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AIBU?

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Original poster

Driving Alone At Night - Harassment - Anyone Else?

200 replies

LessMissAbs · 06/02/2014 21:42

Tonight, while driving through roadworks on a motorway with a speed limit of 50mph, I was tailgated by a car with its full beam on. Really close tailgating. Smaller, less powerful car than mine so when I accelerated back up to national speed limit, it got left behind. It then caught up and tailgated again. Went on for miles. Eventually I slowed down to about 40mph, they were forced to overtake, and I continued to drive slowly so they didn't follow me home or find out where I lived. I'm pretty sure I was targeted because even in the dark, they noticed I was a lone woman driver (there were 3 young males in the car).

This has happened to me a few times. Has anyone else experienced it? I once had a much worse incident but want to see if other people have had similar experiences before going into that.

OP posts:
ComposHat · 09/02/2014 15:29

I don't think anyone is doubting anyone else's experiences, just that other people have experienced intimidatory and hostile driving from female drivers as well. Suggesting that it is not wholly a gendered issue.

harticus · 09/02/2014 15:33

I used to drive all over the country with my job and often ran into trouble on the roads at night with young men targeting me.

There were the blokes in 3 separate cars who hemmed me in on the M25 and were wanking against the window.
Then there was the bloke who reversed at me down a dark country lane then got out of his car and tried to get into my car. When he couldn't he began kicking the door in and calling me a cunt.
And there was the one in a London petrol station who tried to run me over. (He was arrested).

Anyone who thinks that women aren't aggressively targeted on the roads by certain men is delusional.
If I were doing a huge amount of travelling now I would definitely invest in a dashboard camera.

ComposHat · 09/02/2014 15:40

Yes, I agree that those sexually aggressive acts are perpetuated almost exclusively by men against women, but the conversation on this thread isn't exlclusively about that.

It has also covered forms of dangerous and aggressive driving (tailgaiting, flashing lights, engine revving) that are perpetuated by both sexes, towards both sexes.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2014 15:43

Compo, OP's experience was a gendered one and she is the one we are supposedly trying to support. So, tbh, insisting that it isn't would feel (to her) that she is being disbelieved.

ComposHat · 09/02/2014 15:49

I'm sorry any I politely disagree.

There's a question 'has anyone had similar experiences?' I think it is perfectly valid to respond 'yes I have, but the same intimidatory behaviour (flashing lights/speed matching/tailgaiting) experienced by both sexes in similar circumstances.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2014 15:53

then we have politely agreed to disagree Smile

have you ever perused the site I linked to ? This is what women are living with, every day of our lives.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2014 15:54

I guess you would see it as a derail, whereas I see this issue as fundamental.

ComposHat · 09/02/2014 16:02

Yes I did. I don't see it as a de-rail, but I think we are slightly talking at cross purposes.

Some people on this thread (me included) are talking about (gender neutral) bad/aggressive/intimidatory driving they've experienced and whether this is a product of male drivers trying to frighten females off the road. (to which I said: 'no not always' both sexes can and do behave aggressively behind the wheel of the car and I have direct experience of that) and another discussion about sexual abuse/predatory behaviour targeted at women by men in cars.

In the context of this thread I think either is a valid discussion and is worthy of sharing and I don't think either needs to be shut down.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2014 16:13

I wasn't attempting to shut anything down

I was simply pointing out that repeatedly saying "women do it too" is taking something away from the women that have posted here with quite clear examples of gendered violence (whether direct or indirect) against them

I am only singling you out, Compo, because you are conversing with me about it. You are by no means the only one.

ComposHat · 09/02/2014 16:25

No it really isn't taking anything away from those who have experienced gendered violence. No one has pooh-poohed these experience or disbelieved them. They have shared other different experiences where they have felt scared or intimidated by someone else behind the wheel of the car.

I am going to leave it at that, as I don't want to de-rail this thread or turn it into a slanging match.

WelshMoth · 09/02/2014 16:29

I don't see a slanging match Compo.
I only see posters holding other posters accountable for what they type.

Smile
ComposHat · 09/02/2014 16:35

Okay, fair point welsh.

I will re-phrase.

I am comfortable with everything I have written on this thread, but don't feel that this is the place or necessarily productive to the wider interests of the thread to be arguing the toss over it.

That really is all I have to say.

nessus · 09/02/2014 17:50

Anyfucker no-one can deny the experience of another. I don't think stating that there is no gender bias when it comes to aggressive / intimidatory drivers is denying or devaluing the experience of the OP. Just stating that it is a misnomer to think otherwise.

The OP posted an AIBU about tailgating not gender based violence. From reading the posts on here tailgaiting happens to women, men and even young families travelling together at the hands of men and women.

And as I said before and will say again I myself have been known to be the kind of bastard driver described and I don't care if the car in front of me is being driven by a man or woman.

fluffyraggies · 09/02/2014 18:03

The harassment i experienced (detailed upthread) was always by men. Out of no-where, on an otherwise empty motorway. Leering, waving, driving in the middle lane right next to me, driving 3 inches away from my arse, or getting in front of me then slowing down to 30mph. Same car - empty motorway. So no, not borne out of ''frustration with my slow driving'' Hmm (would this be a good time to mention i drive a BMW?)

Yes i could have accelerated away easily, but that would mean doing over 90mph to get away and i'm not prepared to risk my life or others by doing that.

'Normal' bad driving, such as tailgating, dangerous overtaking, etc. is def. not gender exclusive, but i have never been harassed in the way i have described above by a female driver.

Personally i thought that was the thrust of the thread.

Elderberri · 09/02/2014 18:14

No women has ever intimidated me while driving,cycling or walking.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/02/2014 18:16

For the posters picking up on my post saying that 'women don't tailgate or act menacingly on the road', I would have thought it was fairly obvious that I was talking of my own experience. How could I comment on anybody else's? It is not my experience that women behave this way, I've never encountered it personally. I've experienced it from plenty of men though.

Whilst I think that the type of car someone drives is nothing to do with their driving I do think it's possible to conclude that twattish driving and aggression towards other road users can be very frightening - and is more frightening when levied at a lone woman.

Some posters just want to argue for the sake of it and yes, it is an attempt to quieten others, which is very annoying.

starsandunicorns · 09/02/2014 18:41

Done lots of nighttime driving on motorways when dc were little and have been tailgated empty motorway and the car come up alone side alude back behind me full beams on I was able to get off at the next junition go aroundabout to make out I was going on a diff road and sped off back onto motoway scared the hell out of me

Yy to say if you do breakdown say you are a lobe female driver I had a flat tyre called up said they get to me asap as had young dc with me then a car stopped man got out wouldnt go away I ended up shouting at him and he just stayed in his car staring at me

so called breakdown again saying this within a few mins a police car came round with blue and twos the car sped away ( it was a longish strecth of road) the policeman stayed with me in his car catching up on paperwork till the breakdown ppl came

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 09/02/2014 18:43

OP here. I am certain (and I am a lawyer, and used to weighing up evidence) that the tailgating was because they could see I was a lone female. I overtook their car before it and the roadworks started, the roadworks were very well lit and it continued long beyond the roadworks (for around another 10 miles).

The thread isn't only about harassment by males though - females could also harass another female, or a male, or a mixed group, but in my case the impression I got is that I was a man, I would not have been targeted. And furthermore, that it was a car with 3 young males in it who were purposefully on the motorway to harass other drivers, and I was seen by them as a suitable target.

Harticus really frightening. In fact everyone has described horrific incidents. It is shocking how many men out there are full of such hatred. Certainly the other two incidents I described, were very much about sexual harassment.

OP posts:
WelshMoth · 09/02/2014 18:58

And as I said before and will say again I myself have been known to be the kind of bastard driver described and I don't care if the car in front of me is being driven by a man or woman.

nessus How about you do something about that?

theimposter · 09/02/2014 18:59

Actually this has just reminded me of something last week; I was stopped at a junction waiting for another car to pull out as loads of cars parked both sides of the narrow road I was turning into and suddenly this old chap opened my passenger door and started to swing his leg into the footwell to sit down! Made me jump and I waved my hand in front of him saying 'I'm not a taxi!'!! He said 'oh very sorry' and shut my door. I felt sorry for him as he obviously mistook my sign written car as a taxi bless him and was over 80 I'd say but it did make me lock my doors for the rest of the journey as not the nicest area...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/02/2014 19:13

Nessus You sound very proud of your aggressive and pointlessly bad driving. I hope you get pulled over and booked very soon if it's a habit that you've made yourself acquire.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2014 19:16

Ness, you sound like a dick

nessus · 09/02/2014 19:37

I don't do 'pride' but I am honest to a fault. Yep, I can most definitely be a dick at times. And at no point did I say I was a bad driver. On the contrary, I am a brilliant driver :p

I call it defensive driving to some it might be aggressive. What can I say but move to the left!

What am I doing about it? Meditating and avoiding driving on Sundays!

AnyFucker · 09/02/2014 19:44

You are not a brilliant driver, Ness

you will cause an accident by intimidating a nervous (but perfectly safe) driver one day. Let's hope no one too precious to you gets killed, eh

Go you, dickhead

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/02/2014 19:47

Agrees with AnyFucker.

How about you get off the road altogether because it's obviously beyond you to comprehend that it's not your driving that is 'brilliant', it's the reactions of those around you having to avoid you that deserves applauding. I'm on the road most days, huge mileage, and see lots of drivers behaving in that selfish, entitled way you're so very proud of.

I hate to say it but, if you're a woman, you've sold out, 'adopted' what you think is a macho, hard living, hard driving, Gone-in-60-Seconds-stylee put on job. You'll kill somebody one day with that pathetic loser attitude. Come back and brag about it then maybe? See if we all pat your back in admiration? Nobody will.

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