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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want SAHMs to divulge how much money they have to spend?

401 replies

YesAnastasia · 05/02/2014 11:09

How much money do non earning SAHM get to actually spend? On clothes, hair/beauty or whatever they want.

I want to know if I'm being unreasonable to want more or if I am spoilt and should suck it up because things are tight.

I have £134.80 a month to myself (yes that's probably a familiar to a lot of you) except when you're a parent, not much is ever just for you anymore is it?

That's ok isn't it? Or is it? It doesn't feel like it, especially when there are birthdays etc. Anyway, what do you get?

OP posts:
Pollaidh · 06/02/2014 13:10

Our salaries (I am on paid ML but soon to be unpaid) go into our individual accounts. We transfer what is needed to the joint account. Bills etc paid by joint account. (Or actually by a cashback credit card, which we pay fully every month from the joint.) We each save an amount monthly as our income well exceeds our needs. I buy what I want and can afford, as does he, unless it's a major expense in which case we discuss (over £350 probably). But we tend to buy things jointly, have similar tastes, neither spends crazily, and always casually discuss purchases anyway. DH is paid much more than I am, hence has much more disposable income, but I am still well paid. He makes higher contributions to household expenses etc but there's not a formula.

During previous, and soon to be unpaid ML, he increased his contribution. I, in the preceding months, saved more of my salary into an instant access savings account, and he increased his contribution to the joint. So I can draw on my 'own' money without feeling I need to ask. I'll use this for gifts etc, but mostly I'll take money from the joint, as I am 'working' to produce and raise his offspring.

If one was a spendthrift and the other a splurger we'd probably need a different arrangement. Equally if money was tight we'd have to be more formal I think.

Fairylea · 06/02/2014 13:14

Sebs I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I'm sorry if I seemed harsh in any of my responses to you. I think a lot of my angst about this comes from being with my first husband who was utterly awful at paying for anything, let alone sharing anything so I feel like I'm on some sort of ridiculous personal crusade at times. .. sorry !

Take care of yourself x

sebsmummy1 · 06/02/2014 13:19

Hey it's ok, just not feeling my normal robust self and didn't want to disappear as though huffy xx

Original poster
YesAnastasia · 06/02/2014 13:21

Me too Sebs, I'm so sorry that's happened to you. No, It doesn't make you a weak flower but having been through it - it's shit and it's takes a while. Take care of yourself.

OP posts:
Pollaidh · 06/02/2014 13:22

Sorry, just seen you actually want figures, although as someone else has said, not sure how useful as it surely depends on your total income and outgoings. £400 or something like that? Not sure. A lot of that is essential due to a health issue I have. Otherwise it's lunches and coffees with baby-friends, mobile bill, hairdresser once or twice a month (again necessary due to health), minimal beauty stuff, books, some clothes but not much as trying to fit back into my old clothes.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. it's horrible for you, be kind to yourself. I hope you're being well supported.

Original poster
YesAnastasia · 06/02/2014 13:54

Anyway, I have voiced my (your...) concerns and he will do a list of accounts/financial stuff I need to know in case he dies.

I asked him just as he was going to sleep because I remembered - that might have been a bit mean.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/02/2014 14:26

sebs
Thanks sorry to hear what you are going through

diabolo · 06/02/2014 15:42

I'm starting a full time degree in September after 10 years of working part time so won't have my own income for 3 years.

I don't spend a lot on myself, haircut every couple of months, lipstick etc comes with a normal grocery shop and I only buy clothes with birthday or Christmas present money.

But I do spend about £50 per month on books which will have to stop. Luckily I 'll be busy studying so won't be too much of a problem.

diabolo · 06/02/2014 15:46

That's my choice btw, to stop spending money on books when I'm not earning. I'm sure DH would have no objection, but it wouldn't feel right to me.

BarbarianMum · 06/02/2014 15:47

About £30 a month.

It wasn't an allowance, it reflected what we could afford. Dh probably had slightly less but a bigger clothing allowance cause he needed smart clother for work.

apocketfulofposy · 06/02/2014 15:47

i spend as much as i want,i dont know the exact amount but if i want to buy something then i do,money isnt tight for us so i guess if it was i would ask first and check we can afford it.

fishybits · 06/02/2014 15:49

Cash - anything left over from the housekeeping so about £40 a week

Credit card - anything I want for either DD or I, sometimes a tenner a month sometimes more. It's paid off every month as we use it like a debit card but just to rack up air miles.

We don't have a joint bank account as I don't want one.

apocketfulofposy · 06/02/2014 15:50

i honestly dont see it as his money either,its mine too,were married,half of its mine!

Whatnamenext · 06/02/2014 22:21

I know the thread has moved on, but

"I think I'm going to buy this trouser press/hostess trolley/fondue set - is that alright by you?" Made me snort. I want to live in that house Grin

Onsera3 · 06/02/2014 22:34

I get £300 per month for things for me and DS. Doesn't include things like gifts (we put money aside in a separate acc for that) or mobile phone etc.

It's for clothes, Starbucks, toiletries(other than supermarket ones), contact lenses, tube fares and other random things.

DH only gives himself £50!.

It's not about it being all I'm allowed- it's all we have decided we can afford as we have a lot of one off expenses this year. I don't quite get the whole I'm an adult so I shouldn't have an allowance thing. We just like having a clear cut budget.

Jux · 06/02/2014 23:16

YOu're not spending someone else's money. It's family money, earnt by both of you. He goes out to work for an employer and you enable that by looking after the children.

Otherwise you'd be out earning money as an employee too, and the pair of you would be paying out a fortune in childcare.

Don't for one moment think that the money his employer pays him is his alone. It is yours too. You work far longer hours I bet, with fewer breaks. It's just as much your money as his.

That's how it is in 2014.

whostolemybreeze · 07/02/2014 05:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

likeit · 07/02/2014 09:38

Can't be trusted with full access to a bank account because I will rinse it so OH transfers £200 at the beginning of the week.

likeit · 07/02/2014 09:38

Sorry didn't realise thread was 12 pages long so apologies if it's moved on.

DinoSnores · 07/02/2014 09:48

I have no idea. We both spend the money in the bank account if we need to, running major purchases past each other just to check that we have the money/need it/want it enough etc.

vitaminC · 07/02/2014 09:55

I buy whatever I want, whenever I want, from the joint account (not a SAHM, but a full-time student with no personal income right now), as does DH. We have a budget and both know roughly how much "spending money" we can afford each month.

We trust each other to be sensible and any large purchases are discussed and decided together. I manage the day-to-day finances, but he checks the account regularly so he knows what he can reasonably spend or not.

We also have one credit card which we use for large purchases (or surprises we don't want to other to see on the joint account), but which gets paid off each month.

canyourearme · 07/02/2014 09:57

I have recently returned v part time to work, do weekends so sahm during the week. Anyway, i dont get anything. Joint account, we share.

funnyossity · 07/02/2014 10:06

whostolemybreeze, I think as you do but this is perhaps because my husband and I started from the same point, young and neither of us with property or thoughts of, for example, trust funds.

Looking at sebsmummy's posts and the thread recently about partners not getting married because of an inherited property - perhaps it becomes an issue where people enter into a relationship from very different economic situations?

Proseccoisnotrah · 07/02/2014 10:07

This is really interesting. We don't have joint finances, just because it was more convenient to keep them separate at first and we have never had a reason to change things.

DH outearns me by a lot and I am part time at the moment. I keep my wages and child benefit and pay for childcare, my phone bill, gym membership and my own credit card if I have spent anything on it. DH pays the household bills out of his account. I have a credit card linked to his account which I can use if I need to but I hardly ever do.

I don't think this makes us any less of a team and we have actually never ever argued about money. If I wasn't earning then I would be happy to have the same arrangement as op so long as it was enough money to cover the month. Which the CB probably isn't op. You need to speak to him.

MarshaBrady · 07/02/2014 10:09

Any £ is for both of us. Sometimes I have more depending on freelance work I am doing.

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