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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think MNers can be better than this

654 replies

IceBeing · 05/02/2014 17:52

OPs may be ignorant, they maybe obtuse, they may be in the wrong and they may be trolls...

but how can dozens upon dozens of swearing riddled instructions to carry out intimate acts be considered a reasonable response?

For some people MN is the first forum they frequent. It is perfectly possible to post something that is innocently ignorant yet massively outrageous to MNers. Then suddenly you are being called all the names under the sun and told to fuck yourself preferably until dead? really?

Believe me it can be a massive shock that people say things on the internet they would never say in real life. It is possible to feel very very frightened and threatened by such an onslaught.

AIBU to think if the last 5 posters have covered the 'fuck off to the far side of fuck' angle then maybe you don't need to stick the boot in too?

The best case scenario is that the person on the other end is indeed a troll....in which case why are you giving them what they want?

OP posts:
catsrus · 06/02/2014 18:08

There is rarely such a thing as "an obvious troll" that's one problem, the other is that trolls post in order to get a reaction - so 'piling in' gives them what they want.

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 18:09

Mumsnet troll policy

We thought it was about time we outlined and explained Mumsnet policy on the thorny issue of trolls. (For those who don't know, a troll is someone who poses as someone else in order to stir up trouble, fulfil their own perverted agenda, or just for the hell of it.)

Unfortunately, it's not always immediately obvious whether a poster is, in fact, a troll. We all tend to be a bit suspicious of new folks posting things of a sensitive or inflammatory nature, but we would rather Mumsnetters erred on the side of giving folks the benefit of the doubt, and risked being made to look a bit foolish once in a while, than pounce on someone who may turn out to be genuinely in need of help. We hope you agree.

That said, we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

If you're concerned that someone is trolling, do please let us at MNHQ know all about them by pressing the Report button or mailing us at [email protected]. We will always reply to your report or mail, and we promise take your concerns seriously and closely monitor any potential troublemakers.

But do, please, resist the urge to 'trollhunt' on the boards: in our experience, trolls thrive on attention the more dramatically other posters react, the more likely they are to stick around and cause mayhem. Ignore their posts and, usually, they'll go away.

We are conscious that most Mumsnetters have enough stresses in their lives without finding more on here. But, on the bright side, considering the number of users and discussions, disturbances are mercifully few and far between not least because you, the members, use the Report post function to police the boards extremely effectively and with a good deal of common sense.

ChocolateWombat · 06/02/2014 18:09

I felt this issue yesterday. There was a thread asking what is wrong with the Daily Mail. It is still running.
From the Ops later posts, I think it was a genuine question. The first load of replies were really rude to the OP and ganging up and self congratulatory. They knew why the Daily Mail is unpleasant so basically accused the OP of being thick and were smug and mocking whilst congratulating themeselves on their cleverness. It wasn't just one poster who said this, but loads. Luckily, it then improved. I thought the Op had asked a reasonable question and just wanted an answer. She continued to be polite despite the rude replies.
Is this the kind of thing this post is about or am I misunderstanding and luckliy just haven't seen that kind of thread?

ChocolateWombat · 06/02/2014 18:11

My post relate to the original Q, rather than trolling which it seems to now be about. Hope that is okay.

YouTheCat · 06/02/2014 18:14

Disablist posts, in the past, have not been unanimously jumped on. That is why they get people's backs up so much.

And I don't see what harm telling someone with vile, disablist views to fuck off does tbh (not that I tend to tell people to fuck off anyway). If they aren't a troll then it sends out the message that if that is how they think they can either engage and educate themselves or they can bugger off somewhere else because their ignorance isn't required here.

JingleBrains · 06/02/2014 18:14

Hi Hully, so good to see you (just sayin')

Misspixietrix · 06/02/2014 18:17

No Chocolate you have it spot on! :) The troll was just an example and posters ran away with it per se.

Shufty · 06/02/2014 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 18:23

It's interesting also to hear that MNHQers have been troll hunted. I imagine there must be very few MN members who haven't been. I think people ought to be warned on joining that they will be, and not on any account to take it personally. Because if you don't know that it's so common, ie more or less inevitable, you will take it personally.

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 18:25

I think what's odd, Shufty, is that it's never resolved.

Shufty · 06/02/2014 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 06/02/2014 18:30

I've never been troll hunted in my years of posting. Probably because I've never trolled. It's very far from inevitable.

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 18:32

Some of us are just eternal optimists, and can never give up hope of MNHQ's talk guidelines being respected. Grin

And the lion shall lie down with the lamb.

Pagwatch · 06/02/2014 18:32

The idea that disablist comments have been or currently are dealt with almost imediately is utter nonsense.
I don't blame mnhq for that, the worst threads are usually apparently guiless questions where upsetting views are expressed without breaking guidelines. For years mnhq tried to adopt the line that parents of chikdren ith disabilities/SN should 'educate' the 'why should my child have to sit next to a child with SN' types.
Fortunately they have seen the light and I think genuinely try to stop the types of thread that left so many upset.

And I am heartened by how many posters who are not directly affected do post on these types of threads now.

YouTheCat · 06/02/2014 18:32

I have no idea if I am known/not known or whatever. But in 3 years I have never been accused of being a troll.

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 18:33

You've never spoken up for someone with an 'unpopular' opinion, then, MorrisZapp.

YouTheCat · 06/02/2014 18:36

I have. I often speak out. I am not a sheep and don't care if 50 previous posters have said something contrary to what I post.

2tiredtocare · 06/02/2014 18:50

I do think a lot of people have forgotten what it is like to be new and not know all the unwritten rules, i'm not thinking about yesterdays thread specifically as it upset a lot of people for good reason but I have seem some OP's being torn to shreds for ill thought out rather than malicious threads. If you have superior intellect why not use it to explain the mistake rather than harangue someone? When I was new I posted in AIBU and whilst most people were kind some were downright abusive and they stuck with me and I was glad I was on DC3 not DC1 or I would have been brought low by it. At the time some posters said 'what do you expect? It's AIBU' well quite frankly I didnt know what to expect as I was new but it wasnt that!

SelectAUserName · 06/02/2014 18:56

I suppose my view is that if the disablist (or any -ist) OPs were left to sink without trace and just quietly reported to MNHQ, there would be less mileage in trolls starting them as they wouldn't get the sought-after response and so they would reduce naturally, as would the amount of heartache they caused. While people continue to jump on them, even with the best of intentions, then trolls have a reason to continue starting those threads as they're getting their equivalent of the "oxygen of publicity". So those trying to do right might actually be inadvertently making things worse.

And I say that as the wife of a disabled DH.

LtEveDallas · 06/02/2014 18:57

I've been on MN for almost 10'years. I've never been troll hunted. I have stuck up for the 'little man' many times. I've namechanged for upsetting/personal and embarassing posts and never been troll hunted.

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 18:59

Yes, Select, that is most people's view.

Shufty · 06/02/2014 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SelectAUserName · 06/02/2014 19:02

So why don't we manage to do that then, falaaalaaa? (Genuine question.)

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 19:03

Because a small minority don't agree that you get rid of trolls by ignoring them.

falaaalaaa · 06/02/2014 19:07

It's a bit like the Flat Earth Society.

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