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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask the nanny to do a bit of light cleaning/ other chores while baby sleeps?

82 replies

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 01:15

Embarrassed to be posting such an overprivileged middle class question.

WE have recently employed a nanny/ babysitter 3 mornings a week to look after our 4 month old while i work upstairs. He sleeps for approximately half the time she is there. I told her she was welcome to watch TV/ read etc while he slept. She doesn't want to do any of that and just sits there doing nothing (her choice obviously.) Would it be unreasonable to ask her to do a bit of light cleaning/ clearing up or other chores during this time? I have been told nannies only do chores relating to the child- eg clearing up toys/ their laundry etc but his washing is mixed up with ours and don't really want her picking through all of our washing to get it out, and he is only 4 montsh so doesn't really make a mess with toys. THanks in advance.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 05/02/2014 09:39

She doesn't want to do any of that and just sits there doing nothing

This is weird... So she doesn't even piss about on her phone? Is she meditating?!

Crowler · 05/02/2014 09:42

There's nothing wrong with asking a nanny to do housework during the interview. If they're offended by it, they can find another job; if they're savvy, they can negotiate more money.

Mim78 · 05/02/2014 09:46

I think you have to sit down with her and agree something definite now you know what you needs are. I agree you may have to pay more for additional jobs.

juneybean · 05/02/2014 09:47

Yanbu but the I'm the nanny who can't help tidying, often my boss has told me to leave the kitchen for her husband to do :)

I have no problem tidying up after my bosses, I like to think I'm there to make their lives easier and if that involves emptying the dishwasher so be it.

MrsOakenshield · 05/02/2014 09:58

could you find out from the acquaintance that employs her what she does for them? That would give you an idea of what may or may not be reasonable to ask.

Get a laundry basket for the baby's thing (you'll need one at some point anyway) so at least she could do that.

I must say someone sitting doing absolutely nothing (not reading or watching TV even) is most odd. Up to her, of course, but just...odd.

Crowler · 05/02/2014 10:03

She obviously feels awkward.

MrsOakenshield · 05/02/2014 10:24

well, indeed. Which would suggest that asking her if she could do a couple of things wouldn't be amiss. Baby's laundry, running the hoover around baby's bedroom and the room where he is when not asleep (living room I assume), that kind of thing?

poopadoop · 05/02/2014 10:26

As this has been a temporary and ad-hoc arrangement so far, it is not unreasonable for you to now set out what you'd like her to do - or have a chat with her employer and her about what might be reasonable.

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 10:40

Thanks for responses. To ripple who say its ok to ask her to do baby related chores. How widely is this defined? He eats no solids to prepare, has no room to Hoover ( sleeps in Moses basket in living room.) he hardly has any toys to tidy and his washing is mixed in with ours- prob more effort to separate out than its worth.

Would general tidy/ wipe down of kitchen/ living room be ok? Hoover? Dishes? Just trying to get a sense of what is reasonable to ask.

OP posts:
deliverdaniel · 05/02/2014 10:41

Ripple = people!

OP posts:
undecidedanduncertain · 05/02/2014 10:58

deliver - our clothes are all mixed together as well. I wouldn't ask my nanny to put a dirty load in the washing machine (feels odd to ask someone else to handle my own dirty laundry). But I do stick a load in before she comes, and then she either swaps it to the tumble drier or hangs it out to dry, then folds and puts away when it's dry. She leaves our laundry on our bed, and puts the DCs away in their cupboards.

Is your baby on solids yet? Could she do some food prep?

I think asking her to hoover around living room/your bedroom is fine, since these are the rooms your baby spends most time.

I also agree that as this is about to change from a temporary/semi-emergency short term situation to a longer-term one, this is an appropriate point to sit down and discuss expectations on each side going forward.

Mintyy- not criticising you for having plenty of time with nothing to do - if you and your employer are happy with that, that's fine. But IME of people I know with nannies, that's not the usual situation round here. All of us have part-time nannies though, so don't know if it's different for someone working full time - there would perhaps be more 'downtime' built into that situation.

stoopstofolly · 05/02/2014 11:09

I think what you need is called a 'Mother's Help' by a lot of agencies (I hate the name BTW!). We employed one as I was in a similar situation- she wasn't a professional nanny but was excellent with children, but didn't want long periods solely responsible for a baby. Me being at home as well suited her. When baby was asleep she would do light cleaning duties (we have a cleaner for full cleaning) and generally keep busy round the house. She was wonderful. She had slightly older children so only wanted to do a few hours in the day, so she could be there when they came home, which was perfect.
We paid the same rate as a nanny, which felt right to us, as although not a qualified nanny she kept the house afloat. She also a worked fewer hours so a nanny rate delivered a better income for her.

Crowler · 05/02/2014 11:14

If I were you OP, I would be looking for someone who bills themselves as a housekeeper who also works with babies.

Mintyy · 05/02/2014 11:16

I'm not a nanny, don't know where you got that idea Grin

undecidedanduncertain · 05/02/2014 11:30

Sorry, Mintyy, I read your post as saying 'If I were your nanny', but I see you said 'If I were a nanny'.

I don't know what area you live in, OP, but if I were you I would ring a local nanny agency, tell them what you're looking for, and ask them if that's the kind of thing that nannies on their books are looking to do (doesn't mean you have to go on and use the agency).

In my area (up north, so might be different in London, for example), there are absolutely loads of girls in the 20 - 25 age group who have a couple of years of nursery nurse experience and are looking at going into nannying. Over the years, I have hired two (and interviewed many more). There has been no problem at all with the fact that I work from home, or that I want part-time hours only (though I've had to be flexible about which days in order to get the nanny I wanted since she already had another part-time job on my preferred days). It's also completely standard that the nanny will do errands/light housework/laundry etc. etc. - making themselves useful and doing the jobs you'd be doing if you were looking after the kids.

My current nanny has been with us 3 years and is fantastic - I hope she will stay for years more. We pay her well, and are very flexible about giving her time off whenever she wants/needs it. The kids love her, she is utterly reliable, and on the days she's been, the house is beautifully tidy (she's a naturally tidy person, I think - unlike me...)

I think that a more traditional nanny - who works full-time/long days, has her own way of doing things (rather than fitting in with ours) and doesn't do any household jobs - wouldn't suit us. I can see why they'd suit someone else briliantly, of course. But what we want seems to be pretty common, and there seem to be plenty of good applicants.

FelineLou · 05/02/2014 11:37

I think you do need to talk to her and explain what you really want before you advertise.
In that situation I would be offended if you advertised without telling me.
If that is not the work she wants then accept graciously and give her time to look for other work while you advertise and interview.
List your requirements and priorities and be clearer if you do have to replace her.

Nancy66 · 05/02/2014 11:46

nannies are qualified professionals aren't they? I think a lot of people use the term when they mean something else.

Pigsmummy · 05/02/2014 11:50

My nanny is a star, she will tidy around the living area when baby sleeps, empty dish washer for me too.

When she leaves all toys are cleared away etc.

How lng at a time does your baby sleep for? if I am working from home I let nanny go home at lunch time and come back, if baby wakes early I let her know and she comes back a bit earlier. Could you offer this to your nanny?

Joysmum · 05/02/2014 11:50

Why are you asking a bunch of people who haven't seen her contract?

What is reasonable is what is stipulated in her contract. What isn't reasonable is what isn't in her contract.

Pigsmummy · 05/02/2014 11:56

Sorry I missed the point, I would ask her if she wanted to help out its light chores, or of she wanted to pop to the shop for you when baby is asleep?

marzipanned · 05/02/2014 12:00

I used to nanny for older kids. When they were having a snack/watching TV/etc I would iron, do laundry, run the hoover round - (a) I got bored otherwise and (b) my employer was still paying me for those times.

I don't think it's U at all but my DH thought I did way too much for the family..

Caitlin17 · 06/02/2014 18:49

You must remember the baby won't be asleep in the afternoons for ever and you'll be expecting her presumably to engage with him, take him swimming, to nanny and toddler groups and the like.

I think it's not done unless it was mentioned when you interviewed her. Of the nannies I had 2 were professionally trained and they were not expected to do any housework. The third one wasn't but he was older then and she was a nanny share. She wouldn't have had time.

The only time one of the trained nannies did house work was once briefly when we were between cleaners and she got what I would have paid the cleaner on top of her pay although she wouldn't have had time to do all the cleaner did.

cathpip · 06/02/2014 18:58

I am a nanny and when baby is asleep I turn the telly on and do the ironing, it does not take long and frees up the cleaner a little. :)

NomDeClavier · 06/02/2014 19:09

If you're overseas then the norms there may well be very different. You need to talk to her, and you might want to chat to more experienced local nanny employers first about what is reasonable. Either way she can usefully stock your freezer with weaning foods if you plan to go down the puree route.

As this was short notice I think you can legitinately sit down and ask whether she wants to continue, then set out a contract if she does with clearly defined duties and if she isn't interested advertise for someone to do the hybrid job, accepting that over time you may get less housework out of it as baby is more alert during the day.

innisglas · 06/02/2014 19:29

I personally think the priority with any nanny is how good she is with the baby. As someone else pointed out your baby is not always going to have the same sleeping pattern.

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