To not understand how you can be with someone who "can't kiss"

[DixieGoesToHollywood]

Because I hear a lot of people saying "my DH can't kiss", and I find it really odd that there are people out there who are in a relationship with someone they don't enjoy kissing.

Dixe

That's the thing though, IME, the two don't correlate at all

I am not a great kisser.

I used to be and then something happened and I ended up getting quite panicky over it. It sounds strange I know but it is like a mental block now and I often clam up.

My husband says I am a great kisser when I don't freeze up. He loves me and my other skills are great and one skill is especially amazing so I have been told so it balances it out.

It wasn't an issue for my ex either.

We all have things we aren't great at. No big deal. We do kiss, but more sensual slow kisses instead of 'snogs'

Meh, I've kissed a couple of women and I prefer the male technique Am sure it depends more on the person than the gender though!

Haha you never know :)

If they couldn't kiss they definitely wouldn't be getting near my nether regions

I think that's so low on the priority list when choosing a partner (and potentially the father of your kids) that it concerns me that anyone would use that as a gauge.... at all. ..

I don't like kissing, I am very happy that my partner accepts this even though he likes to kiss. We are close in many many other ways.

Actually, it ranks pretty highly for me when choosing a partner and potentially the mother of my kids. Kissing for me is linked to romance and affection, both of which I value highly in a relationship. I'd hate to have an affectionless marriage.

I do appreciate that everyone's different and some people don't like kissing, but for me it's a must.

But there you do, assuming kissing=affection. It doesn't for some people

Of course other things are higher, but kissing is very important to me. It is primal. So while someone racist/sexist/unkind/etc wouldn't get a date, a bad kisser wouldn't get very far past the date.

Yeah Dixie, I'm definitely with you here but I can see it's a total non issue for others.

I think DH values kissing less than I do. He'll happily have sex without kissing whereas I want to do it all the time

Ah Xpost

To me, kissing is an affectionate gesture, but it's below other things such as cuddling, kind words, compliments, thanks, mucking in, laughin at each others jokes.

Yes for me kissing = affection, I realise it may be different for others and kissing isn't the only way of showing affection.

My DH dislikes it. He dislikes the wetty messiness. He dislikes the having someones face near his. He's very squeamish about saliva and bodily fluids - if we are chatting and i laugh or something and a speck of spit lands on him (rarely - but has happened about 3 times in our relationship) he totally over reacts and shouts 'don't spit on me' (in public ) it makes no difference if it was a complete accident. Once i licked my finger and tried to wipe something off his face and he flipped. He was furious. I got a 'don't EVER do that to me again' talking to. He is the same about lots of things - he can't touch certain foods (raw meat, cheese, butter etc). He likes a dry dinner.

It doesn't bother me now. It did in the beginning tho and i became very sad about it. I do miss a good deep kiss tho.

I think being good at kissing comes with practice. If you don't like it you don't practice it, so you aren't very good at it, then you don't enjoy it when you do do it, because it's shit, so you don't do it often and don't get any practice. So it kind of becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

My DH wasn't a good kisser when we first kissed. I taught him how to become better with time, without his knowledge.

MrsK (hi btw. how are you doing now? ) What is a "good deep kiss"?

People talk about that sometimes and I don't know what it means.

Is that when someone throws their tongue right down your throat and slobbers down your oesophagus? or is it 'deep' as in some sort of emotional closeness?

Blimey, Mrs koala-you're more tolerant than me, if he'd reacted like that I'd have up ended a pan of water over him!

A deep kiss = totally absorbed with the other person, lips locked, arms round each other, weak at the knees, butterflies in your stomach. Proper swoony

If my kisses with Dh were 'wet with saliva' I wouldn't want to kiss him. A good kiss imo is not 'wet.'

Hi iseeyou, i mean deep as in you are both lost in it. you both close your eyes and get swept away, you are moving in perfect symmetry getting slighter deeper (not tongue right down your throat tho) and lighter in synchronism, reading each other perfectly and having that feeling of total intoxication so that when you do both stop, you feel a little wobbly, disoriented and slightly drunk.

Oh yes, that slightly dizzy feeling!

i should caveat that DH is 'on the spectrum' and is weird about this kind of thing. it is something which has to be empathetic i think, it is all to do with syncing with someone. So if you have issues around that, then i doubt it will feel natural to you. Once it is fluid and natural then it's a stiff, rigid, unpleasant kiss. I'd rather have no kiss than a bad one i'm afraid.

My DH is a good kisser but I'm not really into open mouthed kissing. He is wasted on me!

*once it ISN'T fluid