Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get irrationally angry and jealous watching DH melt when a woman with a good voice sings?

25 replies

Hedgehead · 07/02/2014 12:42

Everybody has something that they find exceptional in other people. With DH it is singing. Anyone who can sing, DH thinks they are the bees knees. I think it's because DH cannot sing to save his life and is a bit of a frustrated musician and feels that he could have explored music had he not taken a more boring career.

Anyway, when we are out or with friends there are times when a man or woman will sing (even if it's just a few notes reminding us all of a song, or at a karaoke or at a show.) Anyway, every time it happens DH becomes obsessed saying wow, wow, he/she's got such a great voice, everybody listen, isn't this AMAZING, sing more for us etc... Wow. With female voices especially, his face sort of melts and his eyes glaze over.

My reaction is to get irrationally jealous inside, almost bubbling over with negativity about the whole situation, wanting the woman to stop bloody singing so I can stop having to watch my DH in this pre-orgasmic state. I get grumpy with him (don't tell him why) and the whole night's ruined for me.

He often goes up after the performance and tells the singer (male or female) how great they were. I don't care when it's the men, I often go up with him too, but when it's a woman - especially an attractive woman and he is talking to her telling her how beautiful her voice is - I just feeling like disappearing into a hole in the earth.

Do I have a problem?

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 07/02/2014 12:46

yes. I think you do. Grin

music is really powerful. It makes people emotional. When I hear someone with an amazing voice, it makes me feel prickly.

I have cried listening to songs. Felt actually breathless over a piece of music. Been transported back in time listening to an old song.

It's really not the same thing as, say, lusting over a person in a sexual way, which if I am reading you correctly, is how you feel? That's why he can safely appreciate a male voice in exactly the same way, but you have a sexual jealousy response when it is a woman.

EllaFitzgerald · 07/02/2014 12:46

Uhm, perhaps a little bit, yes. Unless he's really drooling over the women in front of you.

Loopytiles · 07/02/2014 12:48

Yabu but his behaviour does sound a bit annoying!

Loopytiles · 07/02/2014 12:48

Yabu but his behaviour does sound a bit annoying!

UriGeller · 07/02/2014 12:52

Do you sing OP?

I think its quite a nice thing for a man to show he's passionate about something but I can understand you being pissed off if he gets a bit creepy.

Tell him?

Original poster
Hedgehead · 07/02/2014 12:58

I can sing in tune (unlike DH) but I would not say I was a good singer. Maybe I wish I was? Maybe that's part of it? But I don't express that in a positive way like DH (appreciation of others.)

DH is also obsessed with X Factor. He watches clips on youtube, the same ones over again where somebody has surprised people with their voice (mainly women singers) and he gets very emotional about it.

I understand that people get emotional about music, I do understand, but DH gets this way about most female singers - he doesn't discriminate. He gets this way about the very fact that they are singing. It translates in my head that it must be something he finds very attractive in women.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 07/02/2014 13:00

YABU. It doesn't sound like he is trying to chat up any if these women. He's just a bit over enthusiastic about other people's singing. I would find it a bit annoying and I think he could perhaps rein it in a bit.

But to be jealous and blame your DH for ru your night, that's a bit odd. Or maybe you are both a tad OTT but just in different ways.

Finola1step · 07/02/2014 13:01

Oops. Should read "ruining your night"

Finola1step · 07/02/2014 13:02

X posted. The X Factor thing. What do you mean about getting emotional about singers? Does he actually cry?

LaurieFairyCake · 07/02/2014 13:05

Yes, you are a bit.

You can't shag a voice Grin

RandyRudolf · 07/02/2014 13:11

OP, I think you're married to my ex Grin

I remember on holiday once there was a female singer at the hotel and my ex was OBSESSED. At first I thought he just found her attractive but it went deeper than that when he heard her sing. He was mesmerised, I was EnvyBlush. I couldn't wait to get out of the place.

JeanSeberg · 07/02/2014 13:19

I don't get this - you often go up to male singers and tell them how good they are but he's not allowed to tell a female singer the same thing?

How many singers do you go and see???

JeanSeberg · 07/02/2014 13:19

Finola Perhaps the singers tell them their 'emotional story' before they sing, in the style of R Wayne...

Original poster
Hedgehead · 07/02/2014 13:22

JeanSebag No DH approaches all singers after their performance, male or female. I go up with him to the male ones (because I obviously don't feek threatened) but I don't go up with him to the female ones.

If I was on my own, I would approach neither sex because I don't worship people who sing.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 07/02/2014 13:24

How many performances do you go to??

Original poster
Hedgehead · 07/02/2014 13:25

And obviously I'm talking about singers we have experienced over the course of our life together, not that we go out every night and watch people sing.

It just happened again last night, which reminded me of the issue

OP posts:
FabULouse · 07/02/2014 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

5Foot5 · 07/02/2014 13:29

Well I think you are getting your knickers in a twist about nothing!

On a slight side note, you say your DH " is a bit of a frustrated musician and feels that he could have explored music had he not taken a more boring career."

He doesn't have to do it as a career to enjoy it. Does he play any instruments? Has he always wanted to learn? He might find it fulfilling as a hobby to get involved. Possibly even a choir - you say he can't sing but there might be some amateur choirs run for fun that he could participate in.

mrscumberbatch · 07/02/2014 13:31

There has been a few times when I've been out at a show or gig and the singer has been so good that I have had the tingly hypnotised feeling...

However I am far too reserved to ever ever tell them about it.

I think your DH is quite eccentric, maybe he uses the music as an emotional outlet for other things?

I can see why it would annoy you but you shouldn't be jealous.

PodPudding · 07/02/2014 13:42

Ugh my DP does this too and it really pisses Me off!! He seems to find women who her wouldn't otherwise find attractive absolutely hypnotisingly fascinating if they can sing. I feel better about it by squeaking and growling through songs that I like to piss him off Grin
YANBU, I feel sick with jealousy at him being attracted to other women, but I realise that is my own insecurity loon
Like a PP said, you can't fuck a voice Grin tell him to get a life

zeno · 07/02/2014 16:41

Perhaps you could join a community choir together? Non auditioned choirs are all over the place now. You would learn to sing better, he would get a weekly fix of joy, and you go do something wonderful together.

BumPotato · 07/02/2014 17:30

Learn how to sing OP. Anyone can do it.

You might not be the next Whitney Houston, but a good singing teacher will find you a song you can do well.

I can't really sing but have a couple of songs I CAN do after a wine or four and DH seems to enjoy me singing them.

MargotLovedTom · 07/02/2014 17:42

What's his views on Susan Boyle?

AwfulMaureen · 07/02/2014 18:21

I think he uses this "obsession" as an excuse to drool and flirt. I don't think YABU at all! I would tell him to shut up personally.

icetip · 07/02/2014 20:40

Who wouldn't be besotted by this

New posts on this thread. Refresh page