to want SAHMs to divulge how much money they have to spend?

[YesAnastasia]

How much money do non earning SAHM get to actually spend? On clothes, hair/beauty or whatever they want.

I want to know if I'm being unreasonable to want more or if I am spoilt and should suck it up because things are tight.

I have £134.80 a month to myself (yes that's probably a familiar to a lot of you) except when you're a parent, not much is ever just for you anymore is it?

That's ok isn't it? Or is it? It doesn't feel like it, especially when there are birthdays etc. Anyway, what do you get?

Are you happy with this current arrangement ?

Do you never do the shopping then ?

Half what is left over after bills etc, same as DH. Some months more, some less. Can't think there's another way to split it really.

The child benefit goes into my account as dh works during the week so if dd needs anything it's easier for me to buy it.
food shopping, bills etc come out of the joint account.
I have a private income of about 300 a month which pays for my phone, the odd magazine, haircuts, the odd lunch out.
I don't have a car so no expense there I walk everywhere. I also upcycle furniture which doesn't earn me much or regular money but gives me something towards holiday savings.
I do love clothes shopping so I get clothing vouchers for Christmas and birthdays and actually this way I get more new clothes now than before having a baby.

Most months I don't spend anything on myself - I buy clothes when I need them (rather than when I fancy something new); get my hair cut around three times per year and don't really spend anything on 'beauty' stuff (I replace things when they run out, but I don't go shopping for new shampoo just because I'm bored of my current one).

Writing it down, it actually sounds pretty miserable! But we don't have a lot of money left after essentials and I'd rather buy for the DC (or spend money on admission to groups/clubs for them). DH spends even less on himself than I do. I have full access to and control over our joint finances.

I thought you meant to spend on food, taking the children out, etc, so was going to say my dh doesn't keep tabs although we don't have a lot to spare and he'd rightly say something if it got ridiculous.

But on clothes, hair etc - naff all! I last got a new item of clothing for my birthday 11 months ago!! I can't remember the last time dh got a new item of clothing either though, it should be equal imo unless he needs something for work.

That 134 figure sounds a bit like the child benefit figure for 2 children? That's not your money, it's supposed to be spent on the children, not on your clothes and hair!! YABU if Child Benefit is being spent on you.

YesAnastasia you can't know if you're average, if you don't know what your husband earns or what your outgoings are. I am a SAHM and DH's salary goes into a joint account, we both spend what we need / want to and are both sensible enough not to spend so much we can't pay our bills. Do you have access to a joint account at all or is the only money you have access to the £134 a month? If the latter I would be very uncomfortable with that indeed. I would not be a SAHM if i didn't have full access to our family income - DH's salary is just that, family income, not 'his money'. I can understand not being terribly interested in financial things but that is no excuse for knowing nothing about them. What if, god forbid, something happened to your husband - you would not know how much money you needed to get by or how much was usually coming in, you wouldn't know where the savings were etc. Furthermore, we went to a solicitor about making wills recently and were advised that when a person dies, their bank accounts are frozen, and unless our account was a joint one (which thankfully it is) if DH died suddenly then I would not have been able to pay the mortgage or any bills because I wouldn't have had access to any money. That may seem a bit morbid but is something to be aware of.

If he's that thrifty then he should be putting savings in your name as you won't pay tax on them. But that might mean you knew what was going on, if he wouldn't like that then you have a problem.

Anastasia I think I would be uncomfortable with not knowing what savings/investments my DH had, likewise any borrowings. If anything were to happen to your DH (God forbid) then how would you know what provision had been made for you and your DC.
Sorting out someones estate is complicated enough at what is already a very stressful and traumatic time without the added stress of having to try and unravel any assets/liabilities, and discovering if you and your DC will be provided for. And in the event he ever decided to divorce you, he may not be honest and open about his assets.

We have a joint account oh spend pretty much nothing ibuy want I want however I do know that anything over about £150 would need to be talked out I have on occasion known to engnore that lol

Don't have a set amount to spend, have a manicure every week and go out for coffee/lunch at least once a week as well as popping to town or shopping centres (usually because I've for gotten something)

I don't know how much we spend on bills but I do have full access to all accounts, statements and payslips

I do work for 4 hours a week and earn £115 a month but intend to save that, I usually go halves on face creams, hair wax and everyday clothes and shoes and craft stuff. I would pay if I fancied a new top for no real reason

We have a joint account for all household/child expenses (but not mrtgage for some reason) I tend to use my own account more (don't even know where my card is for the joint account) so if I do grocery shopping/buy DS stuff etc I pay. DP would use the joint account in equivalent situations. I think CB goes into joint account but may go directly to DP.
DP works a bit - and retains all that money plus I pay 400 a month to DP directly for personal use. Not sure what it gets used for as tbh DP appears to use joint account for most things- coffees and lunches etc.

Its a bit of an artificial split to be honest- its a hangover from when we were both working full time and had a joint household account- DP tends to look after household bills and banking and it was just easier to do it like that plus I like a bit of privacy financially. I am the spendthrift but don't need/want anyone judging my spending

i did get criticised thought on MN for paying DP 400 - apparently DP shouldn't be paid to look after DS- I think its just an optics thing though and if the 400 was just in the joint account and could be used by either of us it would be the same thing

OK, I didn't read the full thread due to dodgy computer that takes ages to load.

OP, I have full access to our joint bank account (in fact, we don't have an individual account any more, no point really when I'd have nothing in mine)...it does sound like an unusual arrangement you've got with your dh. Whilst I don't get my hair cut (ok, maybe a friend does it every 6 months or so) or go out for lunch, it's not because dh won't let me, it's because we don't have funds for that at the moment. It sounds like you have very little choice or freedom - to take the children somewhere spontaneously without asking for the money. What about bus fares if you don't drive? I don't drive either and bus fares are my main expense.

If the 134 was spending money for you to spend on clothes, lunches and haircuts, I'd think you were very well off, but it sounds like you have to spend it to have any choice in the children's clothes, to buy family birthday presents etc?

Things like children's clothes - well I can go for months without spending anything then they suddenly grow and need it all at once. or need new shoes that are expensive, etc etc.

Are you really happy with the arrangement you have?

It's kind of annoying the number of people saying that they trust each other, are intelligent adults etcetc therefore can both spend what they like within reason from the joint account, no need for individual money. Tbh you obv have plenty of money in that case! What if I check the balance and see there's plenty for me to get coffee and cake or whatever, then DH checks before my spends have gone out and sees there's enough for him to go and play squash, so we both take out £10 or £20, suddenly you're £40 down and maybe wouldn't have spent all that if you'd realised. We put everything in a joint account but take out £150 a month each, to spend how we want, only budgeting for our own wishes and not having to remember that the last food shop hasn't been paid off from the credit card or whatever.
It means I can save up, making little sacrifices myself, to buy DH a really good 30th birthday present for example. It's not about being given an allowance. I think the point is far more about transparency and control, we have equal share of 'spending money', used to be a lot less when we earned less, DH doesn't get more for earning more. And I would never be expected to pay for family stuff eg presents for my side of the family or DC's clothes out of it.
The other day I bought DH a twix, would have been less meaningful if I'd bought him a treat from the joint account, he appreciated the gesture and the fact it was a present from me :) bit of a naf example but meant to illustrate the benefit of not ALL your money being joint money.

We have only been married 4 years though so maybe we're destined for divorce...

OP

Do you have a pension? Does your DH have Life Assurance and critical illness cover? How many of the savings and investments are in your name?

What would happen to you as a family if your DH lost his job or became too ill to work or (God forbid) died?

I am a WOHM and DH was the SAHD until the DC started school and now he runs a small business. My occupational pension gives me critical illness cover and would pay a lump sum to DH if I died which would more than cover the mortgage. We both have savings and investments and we also have savings and investments for the children.

How well protected are you?

Yes I hated the unknown bank withdrawals at the start but just learned we needed a bigger float for DH, or it was all too fraught. I had to learn to let go a bit!

And I'll admit we have all but given up on the buying presents lark. Mind you so have my Mum and I and I love her very much, for both of them it's more about spotting something just right or bringing home a Twix at just the right moment!

My post was in answer to Swallows.

Money for myself?

Just for myself you mean?

Then its £0

CB and CTC is all I have coming in and that's money for the kids not me

swallows - yes, I think you make a fair point - I am one of those who says 'I take what I need' and I guess I know that we are comfortable so that if we each take £x amount per week as 'cash' we are not going to go overdrawn. Obviously I know that if I spend £xxx then we would go overdrawn. It is a luxury to have that option - we have been married a long time so roughly can anticipate each other's spending habits . I was very surprised recently to get a call from our credit card provider saying were we aware we had spent £500 on jewellery - this is so outside our normal spending habits that it was clear it was fraudulent unless DH has OW.

baby - if all you get is CB and CTC does it all have to be spent on the children; I don't mean to be sarky but do all their essentials add up to the total you receive?

I only ask this because recently another Mumsnetter asked if it was 'fair' to use part of the CB to buy something for herself. She genuinely believed that she had to spend it all solely on the children.

If you get nothing how do you buy anything for yourself - food/tampax etc?

Well, to me, £135 a month doesn't sound like very much, but how much 'spending money' does dh have?
I actually think SAHM should have more spare cash than their working partners, because they are likely to have more occasions to spend it.

I'm sure we all spend more than 70 a month or whatever child benefit is and feeding and housing our DC.

I don't have an amount that I'm 'allowed' to spend...all our money is in a joint account and we both use it as we wish. If it's a fair amount of money that I was going to spend then I'd discuss it first and so would DH...although clothes, make up, hair, kids clothes etc I spend at will. I'm not particularly mad about shopping so never go bonkers. I'm very lucky that I have that option, I remember a time when every penny was watched.

It's kind of annoying the number of people saying that they trust each other, are intelligent adults etcetc therefore can both spend what they like within reason from the joint account, no need for individual money. Tbh you obv have plenty of money in that case!

Why is this annoying to you? It's just one way for couples to manage their finances. What is annoying about it?

We do a joint budget and just list what's needed, whomever it's for. We don't have spending money as such. I probably spend about £20 a month on toiletries, have a haircut every other month, only buy clothes or shoes if I really need them. If we had more money I'd buy more clothes. But I can get by with a couple of pairs of jeans, boots and three or four tops. It's a million miles away from my pre dc days when I'd buy shoes for £100 just because I liked them.