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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my dds to have packed lunches?

102 replies

Dancergirl · 05/02/2014 10:12

My 2 younger dds are 11 and nearly 7. They are fussy-ish eaters especially the 11 year old.

However I have always insisted on school dinners because:

-I can't face making packed lunches day in day out for years on end

-I think it's good for fussy eaters in the long run to be exposed to different types of food rather than a limited choice in their lunch box

The school has recently changed their supplier to one where the food is better quality and cooked fresh. They didn't mind (too much) the old food, however they really don't like the new food.

There is a fairly low take up on school meals at the school, not for financial reasons but there seem to be a lot of fussy eaters who don't like the school food.

So am I being mean on insisting on school lunches? My thinking is - there is a perfectly fine, freshly cooked meal available, I don't see the need to make a packed lunch. I also cook in the evening.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/02/2014 15:01

Your kids so it's up to you

I'm lucky my Mum took the view that it's my lunch so it's up to me

I think I would have resented her if she forced me to eat school dinners because she couldn't face making packed lunches.

LydiaLunches · 05/02/2014 15:04

When I do have to make a packed lunch I find it quite an undertaking, certainly takes a lot more than 10 minutes and I wouldn't give them the same thing every day so I can't see that routinely doing it would save me any time. Making sure that we don't run out of the components and having all the boxes clean and home would be a problem too I think (full time shift workers x2, no car). I don't think I'm pathetic Hmm

LydiaLunches · 05/02/2014 15:06

I also remember really hoping that it wasn't liver and bacon, corn beef hash or something else I didn't like that day, but I don't remember thinking that not eating it was a realistic option.

Ragwort · 05/02/2014 15:13

Just let the children know that it will be a straightforward packed lunch - ie: cheese sandwich and an apple, no little treats or extras. How on earth can making a packed lunch take 'a lot more than 10 minutes' - what planet are some of you on Hmm. I nearly always make sandwiches for my DS (and DH Grin) every morning at the same time we have breakfast - cut bread/butter it/throw on ham or cheese/wrap in foil/take piece of fruit from fruit bowl - how does that take 10 mins? Confused. You could use sliced bread to save time !

I hated school meals as a child and whenever I have taken up the invitation to 'share a school dinner' with my DS I can see the standards have not improved - and the cost alone is enough to put me off. Two children having school meals must be at least £20 a week - that sounds like a lot of money to me which could be better spent in many ways.

glitterz · 05/02/2014 15:14

Op mentioned two DC's and said 'I can't face making packed lunches day in day out' i.e can't be bothered. I make three packed lunches in the morning, one for myself, DH and DS all before leaving the house at 7am to got to work. It takes 15 mins max, including tidying/washing up, a headache, of course, but hardly chore of the century.

mumeeee · 05/02/2014 15:24

YABU. It"s not hard to make a packed lunch and get all the bits together. You just need to plan a bit and make sure you buy what's needed in the weekly shop. I used to make 4 packed lunches. when my children were at school, 3DDs and DH. yes I know he could have done his own but I did as I was making the others. DD3 would have never had coped with a school dinner in Primary school as she is Dyspraxic and was a very slow eater.

ScentedScandal · 05/02/2014 15:31

'Don't be ridiculous' LolGrin why ask then?Confused

I wouldn't want to pay for school dinners that my dc clearly didn't like and probably wouldnt even eat, but go ahead if you want to...

Kewcumber · 05/02/2014 15:32

YANBU - sending them to school with a dry crust and a can of coke would be delinquent parenting. Perfectly decent school lunches not so much...

If they are slightly fussy eaters then they probably don't like them just because its changed and they need tome to get used to it. Pandering to your childrens desire to have exactly what they want for lunch isn't any better a parenting decision than preferring them to be exposed to a variety of foods that their friends are eating - its just how to phrase it.

No packed lunches aren't the chore of the century (what is? Confused ) doesn't mean you want to do them.

My son was institutionalised for a year and ate a virtually identical breakfast, lunch and tea every single day... trying to get on a high horse and claim that not making packed lunch is some kind of neglectful parenting does get my goat a bit its so prissy.

Having one adequate meal a day which isn't their favorite isn;t going to do them any harm and they may even learn that if you persist with something that sometimes you do actually like it.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 05/02/2014 15:34

YANBU to consider the making of packed lunches every day a time consuming faff. I am shattered at the end of a day of working/ mealtimes/ clearing up/ reading etc and it is a bit of a pita.(I have to make them for DCs days with CM). I am hoping once my DCs are at school they will be offered decent school meals and will like them.
But if they really don't like the school dinners I think I would make e packed lunch. Just get a good efficient shopping/ prep system going.

A friend of mine used to make a weeks worth of sandwiches and freeze them Grin
You can also do that with scones, falafel, houmus, cookies.
Batch cook flapjacks
Chop up veg and stash in fridge baggies...

Kewcumber · 05/02/2014 15:36

I used to make 25 packed lunches every hour and it only took me 60 seconds - I don't see the problem [passive aggressive emoticon]

How is that relevant? I used to be Finance director of a major multinational company and travel a lot and managed a number of staff and 35 companies across Europe - surely you can all do that and want to?

I couldn't do it myself now and wouldn't want to - so I don't. Much like OP's packed lunches.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/02/2014 15:52

I became a fussy eater because of school dinners. Those were the days though when you were forced to eat it, it put me off many things for life.
Luckily in my last few years of school they introduced pack lunches.
My ds did have school dinners though, and I think it made him experiment more.
There's no right answer Op, it's up to you.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/02/2014 16:20

We'll still not sure I'd risk having my dd not eat a decent dinner up to age 11 merely to discover macaroni and cheese Hmm

Your kids you do what you want. Not sure why you asked given your responses.

And actually studies show now that the best way to get children who are fussy and have problems with food is not to starve them into submission but to give them what they will eat and make other things available for them to help themselves to try and for food not to be a focus.

Windmillsinthesand · 05/02/2014 16:34

Why would you pay for something that they might not eat ,you are throwing money away.

Ragwort · 05/02/2014 16:46

Agree Wind - people must have a lot of disposable (literally Grin) income if they can spend £20+ on school lunches every week.

clarabellabunting · 05/02/2014 16:52

I'm of the same mind as you, OP, so YANBU.

My DH and I both work full time and it takes all of the energy we have to get through our current daily routine with our two DDs and to keep the house in a just about livable-in state.

DD1 is always begging me to let her have pack lunches and the answer is always 'no' - mainly because I don't want to have to organise and make them. She is quite fussy and her taste in food has expanded a lot thanks to school dinners. She comes home now and tells me she enjoyed some tofu at lunch or that she really likes moussaka now! But she'd still choose a packed lunch in a heartbeat.

For those saying it's no trouble to make a packed lunch - not everyone has the time to take on an extra daily task - no matter how quick.

On school-trip days when DD has to bring a packed lunch, I even - shock, horror - buy a ready made sandwich from the supermarket rather than make one! Blush

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/02/2014 16:54

For those saying it's no trouble to make a packed lunch - not everyone has the time to take on an extra daily task - no matter how quick

Well no offence but if they have time to post on here they have time to manage a lunch box :o

Besides how do they cope on sick days?? Surely they have to sort lunch then too or do kids only eat lunch at school not home Confused

DownstairsMixUp · 05/02/2014 17:01

Can't you just do the packed lunch before you go to bed? DS always has a cheese and marmite sandwich then I just vary what goes with it, usually a fresh fruit juice, a piece of fruit, some raisins/nuts then a small treat like a biscuit or chocolate. Stick it in the fridge then already to go the next day!

Original poster
Dancergirl · 05/02/2014 17:12

I honestly am trying to take on board what's being said, otherwise why post?!

But this has become a bit of competetive parenting - 'I make 4,5, 100 packed lunches every day etc, its no bother'. For those who have called me lazy, I have 3 dc not 2 and am studying/on placement at the moment and have a dh who works long hours so pretty much everything to do with the dc is down to me. Plus an elderly mother who sometimes needs my help.

I often need time to study in the evening and do plenty of other chores in the evenings too. And pre-teen and teen girls need you to be around more in the evenings to chat and sort out any issues etc. I put a lot of effort into being a mother, just because I choose not to make packed lunches doesn't make me lazy.

I suppose I could look into compromising - I think they have an option to mix and match dinners with packed lunches.

As for what to put in them - all the things people have suggested, my 11 year old wouldn't eat. She doesn't eat any fruit, flapjacks, yoghurt. The only extra things she might eat have probably been banned - she'd be left with just a sandwich and a drink!

OP posts:
TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 05/02/2014 17:17

For those saying it's no trouble to make a packed lunch - not everyone has the time to take on an extra daily task - no matter how quick.

If you have the time to post on Mumsnet, you have the time to make a sandwich.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/02/2014 17:20

Well I honestly think you needy work on what your 11yr old will eat. Once she goes to secondary school it's I limited access to junk so you do need to work on this. And not in a "oh she may try at school" way.

Clearly this hasn't had that much if an effect after six years if primary. So even though she eats the odd thing it's clearly not working.

Maybe having her help cook and come up with a list if things she is willing to try is better than her going hungry.

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2014 17:27

And pre-teen and teen girls need you to be around more in the evenings to chat and sort out any issues etc.

So chat while you're making a couple of sandwiches?

Or seeing as though your DD is 11, she could make them for her and her sister?

But if you have time to cook from scratch in the evenings, you have 10 minutes to put a couple of lunches together.

Otherwise how do you manage to cook if your evenings are precision timed, right down to the minute?

HoratiaDrelincourt · 05/02/2014 17:27

"If you've got time to MN you've got time to bleach the skirting boards/alphabetise your underpants/volunteer with three-legged donkeys" is such a specious argument.

I am MNing because I'm bfing. I can't make a packed lunch while the baby is latched on. You can't make a packed lunch while you're on your lunch break at work, or while you're waiting in the school playground for the teacher to let the class go.

And even if one were at home, all the "oh but it only takes five minutes" jobs would add up to several hours. There is no such thing as "just".

LiberalLibertine · 05/02/2014 17:31

I don't think you're lazy op. I do packed lunches and I'm lazy!

Would she eat hot food in a flask? Soup? Pasta?

I know the feeling of not wanting to take any more chores on, just think if they're really not eating it could be worth giving it a go?

didldidi · 05/02/2014 17:33

Surely there's no incentive to eat the school dinner if the know the are going to get another cooked from scratch meal at night?

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2014 17:35

didl school dinners, fed to the masses rarely resemble a home cooked dinner made from scratch Grin