to want SAHMs to divulge how much money they have to spend?

[YesAnastasia]

How much money do non earning SAHM get to actually spend? On clothes, hair/beauty or whatever they want.

I want to know if I'm being unreasonable to want more or if I am spoilt and should suck it up because things are tight.

I have £134.80 a month to myself (yes that's probably a familiar to a lot of you) except when you're a parent, not much is ever just for you anymore is it?

That's ok isn't it? Or is it? It doesn't feel like it, especially when there are birthdays etc. Anyway, what do you get?

What are we considering luxuries anyway? Are family birthday presents? Hair? Toiletries?

A SAHM is not entitled, not allowed, has no right to these things if she didn't earn the money for them? Seriously.

I'm glad that's not a common way of thinking (in 2014...)

I don't think you are wrong, it's just how I feel.

I might feel differently if we were married, but as it is I just feel extremely lucky to have someone who looks after me and our son so well.

I know so many people, family included, who work their arses off to try and keep a roof over their heads and can afford no luxuries whatsoever. In fact can bearly afford to heat the house or run the car and that is with both parents working.

So I guess I feel it's respectful for me not to abuse someone else's money and I guess to me there are certain things that to me ARE luxuries.

I pay for my hair care out of my savings.

sebs you are in a vulnerable position as a SAHM being unmarried. Is the house in joint names?

Spend on clothes when I need to, I hate clothes shopping, dh the same, neither of us are big spenders. I have never worn make up and dh cuts my hair (long and straight). Only luxury item is hair dye, currently purple.

I've never felt like that. If DH gets a pay rise we both increase our money for treats and personal money (and for the DC). If we didn't DH would end up with hundreds or more for himself and me a lot less which wouldn't be an equal partnership.

All money is joint here. I'm a SAHM, budget is tight but I can spend whatever I want as can DH. Neither of us would spend over about £20 on personal stuff without asking the other as money is very tight here. But neither is it asking 'permission' as such, it's just checking that it's possible, reminding each other of expenditure that's coming up etc. both of us always prepared to go without/postpone purchase if necessary so we don't argue over it fortunately. Luckily we are both of a frugal mindset so there's no conflict of opinion.

I probably actually spend about £30 per month on myself, coffee with a friend, possibly a book for my kindle, getting hair cut/coloured every 6-7 weeks. I get all my clothes from charity shops and shop once every 3 months or so for the next season...probably spend about £30 every 4 months or so. Kids' clothing expenditure is similar though once a year I do a splurge on uniform items when they are in the sales and stock up for the next year or so, might spend £120 or so, but have got 3 DCs so not too bad overall.

Dunno the exact figure, I just buy what I need/want (within reason) if there's enough money left.

Nope, it's not in joint names and I am fully aware of how vulnerable I am.

Oh, and as far as I'm concerned a SAHP is contributing financially; they're saving the household the cost of full-time childcare.

double sorry not understanding the 'hair shirt' reference? Can you explain?

Very interesting point you make about women's guilt etc. but as an feminist I found a lot of assumptions in your post very startling (genuinely not a criticism, just really startling)

Stylist? Why? Why would you go to one?

The linking of being happy/wearing nice clothes/feeling good about yourself and this being what a DH 'wants'!!

Seb there is a thread at the moment about a women who wants to leave her partner of 12 years but has no claim to the home and can't afford to. I know everyone's circumstances are different but it's worth a read. Oh and hang on to your savings, when they are gone they are gone.

If I had to use savings to pay for things like my own haircut while dh had his own spending money I would tell him where to shove it. How ridiculously unfair, I'd feel really resentful. (In response to sebs).

If neither of you have any spare money then that is something different entirely but to be unequal just because one of you works at home and one outside the home is a throwback to 1900.

It just depends on how much money there is, surely.

When my children were very small we wer utterly skint and neither of us spent any money on ourselves. Even now I probably spend about £50 and that's just yoga. Can't often afford clothing, now winter boots this winter (thak god it's not too cold)

I also work but most of my money pays bills just like DPs.

sebs - even more reason not to spend what money you do have on regular expenses. What plans does your partner have to make you more financially secure? Are you going to be getting married or getting your name added to the deeds of the house?

Maybe that is why you don't feel you have any right to spend 'his' money on yourself, because you know that he could cut you off without a penny at a moments notice. Are you trying to stay under the radar with your expenditure?

I'm not SAHM mum but just gone on mat leave for DC2 and will do same as when I was for DD.

I get my mat pay. I pay my car insurance, mobile, share of groceries, stuff for DD plus give myself £100 a month "spending" money. If I want something that's over and above that I tell DH I'm using the credit card and then when the bill comes in it gets paid in full from his account.

I do all the household banking and finances and even though we have separate accounts it's all one pot really. DH doesn't care as long as we save what we plan to each month, we never owe any money (obviously not including mortgage) and the bills get paid.

Ishall - we are similar. Different accounts but all one pot if that makes sense. No one has more than the other to spend even if we don't always spend equally. If anything, my account is much more flush than husbands.

Fair enough *double! thanks for replying.

Yes probably different in the UK and I am from a particular time and place in terms of feminism...think 1980s Greenham common protests etc? New York stylists are not in my world at all!

When I was a SAHM I just spent what I wanted which actually was never that much but I Coyle have spent more. DH has never viewed his money as just his it is our money,

I don't want to sound like a weak flower but I'm in the middle of a miscarriage at the moment so don't really feel strong enough mentally at the moment to have a strong debate about my future security.

I am healthy and can work once my son is at school. My son has a trust fund so will be fine in the future.

sebs I'm very sorry about your miscarriage, look after yourself. x

no limit, but I am sure there would be if I went crazy.

After groceries, I reckon I spend about £400 a month.