To think nearly 4 is still too young for school nursery?

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

Always considered myself lucky in that my daughter wouldn't be starting school nursery until nearly 4 as her birthday is September but as its nearing the sick feeling still isn't shifting.
Aibu?

Our local schools don't have school nurserys (one further out does). It means parents choose their own pre-schools/nurserys that suit them.

I did 2 mornings a week, building up to 4 just before she starts. And took her out for daytrips. Was fantastic. Also much higher ratios. For some reason school nurserys with a teacher rather than a nursery trained staff means lower ratios. I liked that my daughter had a bond with a key worker of whom there were lots on the room. She was just right to start proper school, uniform, formal hours etc at reception. Some of them still seemed young imo.

I know its different in different areas but I'm glad we've got the flexibility to just use some of the hours and build up. As much settling in as needed too.

Our school nursery starts children at any point through the year so DS2 (who is a January baby) started 3 days after his 3rd birthday.
I was dreading it, but the nursery staff said they would see how he coped. We had a few days of crying when I left him and then he settled completely. He's now in his final year at that school and still loves going every day! Dreading the graduation ball and final walk through the gates now!

2tired - isn't it right though, that if you choose not to send them until the term after they turn 5, they have to start in Y1 (with the children they would have started with had they gone at 4), so effectively skipping the reception year? In which case doesn't that put them at a disadvantage to the other children (both learning & socially)?

My DS is end of August born & so started preschool at 2y 9m in order to help prepare him for his early entry to school this coming September at just 4yrs 2 weeks. Since you have the luxury time on your side OP, if you don't feel she is ready, just wait a while. They change so quickly she may surprise you!

DD2 was 3 years 2 months when she started nursery and she thrived. She started school at 4 years 2 months and the same thing. I was so worried about it, yes she is young for the year, but she is doing ok. Socially she is great, and she is grasping phonics. She came home the other day telling me what happy new year was in Chinese.

Yes she may have done better if she had waited a year, but she would have skipped reception and I think that this first year is lovely and would have hated her to have missed it. On balance though, she is doing so well.

Each child is different, but your child will surely be a lot more ready at nearly 4 to start nursery. It's a same, informal environment, perfect for 3 and 4 year olds.

It really does depend upon the child and children change so much over the course of several months. I know children who have Summer birthdays and took to school really well, as many children do. My dd is an Autumn baby and we de-registered her from school after one term. School attendance is not compulsory, providing an education is.

omama- government have set new guidelines stating LEAs are no longer allowed to have a blanket policy of skipping kids who start at 5 straight into yr1, I have yet to fight this battle but have briefly spoken to my lea about it who claimed to know nothing about it- shocking!

As for being at a disadvantage socially and academically, that really depends on the childs home life, if a child is at home 24/7 with a parent, no siblings, not taken to groups or attend nursery- yes surely that child would benefit starting at only just 4. a child whome attends a nursery, attends toddler groups with parent and is at home with parent and being interacted with 1-2-1, no I don't feel that they would be at any disadvantage.

we do education exceptionally early in this country, a friend in canadas dcs didn't start till 6 then full days at 7!! and we shove them off at 4!
As she doesn't legally have to be in school till the term after shes five, sept 2015, shes staying home

Relatives in Australia have a normal entry to kinder (2.5 days a week) at 5 but she chose to send at 6! So full time school starting at 7....

government have set new guidelines stating LEAs are no longer allowed to have a blanket policy of skipping kids who start at 5 straight into yr1,

They aren't allowed to have a blanket No, true, but they will be very very reluctant to do it - parents still don't get a choice really, the LEA will make the decision and if the child isn't significantly delayed the answer will almost certainly be no. So in essence the situation hasn't really changed (LEAs could always make exceptions, it's just been made clearer now that they should do)

It depends on the child, and on what experiences the child has already had, but ime most 4 year olds are more than ready for nursery. My DD is a late summer born baby so went into reception having only just turned 4. But she was more than ready. She'd been in the pre-school section at her day nursery for a year and was just finding it too unstructured. She thrived with a more structured disciplined day. But not all children are the same and some need to have less structure.

ds1 was 3yrs 4months when he started at his school nursery - they also had no taster sessions and that was really tough (he spent his first session under a table by the door waiting for me to come back!). It was the first time I'd used any type of childcare and he really struggled to settle, however now that he is in the school it's really paid off. He has a fantastic group of friends and it's honestly the best thing I could have done for him. He is so happy, confident and has had the best possible start.

He only did 3hrs a morning till the summer term when he stayed for a couple of lunches. He could have gone to other, more flexible nurseries but I really wanted him to start school knowing the building and having a group of friends who he'd met in nursery. Almost all the nursery kids went to the school and they had regular sessions in the school while still in nursery so he had no problems starting school at 4yrs 4 months.

Thanks for all your replies
Happy to admit I'm a little neurotic, or at least seem to be in comparison to many other mothers I know who seem far more relaxed about their kids trotting off to school etc!
I'm sure she will be fine, I'm just looking at her sleeping and it saddens me that in a few months someone else will care for her, hopefully well, instead of me.
I just hope she can accept that as she's never had to before

Is she your only child?

I can imagine how emotional you're feeling at the thought of her being with others rather than you.

She'll love it, it's still a while off yet so try not to fret.

In the nicest possible way it sounds like this is about you rather than her.

Bright and confident children usually love nursery. There is nothing about what you have told us that suggests she is not ready, just that you are not. Your job as her mum is to prepare her to finally go off into the world ready to deal with life as a young adult. Don't be too hard on your self when it feels scary sometimes but don't let how you feel hold her back

And you can come back and remind me of all this when I have to grit my teeth and wave my 8 year old pfb on his first school residential trip this year!

Our dd is 4 in a few months and we have taken here around the 2 local schools to see the reception classes....which she loved as felt really involved.
She has done a couple of days at nursery from 10 months which she just loves but understands she will be leaving soon to begin 'school'
I think it's so important her social skills etc amaze me.

Good luck

Blimey, DS has to start school in sept at just over 4. He's not even toilet trained yet. Thank your lucky stars you have a September baby! She'll be more than fine at nursery, one of the oldest there.

going to shool exposes them to another environment, she will adapt and expand to fit it.

I think they do a lot of growing up in that first term.

You're right, it probably is about me.
I'm probably worrying she will feel how I do?
And not be able to function and enjoy her time there without me but I'll probably be proven to be wrong come September!
She is my eldest, I also have 2 year old so this is my first time at going through this :(
I am glad she is one of the eldest and has been toilet trained for a year so am hoping she doesn't start having issues there with that!

She is four. You have done her no favours by not allowing anyone but you and your husband to ever look after her. She needs to feel secure in the world around her, not just when she is with you. Start letting people you know (friends/family) take care of her, people she is already familiar with, then it wont be such a shock to her when she goes to nursery. It's about her, not about you.

I think it is extremely good for children to get used to being part of a group and to be looked after by more than one adult - their world opens up a bit to new ideas and experiences they don't get at home.

I also think your toddler, OP, must be an absolute delight for you to be so bothered about missing her during the day! I will admit frankly that when my daughter was 3 and my son was 2 I was absolutely knackered so getting one into the nursery school five mornings a week and the other into a private nursery for two mornings a week was luxury beyond my wildest dreams. Finally I had a short time twice a week when I could listen to the radio uninterrupted, sit down and read a book, go shopping without a pushchair, take my time over going to the loo etc etc. It was wonderful.

I do vividly recall, though, that first morning when I got back from dropping them off and looked at the shoe rack - no little shoes. I did get a bit moist about the eye. Not for long, though!

At nursey this week dd has taken part in Zumba class....French class....and a pirate island party....
So much variety ....far more than I could do at home. She expects school will be even better! Hhhmmmm
Sometimes I can't believe she's only 3.5. I know some people's opinions are that is isn't all necessary and that's fair enough. I know she has found it really enriching and I'm pretty sure your dd will enjoy the experience.

I have a September child, in fact she's the oldest in the year and it stood her in good stead for starting school. Our nursery class does a gradual admission so they do 2 sessions the first week then build up from there.
It's understandable that you feel this way, I bet you know she'll be fine realistically but it's totally natural to worry! YABabitU but in an understandable way.

Chipping in,
I was never left as a child apart from my mother or father and I've always been taught to do the same.
My mothers a physiologist and Is always informing me of the research showing children need consistency of a main carer in their first 3 years of life etc
To be honest, we've never needed to leave them.
We do everything as a family, there hasn't been one thing in the last 3 years that we would have needed to leave them with anyone outside of us, apart from 2 dental appointments where my husband had to collect me as I was out to sleep so my mother had them then.
All mimsy,
She most certainly is not a delight all of the time believe me!
She regularly argues / fights with her younger sister who also acts more like a 3 year old so it's like having twins most of the time!
But still has never made me feel that I would rather someone else take care of her than me.
Maybe I just don't think they will do a good enough Job and with hearing so many horror stories regarding nurseries, children walking out, accidents, deaths etc it's just made me question it all.
However unless I was planning to home school, which I'm not, this leap will have to be made at some point and in my head, better at 4 for 3 hours a day than at 5 for 6 hours?

Look at it this way - you will get some time to spend with your younger child only so they benefit. Your older child gets a change if scene, different activities so they benefit.

And if everyone is tired in the afternoons there's not the sane pressure to be exciting as the older child has been out having fun.

Posted just before your post OP - please remember that the vast majority of nurseries have none of these incidents. I'm sure you know that already.

Op....obviously is the way you have chosen to parent in these early years as a result of your upbringing which was obviously a happy, one or you wouldn't be choosing the same.

Although I don't understand how your mum being a physiologist makes much difference.

I do understand how all the negative press some nurseries have received with allowing these awful incidents to take place could make you even more reticent. Totally.