My 16 yr old daughter's got her first boyfriend, they've been seeing each other 4 months. They're at the same college and see each other a couple of evenings week. They live 20 miles apart, if he comes to our home I usually drive him home, buses stop at 8.45pm, and if she's at his, she gets the bus home which takes over an hour - she's done this twice and the rest of the times I've picked her up. My husband, her step dad was annoyed that when she first got the bus home he didn't even go to the bus station with her, but I've always stood on my own two feet and have taught the girls to do the same (first time married at 50).
I feel I have a good relationship with my daughters, I'm open with them and discuss, I think, all things and when she first asked to bring a friend home, and it was a boy we had a discussion about long term relations and what I perceived boys were like and that they had a very precious jewel that some, not all, boys were very keen to take, and that sex was sex but with the right special person it's love. There's no need to rush into things they have loads of years to go grown up things. Even mentioned contraception and what options there are available.
Several times when her boyfriend has been at our home she's asked if here can stay over, 'he'll sleep on the sofa' I've said no and he can stay later and I'll take home home - have to say at this point he is a very nice young man. Over the Christmas period my younger daughter read some messages between her sister and the boyfriend and came to me crying and upset at the content. I told my sixteen yr old that I was sorry and I'd seen the messages and was concerned, he'd mentioned 'when you going on the pill' and 'I've seen you naked'. She explained them away and I want to believe her.
She's asked on several occasions if he can stay over and I've said no.
Yesterday she asked if she can stay at his house, I asked were was she sleeping, and he has a king bed. His parents obviously have said yes and she tells me she is not going to be having sex, wrong time of the month! Did Tell her that won't stop some guys but she is insistent that there relationship is not at that level.
Tried a bit of emotional black mail this morning and sent this message:-
Morning, I didn't sleep well last night,! I love my baby and I want to protect her, as her mummy I don't think letting her stay at Ben's is this best thing and certainly not what a good mummy would do. I want to cry, if I cry will you not stay :(Please I love you and trying to make you happy is making me sad :( I can pic you up very late :) x
Her reply
A) protect me from what?!
B) how is it not the "best thing"?
C) how is it not what a "good mummy" would do? Surely a good mum lets her children learn from their own mistakes?, unlike heathers mum.
D) it's also making me sad you saying no.
E) I'm 16 and you're treating me like I'm 12... do you not realise that ? :(
How do I answer this?