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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask the nanny to do a bit of light cleaning/ other chores while baby sleeps?

82 replies

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 01:15

Embarrassed to be posting such an overprivileged middle class question.

WE have recently employed a nanny/ babysitter 3 mornings a week to look after our 4 month old while i work upstairs. He sleeps for approximately half the time she is there. I told her she was welcome to watch TV/ read etc while he slept. She doesn't want to do any of that and just sits there doing nothing (her choice obviously.) Would it be unreasonable to ask her to do a bit of light cleaning/ clearing up or other chores during this time? I have been told nannies only do chores relating to the child- eg clearing up toys/ their laundry etc but his washing is mixed up with ours and don't really want her picking through all of our washing to get it out, and he is only 4 montsh so doesn't really make a mess with toys. THanks in advance.

OP posts:

MrsCakesPremonition · 05/02/2014 01:17

Perhaps if you put his clothes in his own laundry basket, the nanny could do that for you?

Caitlin17 · 05/02/2014 01:19

YABVVU. Nannies are not cleaners or housekeepers. I employed 3 nannies over a 12 year period I'd never have dreamt of asking them to do housework, that was the cleaner's role.

olympicsrock · 05/02/2014 01:23

Our nanny does general household laundry / cleaning / tidying for 1.5 hours after lunch while DS naps. I separate out delicates including my undies but she does everything else. I have said that she can take a lunch break but she eats with DS before his nap and doesn't want to sit doing nothing.

YAB totally reasonable!

Monty27 · 05/02/2014 01:26

I think it would be reasonable to give the nanny something to do, particularly if its boring for them. I would wash the baby's clothes separately at that age anyway, so get the nanny, and only if they are agreeable to it, to sort some of that for you? You'll be surprised how much that'll bring down your normal wash load.Other than that, clean round the worktops or something for the baby??

FootieOnTheTelly · 05/02/2014 01:29

I don't think its unreasonable to ask her! It's a bit unreasonable not to have thought it through beforehand though
I wouldn't mind if I were asked as long as I was receiving fair pay.

picklesauce · 05/02/2014 01:39

Yabu

Original poster

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 01:52

picklesauce can you elabourate?

OP posts:

Monty27 · 05/02/2014 02:09

That's interesting Pickle.

The thing is, the nanny might leave because they are bored.

Have a convo OP. Always works :)

OutragedFromLeeds · 05/02/2014 02:10

You should have thought about this before you took her on.

Nannies will do nursery duties as standard, but cleaning or anything else needs to be agreed in advance, it's more a nanny/housekeeper role then.

You can ask, but she would be within her rights to be pissed off that the job description has changed.

FlockOfTwats · 05/02/2014 02:12

I think it depends on the nanny. If she doesn't want to be sat down for X amount of time then you would not be unreasonable to give her something to do.

I've never worked in childcare but i used to frequently work through my lunch breaks (I worked with horses) because i was bored of sitting there after 20 minutes.

If she does want the time to just sit in peace though i think you would be unreasonable to expect her not to - She is there to care for your child. Not to do household chores.

Monty27 · 05/02/2014 02:16

You could pay her more if she was happy to do an hour's ironing or something?

Be good to them, that's the secret I think. I've had minders and cleaners and stuff and you just have to treat them really well, they're you're life line on some levels. My attitude was always that I was sharing my salary with them. If that makes sense. (I didn't earn billions or even millions but these people help you to earn your salary). Hope that wasn't too waffly

olidusUrsus · 05/02/2014 02:17

Ask her if you think she's up for it but pay her a little extra if she agrees. I think YWBU to expect her just to start tiding up after you - she's a nanny, not your personal maid.

Monty27 · 05/02/2014 02:18

In fact, a mediocre thousands, sorry last post got a bit carried away. But I still shared it with my support network just so I could work.

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 02:48

So - you said she could 'do as she pleased' (watch tv/read a book) and now because she is doing 'as she pleases' (sitting quietly minding her own business) you want to give her jobs to do?

I'm confused.

If you are worried she is bored - talk to her.

If you feel resentful that she isn't doing anything in the time you pay her for when the baby is sleeping, that's your problem, not hers.

picklesauce · 05/02/2014 02:53

Basically what chipping said

Original poster

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 03:00

Chippingin fair point. I guess it was more of a pathetic middle class fudge along the lines of me coming downstairs (I work from home upstairs) and seeing baby asleep and nanny sitting there on sofa and me saying: " do you want to watch tv/ read" and her replying " no" and continuing to sit doing nothing. I definitely agree that we should have discussed all this before starting but it was a last minute urgent thing- I had an unexpected work project and asked around for some temporary help to start the next day. She is the nanny of an acquaintance who had some spare hours. She has only done 3 days so far and wondering whether to continue the arrangement or advertise for someone who is prepared to do a combination of childcare and a bit of housework while the baby sleeps.

OP posts:

hazchem · 05/02/2014 03:06

Why not ask her? As in. I'm thinking about looking for someone who would do both nannying and house work? I know that isn't what we agreed initially but is that something you would be interested in? I know we didn't talk about it to start with but that is because I was in a rush.

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 03:07

So you are currently just paying her cash - no contract?

She is essentially 'babysitting' (you just happen to be home)?

How long did you ask her if she wanted/was free to do this for?

What do you think you need in terms of care for the baby?

Original poster

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 03:15

Chipping it was a last minute thing. I said ' are you free to help me out this week' last minute. She said yes. We didnt discuss the role much except to say that she would look after him while I worked upstairs. As it was initially just for a few days I didn't really care what she did. Now it looks like my work project will be much longer, I would like her to stay on, but if I'm totally honest, would prefer to have someone prepared to help out a bit with other stuff too, as he is a very easy baby and sleeps loads. ( of course happy for her to have all the usual breaks/ meals etc too) so was asking if this was a reasonable expectation. You reacted quite strongly to my post so now wondering about it all. I pay her cash.

Hazchem- like that suggestion

OP posts:

Original poster

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 03:18

In terms of care for him, just usual 4 month old stuff- nappies/ bottles/ getting him to sleep/ waving toys in his face/ going for a walk if she fancied. he rarely cries or needs much.

OP posts:

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 03:52

'Ha ha ha' if you think that is reacting strongly to your question I'm my most mellow at 3 am!

You said, in your OP, that you had 'recently employed a nanny'. Generally if one 'employs a nanny' one thinks about ones requirements and discusses them with the potential nannies etc and you lay out what you each expect. So, no, it's not 'reasonable' to employ a nanny on the basis that she can read/watch tv while the baby sleeps - then be miffed that she's sitting quietly minding her own business. If you expect 'jobs done' in that time, the time to discuss that is before employing her.

However... it transpires that you haven't actually 'employed a nanny' but have asked a friends nanny to do a few hours for you, it's a totally different cup of tea!

It is difficult for someone who is a) new b) only planning on being there a few days and c) has a parent wandering around the house to settle in and be proactive about 'doing stuff' around the house.

You have several options - you just have to decide what will work best for you.

Things to think about -

what time of day you want/need someone.

how many hours you actually need.

do you need someone there when DS is sleeping (how regular are his naps)

how long do you think you are likely to need someone.

are you going to keep paying cash or employ someone properly (no judgement there at all, but it's a whole different ballgame).

what jobs would you like someone to do (or are you just resenting paying her to 'do nothing'.

If you just want someone who will empty the dishwasher, fold a bit of washing, do a bit of batch cooking for DS in a month or so then it's all in a nanny's remit, but if you want someone to actually clean the bathroom, hoover etc you may well be better off cutting back on the hours you employ the nanny and pay for a cleaner. Even though they both work in the home - generally they prefer not to do each others job.

If it was me I would ask her if she is free to do a couple more weeks and while you have her, think about what you need & want and if you like her/she's good with DS or not etc and take it from there.

(Sorry it took so long to reply, my laptop is over heating and keeps freezing - I'm going to turn if off now, but will be back in the morning :) )

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 03:58

PS: It can be very difficult to find a nanny who is prepared to do the job when a parent works from home, so that will most likely be your biggest hurdle & you are only offering a few hours a week. If it was me I wouldn't then be adding anymore than the 'odd bits' I mentioned above to what I wanted or you may find it impossible to get anyone half decent.

Original poster

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 04:08

Chipping
thanks for your detailed reply.

I will need someone for roughly 15 hours a week (5 hours on 3 days) for the next few months (somewhere between 3 and 6 months.) I do need someone while DS sleeps as he is a bit erratic and has no fixed routine and I need to go upstairs, shut the door and concentrate.

Out of the 5 hours she is there, he sleeps for 2-3 of them depending on the day. I would ideally like someone who is prepared to do some cleaning during this time. Not hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor, or cleaning the toilet, but potentially hoovering/ wiping down kitchen surfaces/ tidying up etc and not have to worry too meticulously about whether each task relates directly to the baby as opposed to the family. Personally I think this is reasonable but I agree with you it should be agreed in advance that this would be the nature of the job. Given that she has already started, my worry is more that I would offend this particular nanny by asking her to do that, and as she is a friend's nanny, I would rather not upset or offend her by asking. So I guess my dilemma is, do i quietly slink off and advertise for someone else without telling her why, so as not to risk offending her by asking, or do I just go ahead and ask, in case she would actually really like to keep the job and needs the money.

I can't pay any more, but am paying generously atm.

OP posts:

Original poster

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 04:11

chipping- I don't think the working from home thing will be an issue, as when I started asking around last minute, we actually had several people who were interested in the job. (we live abroad so may be different over here.)

OP posts:

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 04:21

I lack self discipline so haven't switched the laptop off yet

Ok - well, given all of that ^ (if you are happy with her) I would have a good think about the jobs you would like done then have a chat to her. Basically say that things have gone well with your job and you are really pleased she could help out over the past x time. That you are now considering using a nanny for x hours for the next x months but will be looking for someone who can do a bit of housework for you - such as this (and show her your list) as you wont have the time to do it when you are working and that you would love to have her, but if she feels it's not something she wants to do (either the cleaning part or just committing to you for x time) then that's up to her and discuss how long she can stay while you find someone.

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