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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my dds to have packed lunches?

102 replies

Dancergirl · 05/02/2014 10:12

My 2 younger dds are 11 and nearly 7. They are fussy-ish eaters especially the 11 year old.

However I have always insisted on school dinners because:

-I can't face making packed lunches day in day out for years on end

-I think it's good for fussy eaters in the long run to be exposed to different types of food rather than a limited choice in their lunch box

The school has recently changed their supplier to one where the food is better quality and cooked fresh. They didn't mind (too much) the old food, however they really don't like the new food.

There is a fairly low take up on school meals at the school, not for financial reasons but there seem to be a lot of fussy eaters who don't like the school food.

So am I being mean on insisting on school lunches? My thinking is - there is a perfectly fine, freshly cooked meal available, I don't see the need to make a packed lunch. I also cook in the evening.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 05/02/2014 10:45

if you can afford it, why not? this is something you get pleasure out of too.

frogwatcher42 · 05/02/2014 10:46

Having been in school a few times for lunch and watched the kids eat the school dinners, I now give mine packed lunch.

It was sad to see kids whose parents think they are getting healthy school dinner, pick the very little they liked off the plate, fill up on the bread (they get a side dish of bread each day) and pudding (often stodgy or cake) and the parents are paying over £2 for it. The parents think their children have had a healthy nutritious meal (and yes, that meal was provided) but he kid isn't eating it. Quite frankly they would have been better with a packed lunch!!!

cory · 05/02/2014 10:47

I grew up in a country where everybody had school lunches (courtesy of the taxpayers), no discussion. It doesn't seem to have resulted in a higher proportion of fussy eaters than in this country.

having said that, I would probably try to strike a deal at least with the 11yo- you can have packed lunches if you take responsibility for preparing them every morning. If this does not get done, it's back to school lunches.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 05/02/2014 10:47

What's the point in paying for something they don't like or eat?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/02/2014 10:50

Exactly frog it's got nothing to do with pandering to fussy eaters. My dd came home having filled up on bread and cake. She was tired pale and bloated and frequently I'll because it left her full all day so a cooked balanced tea was out the question.

Even a repetitive basic backed lunch with the carbs protein and fruit etc that they WILL eat is a better option when no ones there to gently encourage a child to try the food.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/02/2014 10:51

And if the plan hadn't worked by age 11 and she's still fussy then clearly it's not going to work so your reasoning is out.

RufusTheReindeer · 05/02/2014 10:52

Agree with frog the meals are good at our school but for every child who has emptied their plate there is another who has barely touched theirs

My boys have never liked school dinners, I used to make them eat it on a Friday (as I knew they would eat it) but now only my youngest can have them I don't make him anymore

Having said that I don't think YABU, your reasons are very valid

SaucyJack · 05/02/2014 10:56

What's wrong with eating the same sandwich every day?

My two have Marmite more often than not (as do I). We have "interesting" dinners instead, so I really don't see the need to piss about with pack lunches as well.

frogwatcher42 · 05/02/2014 10:57

Giles - the thing that got to me most is that there is no gentle persuasion to eat the food. The lady at the scraping station would gently tell the children off for not eating their main course but my dc tell me that the kids got wise to that and would swop food with other kids or mash it up on their plates to make it look like they had eaten the veg etc. There were very few staff in the dinner hall and the older children were 'in charge' of the younger childrens table and they are not going to persuade a year 1 child to eat its carrots!!!! Also they get so little time to finish.

Or maybe our school is worse than most although it has got some sort of award for its dinners/dinner culture etc (I think) so I don't think so.

frogwatcher42 · 05/02/2014 10:58

Mind you - I found the meals delicious I have to say. But I appeared to be in the minority on my table of children!!!

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/02/2014 11:06

I think it mainly depends on the child. If they are hungry enough and eat a good portion of a main meal in the evenings on top of the school meal then I guess how much they do or don't eat doesn't matter so much. But I know my children wouldn't. A big meal at lunch renders anything more than toast and picky salad bits a waste of time. And that doesn't enable me to ensure a balanced diet after a stodgy carb heavy lunch.

So I frequently feel sorry for kids who's parents think that school meals are the answer to kids who won't eat because they still may well not be eating and if they can't manage a main meal on top then they are not receiving a balanced diet.

LoveSewingBee · 05/02/2014 11:10

I find it sad that a parent finds it even to bothersome to make a packed lunch for a child or teach their child how to do it themselves.

KnickersOnOnesHead · 05/02/2014 11:15

YANBU. Since DS (5) started fulltime school, and starting having school meals, he has started eating a wider range of things at home too. They have a few activities of an evening now so sometimes we only have time for sandwiches etc, at least they are getting a hot meal at school.

bigTillyMint · 05/02/2014 11:16

juneau are you me 4 years ago?Grin

I agree, it's not a big deal to make a packed lunch. If you involve them in designing balanced packed lunches, then hopefully they will eat what you give them.
If it's not all that balanced, then balance it out in the evening with your home cooking.

Mine have never forgotten to bring their lunch boxes homeConfused

KnickersOnOnesHead · 05/02/2014 11:16

*started having

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 05/02/2014 11:25

School dinners at primary are lukewarm at best.

LiberalLibertine · 05/02/2014 11:36

Frog that's exactly why my ds has packed lunch, oh and also that I know what is in the food I give him,I wouldn't be happy for him to eat cheap sausages for example, which he would, and nothing else!

Yes, it's another thing to do, but they need decent food to concentrate at school.

Op, if you've got the money for dinners, just buy pre packed seeds/nuts individual cheeses, yoghurts, fruit, then you've only got to do the sarneys!

juneau · 05/02/2014 11:52

Even a repetitive basic backed lunch with the carbs protein and fruit etc that they WILL eat is a better option when no ones there to gently encourage a child to try the food.

Exactly! My DS was only ever eating the pasta option and he would leave the sauce if it was tomato (which was every other day). So his 'balanced lunch' consisted of boiled pasta, a few sips of water and whatever was for pudding (his teacher only enlightened me that this was the case after he's switched to packed lunch Hmm) No wonder he was hungry and often constipated.

Now I put a balanced lunch that I know he will eat in his box each day and I get to see exactly what comes home, so I know what he hasn't eaten. Oh, and he doesn't suffer from constipation any more.

glitterz · 05/02/2014 13:03

Sorry op, you sound pretty lazy if you can't be asked to spend ten minutes each day to make packed lunches. It wouldn't be forever, just until DC's can make their own.

eightytwenty · 05/02/2014 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pumpkinsweetie · 05/02/2014 13:26

Lazy? Op hasn't mentioned how many children she has, more than one and it can become a pretty long job.

I have 4 lunches to pack, 5 including dhs, thats 10 slices of bread to butter, fill, slice, wrap and then the other bits that need doing and of course the washing-up that has to be done- cleaning out & drying 5 lunchboxes.
But i wouldn't make them do them themselves (apart from dh occasionally) as that is just lazy in itself. I do it, but it doesn't mean i don't find is laborious

FrenchJunebug · 05/02/2014 13:30

YANBU I would love a freshly cooked meal for lunch instead a sandwiches!

Original poster
Dancergirl · 05/02/2014 14:51

Sorry but that is just pathetic. Feeding out children is our job no matter how much of "a faff" it is.

Don't be ridiculous. Yes of course it's our job to feed our children and I try to do that very well. I cook from scratch most days and try to give my dc a healthy diet. It's our job to feed them but is it our job to pander to fussy eating? It's not about the food being terrible, the food is very good. I am a parent governor and know the ins and outs of the decision to change supplier. Lots of dds' friends I talk to say they like the food; other mums I talk to say their children like them. It's not about the food, it's about my dds fussiness. When I said there was a low uptake of dinners, it's not that low, it's probably around 60% school dinners on most days, that just seems low to me.

I don't get Mumsnet sometimes. Why is it ok to pander to children over lunches when at home it's of the 'eat it there's no alternative' way of thinking?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancergirl · 05/02/2014 14:54

Oh, I wouldn't have a problem at all with giving them the same packed lunch day in day out. But what I suspect will happen is that they'll very soon get bored of what they're having and the moaning will start again!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancergirl · 05/02/2014 14:56

And if the plan hadn't worked by age 11 and she's still fussy then clearly it's not going to work so your reasoning is out.

giles if anything it's my little one who complains more about the lunches who is the better eater out of them. My terribly fussy 11 year old learnt that she quite likes macaroni cheese by having it at school. And other things she's tasted she's said have been 'not too bad'. For her that's a miracle!

OP posts:
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