love me every day, one child asked for me as a present for xmas.
I really don't see anything wrong with other people caring for your child, it's part of realising they belong to and in the world, not just to mummy.

I remember my dd last year inviting her key worker around for lunch. Apparentlt saying "come for lunch on saturday mummy won't mind" She absolutely adores him as do we.

I believe you are right in saying easier now than a whole day at 5....I think you are coming round to the idea

I assume you mean psychologist.

Yes - consistency of a MAIN carer. Not no-one else at all. To be frank you're setting her up for an awful shock if she has no group activity at all until the full school day at Reception. She's her own person - her experiences of school will be very different to yours. And I say that as someone who found starting school very difficult (probably because I didn't mix with many other children) and have a DD who loves it.

It's definitely a good thing to start nursery in preparation for school, IME. It's a much smaller, more nurturing environment, they get help with things like doing coats up more readily, there isn't a strict structure at all - DS' preschool was pretty much free play all day. They had carpet time at the beginning and end but that was it, and it was very well managed, there were no scary punishments or harsh words and the children who had trouble, e.g. staying on the carpet were gently encouraged and praised to do so. DS was upset when I would leave him at first but they had lovely students on day release from college who would sit with him and talk with him and help him with the transition. Now at 5 he barely looks back, and he was the child at toddler group who would literally not leave my side.

They did start some numbers and phonics work with him but from what I could gather it was very much at his pace. They had ipad apps and an interactive whiteboard and a number line on the wall etc and he loved to interact with those things, he wasn't pushed into it and he wasn't made to sit down and concentrate, it was just one of several activities he could choose to do.

I think it's great. Especially when it's linked to the school itself, it means that they can sometimes go and use the school facilities etc and that the school isn't a big scary unknown place. The transition from nursery into reception isn't too big because reception is still mainly play based and quite free, it's more of a gradual transition.

Long
Yes sorry waw typing too quickly
She is out socialising every day, we go to may soft plays, farms, woodland walks, toddler groups, nature groups , cooking groups, the list goes on.
She hardly looks for me at these places but of course I am there which is why I'm in no doubt that it will come as a shock whenever starts but I do think it will be easier for her to start at 4 than 5.
Personally, and no offence to any mums who use childcare, I think I did the best thing looking after mg children myself for their primary years along with my husband of course but do realise this isn't the case forever, just wish it was a few years off than a few months!
Thankyou for all your replies they are very much appreciated

Iagree with you slightly.

Are there other pre school options locally or just the school? I preferred to keep a "mummy day" as did most of my friends, which isn't usually an option in a school nursery.

Also, every setting should have a visit /settle time surely.... I'd insist on it.

There is a huge difference between 'consistency of main carer' & 'never ever allowing anyone else to look after her' (them). It is not right that they are not forming any bonds with anyone else. I can't believe you haven't even left them with your Mum, except for two dental appointments. It is not about 'not needing to' - it's about allowing them to become their own person & forming bonds with other people. It is not healthy to be unable to do so.

Have you ever considered how they would cope if anything happened to your and your DH? How small their world is?

Ah yes , if I'd had local family is have certainly encouraged their involvement and care!!

Chipping I agree.
I was never, ever left with anyone and remember going on a school camp for 1 night aged 8 my auntie was the teacher. I cried so much my parents Had to pick me up and take me home. I got laughed at.
I had never stayed away from my parents.
I don't want that for my dd....she is an only child and I am delighted the odd time she has stayed at her grandparents. She has waved us off with a smile.

Agree with Chipping, seriously what would happen if you and your DH dropped dead? Sorry to be blunt but you do sound incredibly over cautious about your child.

Look at Only's comment, do you want that to be your child in the future?

Of course every parent wants the best for their child but to me, it was essential that my child (only child) grew up to be confident and independent and not to be over dependent on DH and I - esp. as we are 'older' parents . He went off very happily to nursery school at age 2 - I requested a place early for him .

My mum works full time, my dads passed away and I'm
An only child.
My husband is also an only child with a mother in America and a father in the army.
There haven't been any opportunities, it's just never come up.
We see my mother twice a month on a Sunday where we all spend the day together, she certainly has never asked to have either of them without me, as I said I had to ask her re the dental appointments..
She is very much a black and white character. Her way is the only way and I should parent in the exact war she did,
This with her choice of career just reinforces that she knows best.
We have many friends with children but none of us looks after each others, again there just hasn't been a "need"
Not sure what your suggestions would be in my circumstance?

Ah we were offered an early place at 2 (husbands redundancy) but refused it as we didn't really need it.

In our case I think she was better prepared at home. Certainly the older one is now a very confident articulate school child and hasn't suffered from only doing a bit of pre school!

I did not want to stand my DD to nursery, so I didn't, I did not have to give reasons. As OP we were out of the house everyday doing stuff, meeting people ect. My DD was and still is very confident ans sociable.
We were having such a great time I didn't Send her to school at 5 and at 7 she is still being home educated. She went to rainbows and is now at brownies but has never been looked after by anyone else, just because there is no one to leave her with.
DD goes on her first camp in a few weeks and is really looking forward to it.

Slightlyneurotic just to reassure you, I also was with my eldest every single day til she was three years old, no childcare, not even left in a creche or nursery partly because she was ultra-clingy and partly because we designed it that way. She started preschool mornings only aged 3, we announced she was going to be a big girl now, got her ready in the uniform (psychologically important) and send her off- she settled in no problems at all. So, not all children who have been at home a lot find it hard to settle. My other child who was in and out of childcare was much harder to settle in preschool funnily enough.

What jumps out at me though is that you seem scared not of what will happen to your child but what your mum will say. I think you need to start making your own decisions as a family unit and this might involve things your mum disapproves of. You are not her, and you are your dd's parent, not her. I think this is a somewhat unhealthy dynamic and actually it might be good for all of you to get out of this very tight-knit environment, interact more with different types of families and children and just loosen up a bit and see that more than one thing works.

I teach reception. This year, I have child who has not been to preschool/nursery and is only attending part time. He comes from a background where children stay at home with parents and schools start at 7. Fine, I thought, and we have been very supportive of him and his family.
But it has been more difficult than I expected. He could not go to the loo by himself, put a coat on, get changed, open his lunch box or get a drink. The other children 'knew' how school worked as they'd been to nursery and were used to carpet time, snack etc. He's also not formed close social bonds as he's only in school part timetime. The other children are friendly to him but seeem to sense he's not a full part of the group.
It is absolutely your choice about nursery, but please do consider her needs and how she will transition into school.

I guess history can repeat itself and whilst I do fully agree with a lot of my mums decisions, I have to admit this is one I'm not in agreement with.
I am worried about leaving her, with all the horror stories you hear however I don't think it's far to expect her to settle at 5 having never experienced it before.
My mum didn't send me until 6 and apparently I swanned in by this point, however obviously I have no memory of it and rose tinted glasses may come into play a lot here
I don't regret any of what I've done so far, she's a confident happy child and I wouldn't have left her in a nursery at a younger age just for the sake of it but I agree that at this time it's an important step for her to make regardless of my fears and worries

Our nursery ran toddler sessions one morning a week for under 3s with parents, and they hold open mornings too. They will also allow you to stay with them as long as they need you too when they start.

We didn't send DD as soon as she was eligible for her free hours, we waited another 6 weeks or so but she changed quite a bit in those few weeks and she was much more ready. The teachers were great at settling her in too.

She quite often cries because she doesn't want to come home!

My dd2 was 3 at Christmas and started nursery in January. She al ready knew the teachers from taking her older brother and sister there. On her first day she hung her coat up and went off to play. I had to follow her to say goodbye.

She's loved every minute of it and can't wait to go to school every day. I think she'd have driven me batty if I'd made her wait till September to start.

Willowb it must be the difference between areas then as our private nurseries appear to have far better facilities and are better resourced than the school ones. They are most certainly less formal too, no uniform, less pressure re toilet training for 3 year olds, more flexibility re napping if needed, food etc.. and much smaller classes.

my local school nursery has 3 year olds in a concrete playground with 9 year olds tearing round. I cant understand why anyone would choose this.

My DS is a September baby, same year as yours. He will be starting FS1 at nursery in September in a full day 8.45-3.30. He was offered a place from the start of this term that I deferred, as I did feel having only just turned three it is too early. I am certain that he will be fully ready by September. In fact I think he'd be fine now, but I didn't like the idea of him being 'held back' for yet another year in September to do an additional 3 terms of FS1 while the current FS1 year moved up to reception.

I do think it's a little silly worrying in Feb about September. 6 months is a long time for our DC and they will develop so much between now and then.

I wonder if your concerns are more about you enjoying having your DD with you all the time validating your role at home and not wanting this period to come to an end.

My,
I will still have my younger child with me as she is only just 2 so I don't think it's that but I do think I will miss her terribly.
Even on her worst day I love having her and the time we spend together

one point - be prepared for the fact (and I think it's pretty inevitable, I'm afraid) that she may well end up being ill a lot if you don't send her to nursery before she starts school - her immune system won't be so robust and she'll probably get every cough and cold going round, which other children who have been at nursery for a while won't anymore.

Does it have to be school nursery? DD is 4 and is at a private nursery (though she still gets her free 15 hours), and it is a fantastic place and she has developed in confidence so much there - she has been going for 2 years. She now does 3 days a week, 8-6, and just loves it. It is a very caring, nurturing and supportive place.

You need to make sure you make the right decision for her, not you. Don't transfer your worries on to her. I have never had a moment's concern about the care DD gets at her nursery. It's like most things - the minority of horror stories make all the noise; all the perfectly good, happy, safe places just tick along quietly, not making a big to-do.

I have such fond memories of DS time at nursery and the lovely, caring and compassionate women who helped looked after him. I remember sitting weeping in the manager's office at one point when we were going through a very difficult patch (DS has mild SN which took years to be properly diagnosed) and saying stupid like 'thanks for listening' only to have the manager say: no thank you for talking. You must never forget it is our privilege to help you care for your son and to support you through this time.

I've never forgotten it and wonder if that may help you: to think of people not 'taking over' your DD's care, but sharing it with you?

For those of you who say you don't need to send your child toy school (reception) until the term after their 5th birthday, yes, this is correct.

However if you do this your child will miss reception and start as one of the youngest in year 1. Not ideal.

My youngest dc has SEN and is also saddled with an August birthday.
Despite having a developmental delay of approx 2 years she thrived in preschool aged just 3 and it was a similar success story when she began reception aged 4 yrs and a couple of days.

OP! Chill out. Honestly, it'll be fine. If you keep her back I suspect it'll be for your own reasons, not your DD's.